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Lord Jade Cross

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Lord Jade Cross

Ok, so I spent a little while thinking over my ideals on the whole relationships thing and what my views on it are.

In my individual thinking, I allowed my personal feelings to get in the way, which have been made by my exposures to the experiences with other people who mostly have decided that there was something wrong with me for my disinterest in them. The attitudes taken by people was one like what was mention here of "either youre with us or against" and people have definately looked down on me and treated me as less than everyone else, sick, abnormal, etc, because I dont share their view on the absoluteness of relationships. And being exposed to that constantly did create resentment towards people in general which altered my views on it.

Such a thing is scientifically unacceptable which to me has a higher degree of importance as I like to know the truth of things based on facts.

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I don't think people "look down on you" because you don't "share their view." I think it's more likely that people "look down on you" because you "look down" on them (and their relationships), or, at least, you come across that way.

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Lord Jade Cross

I initially did not believe relationships to be a product of conditioning, in fact I didnt have anything againts them per se nor the people that participated in them or of them. The problem began when not participating nor seeking them became a subject of criticism first by peers who would all give me the same reaction and reasoning stating that there was something wrong with me for not doing it, the same way I was told an array of things (none of them very pretty) when I would turn down an invite to a party and especially to get wasted. Still I thought that critism by peers wasnt very important.

Now when parents and family began to habe a say in it, stating that my way of being or thinking was abnormal, things started to change. It was further pushed when grandchildren were started to be demanded of me (yes my mother specifically asked me when I was going to give her grandchildren) and I was asked every so often if there was any girl that I liked and worse if there was even a glipmse of any girl talking to me, my parents would incessantly push the subject and ask (practically demand) why I did not ask her out. So the subject became very tiresome to hear about and given that the reasoning of "its normal" or "everyone does it" was always the excuse I was given because when I asked them to explain, no one had any real explanation to give me, it began forming the thought that if people did the same for parties, socializing, drinking and so on, what would make relationships any different.

So I began researching into it but would constantly find the same answers from people. When I tried psychology, the explanation that was given, both in books and some questions I managed to ask was that individuals who did not actively seek relationships were ones of cases of depression, sociopathy, trauma,etc. But nowhere did I find people who would willingly accept the possibility that there were cases of people who did not seek relationships.

In light of that and seeing that people all exhibited a way too similar pattern, the idea that relationships were a product of social conditioning grew especially since evolutionaryly speaking, there was no need for humans to procreate inmeasureably so it couldnt be an evolutionary reason. Humans could still survive with a moderate amount of procreation that didnt imply that absolutely everyone had to do it. So the more I found things to lose ground, the more the idea grew.

True that I let my personal experiences and feelings get in the way but my view on it was not completely bias on my opinions only.

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Anthracite_Impreza

You've had some pretty crap experiences of people looking down on you because of your differences - that sucks. I've had it (less intensely) as well and I know how annoying it can be, but, and this is a big but, that doesn't mean you can extrapolate their views to all people interested in relationships. Some people are just close-minded sheeple, that's a fact of life, and those people need to be ignored, but most people just don't understand aromanticism straight away. Most people however, once I've explained that I'm happy with my cars, pets and dinosaurs accept it and wish me luck! Maybe you just need to find people like that?

"So the subject became very tiresome to hear about and given that the reasoning of "its normal" or "everyone does it" was always the excuse I was given because when I asked them to explain, no one had any real explanation to give me, it began forming the thought that if people did the same for parties, socializing, drinking and so on, what would make relationships any different."

Quite frankly no one's ever replied to me with this answer, they've all just said something along the lines of "But won't you be lonely?", "Wouldn't it make you happy?", "If you marry a rich bloke you never have to work again!" (my family's awesome ;)). A lot of the reason people can't say why they desire a relationship is for the same reason I can't tell you why I love cars so much - I can attempt to come up with secondary logical reasons, but ultimately I love them just because I do, and the same is true of desiring partners. It's an internal drive that has become exaggerated by media... as are most things. Parties and drinking are just ways in which to socialise, which most people also have an internal drive to do.

"In light of that and seeing that people all exhibited a way too similar pattern, the idea that relationships were a product of social conditioning grew especially since evolutionaryly speaking, there was no need for humans to procreate inmeasureably so it couldnt be an evolutionary reason. Humