Sometimes I don't like myself (TMI)

[Guest]

My case is very complicated. I am sexually attracted to males, they are 99, 9% of my crushes , I use to imagine sex with them etc but it makes me a bit sad, because they are much different then women. Communication with same sex person is much better and easier. I use to be angry on myself I'm not lesbian. I tried to think about girls in sexual way and even date ( online of course) and felt that it isn't this I feel good with. I had some lesbian fantasies but lesbian sex is neutral to me. It doesn't turn me. I think lesbian relationships are much better, because it's a mix of special friendship and love and there is much more equality than in heterosexual relationship. I also don't think heterosexual sex is much more brutal and if I ever had it, I would chose lesbian positions. So called 'missionary position' grosses me out as, the male is up and women is down. :( No, I'm not against males but I don't like the way they have sex. Male sexual anatomy is neutral to me as I'm very into art and until it goes sexual. Sometimes I'm really angry on myself that I prefer just males. I wish I prefer females.

[Hobbes!]

So called 'missionary position' grosses me out as, the male is up and women is down. :( No, I'm not against males but I don't like the way they have sex.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by that. Not that you dislike missionary, but the whole dislike the way men have sex? I almost feel like I should point out that different guys like to have sex in different ways

[.,.]

Your case is very complicated indeed. I guess I can see your case: most of my friends are male, but I have my attractions towards females. Although I never want to sleep with any of them it would be nice to feel romantic attraction to a male. However I know that every person is different, and so the interactions with one woman can be as different to a man, as to another woman. I have female friends who are just that, friends, and it's not complicated at all; I never want anything more with them. My relations with these women there is absolute equality, - no doubt about it. I am certain that this will be translatable to a woman I have a romantic interest in down the line, there'll be absolute equality, special friendship and love. Of sexual things I have little idea, I doubt I'll ever really want to try sex, but I don't really see what you mean by your complaint here that "the male is up and woman is down", because 30 seconds later the woman might "be up". But if you wanna be 100 % equal all of the time, then I'll claim that you can do everything with a man that lesbians could do together, then you just have a bunch of options on top of that again - which of many are hetero acts in which no person is specifically in power.

I guess I'm trying to convey that don't give up on hetero relationships so easily, they can be just as special, with just as much equality. Trust in the fact that everyone's different, and you do no good with any sort of attitude that "all hetero relationships are this way!" You can't go lesbian if you aren't anyhow.

[♦ Cake Enthusiast ♦]

I'd have to agree with Hobbes here.

there is much more equality than in heterosexual relationship.

Many of your arguments are very generalizing, those aspects you talk of are not a part of every heterosexual relationship, and there are abusive lesbian relationships as well.

I'm not saying that you're completely wrong, I just think claiming those things like facts that apply to every hetero relationship is not the right way at all.

[Guest]

Your case is very complicated indeed. I guess I can see your case: most of my friends are male, but I have my attractions towards females. Although I never want to sleep with any of them it would be nice to feel romantic attraction to a male. However I know that every person is different, and so the interactions with one woman can be as different to a man, as to another woman. I have female friends who are just that, friends, and it's not complicated at all; I never want anything more with them. My relations with these women there is absolute equality, - no doubt about it. I am certain that this will be translatable to a woman I have a romantic interest in down the line, there'll be absolute equality, special friendship and love. Of sexual things I have little idea, I doubt I'll ever really want to try sex, but I don't really see what you mean by your complaint here that "the male is up and woman is down", because 30 seconds later the woman might "be up". But if you wanna be 100 % equal all of the time, then I'll claim that you can do everything with a man that lesbians could do together, then you just have a bunch of options on top of that again - which of many are hetero acts in which no person is specifically in power.

I guess I'm trying to convey that don't give up on hetero relationships so easily, they can be just as special, with just as much equality. Trust in the fact that everyone's different, and you do no good with any sort of attitude that "all hetero relationships are this way!" You can't go lesbian if you aren't anyhow.

I'm a realist and I know how does it look like. Males are the same, if you suggest him sth as ' hey, sweetie, let's just try this position from book on lesbian sex!', he would say sth as 'Do you mean the triangle, dear?' or will be astonished or just suspect you are lesbian.

[Guest]

I'd have to agree with Hobbes here.

there is much more equality than in heterosexual relationship.

Many of your arguments are very generalizing, those aspects you talk of are not a part of every heterosexual relationship, and there are abusive lesbian relationships as well.

I'm not saying that you're completely wrong, I just think claiming those things like facts that apply to every hetero relationship is not the right way at all.

According to researches lesbian relationships are much stronger than hetero ones, moreover scientists observed that there is much more tenderness in lesbian relationships. I just say about scientific facts and my observations.

[♦ Cake Enthusiast ♦]

According to researches lesbian relationships are much stronger than hetero ones, moreover scientists observed that there is much more tenderness in lesbian relationships. I just say about scientific facts and my observations.

I don't want to sound bitchy, but can you give me the sources for that claim?

[Guest]

I read them in a one Polish weekly magazine and they were quoting those researches.

[♦ Cake Enthusiast ♦]

Okay. Even though you still didn't provide the source of the research, let's just pretend that it's true for a moment.

Still.

According to researches lesbian relationships are much stronger than hetero ones, moreover scientists observed that there is much more tenderness in lesbian relationships.

How strong or tender a relationship is does not per se give information about the equality within it.

I just say about scientific facts and my observations.

Actually, you said something along the lines of

it's a mix of special friendship and love and there is much more equality than in heterosexual relationship.

Which implies that what you state is a fact proven to be true, yet it doesn't say anything about observations.

Also, what I critizised in the first place wasn't the claim not being proven, but that it doesn't leave any room for different cases.

It sounds as if it were like you say in every case and there are no heterosexual relationships that are as equal as any lesbian relationship.

[Guest]

I believe in researches not stereotypical point of view. I also noticed much more openness and equality in lesbian relationships, just lurking in lesbian forums.

[♦ Cake Enthusiast ♦]

I'm sorry, where was I thinking stereotypically?

[Visenya]

Most of the time, I wish I were a lesbian too. I really enjoy being friends with men, but I'd rather be in a relationship with a woman. Even though I'm not attracted to females in any way, the idea of lesbian sex doesn't repulse me, unlike heterosexual sex, and because of that, it'd be easier for me to compromise in a same-sex relationship. Besides, even though I have more in common with men, especially when it comes to hobbies and interests, on an emotional level, I get along better with women and I find it easier to connect with them.

[Guest]

People and male or female vary enormously so I think its hard to be put in a box! and say this is how everyone is because of their gender..

The things that most find most attractive Kindness gentleness, someone's way of being :)

its all down to the individual regardless of gender etc etc

P.s I don't mean to invalidate your experience it just there's always exceptions

[Guest]

Most of the time, I wish I were a lesbian too. I really enjoy being friends with men, but I'd rather be in a relationship with a woman. Even though I'm not attracted to females in any way, the idea of lesbian sex doesn't repulse me, unlike heterosexual sex, and because of that, it'd be easier for me to compromise in a same-sex relationship. Besides, even though I have more in common with men, especially when it comes to hobbies and interests, on an emotional level, I get along better with women and I find it easier to connect with them.

When I was in first primary school grades, most of my friends were also guys and I'm not a typical woman. I'm not interested in looking as true woman and my hobbies can be much male-like ones. Also I had much guy friends at school and studies, they are good as companions and sometimes it's easier to talk to them than to women bur much of them start to think about you as sexual object, even if they have a partner.

[MaxAmoeba]

I find this line of thought stupid Hayley. You dislike it if you like men just because you have not been able to communicate better or like the sexual part involved? You dislike yourself for not liking lesbians? Seriously? I have never heard something like this before. Go and find good, sensible men. They are rare I know but they exist somewhere. Forcing yourself to like something you do not like seems stupid to me.

[Guest]

I find this line of thought stupid Hayley. You dislike it if you like men just because you have not been able to communicate better or like the sexual part involved? You dislike yourself for not liking lesbians? Seriously? I have never heard something like this before. Go and find good, sensible men. They are rare I know but they exist somewhere. Forcing yourself to like something you do not like seems stupid to me.

I kinda don\t like how do males realize their sexuality, it's a bit disgusting.

[El-not-so-ace]

To be honest, some of my friends have been way more demanding or authoritative than the guys they were with... I can't speak about averages or anything since I don't have any research with me to back things up, but homosexual couples really aren't more gentle just because of their orientation.

If anything, the heterosexual men might just not be as used to the fact that you might want to do some moves from a lesbian handbook (sorry, I'm not sure how to call it correctly) because they've probably not been even expecting that to come up. :P Just my 2 cents.

[Hobbes!]

I find this line of thought stupid Hayley. You dislike it if you like men just because you have not been able to communicate better or like the sexual part involved? You dislike yourself for not liking lesbians? Seriously? I have never heard something like this before. Go and find good, sensible men. They are rare I know but they exist somewhere. Forcing yourself to like something you do not like seems stupid to me.

I kinda don\t like how do males realize their sexuality, it's a bit disgusting.

I still don't understand what this means. As far as I can tell you don't much like male parts as far as sex is concerned, which is fair enough. It seems the mistake you're making is to judge all men based on those you knew at school. Schoolboys are twerps who only half-understand their own sexuality, 'cause they're, you know, teenagers

[Guest]

I find this line of thought stupid Hayley. You dislike it if you like men just because you have not been able to communicate better or like the sexual part involved? You dislike yourself for not liking lesbians? Seriously? I have never heard something like this before. Go and find good, sensible men. They are rare I know but they exist somewhere. Forcing yourself to like something you do not like seems stupid to me.

I kinda don\t like how do males realize their sexuality, it's a bit disgusting.

I still don't understand what this means. As far as I can tell you don't much like male parts as far as sex is concerned, which is fair enough. It seems the mistake you're making is to judge all men based on those you knew at school. Schoolboys are twerps who only half-understand their own sexuality, 'cause they're, you know, teenagers

No, I don't base on these from school because it was a time ago but in general on males in society.

[plaidclash]

Most of the time, I wish I were a lesbian too. I really enjoy being friends with men, but I'd rather be in a relationship with a woman. Even though I'm not attracted to females in any way, the idea of lesbian sex doesn't repulse me, unlike heterosexual sex, and because of that, it'd be easier for me to compromise in a same-sex relationship. Besides, even though I have more in common with men, especially when it comes to hobbies and interests, on an emotional level, I get along better with women and I find it easier to connect with them.

I am literally in the same boat as you, my friend.

[Vixrotre]

It reminds me so much of myself when I was still confused about my sexuality. I dated only males and I thought I'm straight until I was about 13-14. I actually came out as bisexual to one of my friends when I was 15. I was wondering how it'd be to date another girl and the more I thought about it the more I wanted to experience it. The situation got worse when my first real relationship with a boy ended, because I was completely lost. I noticed I don't find anyone attractive- male or female, but I stil wanted to be in a relationship and I just didn't know which gender I preffered. After my friend and I started dating the questions and fears disappeared- I was with a guy and he was attractive in my eyes, but as soon as we broke up everything came back. I registered on few dating sites, some exclusively for women looking for other women, I began to watch lesbian youtubers and in general I got more involved with LGBTQA+ community. I discovered the term "demisexual" and I'm not confused or desperate to have a girlfriend anymore, but I'd still prefer to date a girl over a guy now. I've been with men, it was okay, but I wonder if I'd be better with a girl instead. Most girls are just more emotional and they seem more understanding. All the boyfriends I've had so far were like "I got hurt in the past and now I take things slow and don't talk about myself too much", so basically I was the only one talking and the only one showing that I care for most of the time. Not fun. :/ The thing is that I can't get along with girls. I never had a female friend, I just hang out with guys on the internet and so far my attempts to get myself a girlfriend were futile.

I totally wish I was a lesbian or heterosexual. At least I'd know "Oh, this person is my type" instead of talking to them for weeks before realizing that there's nothing to it.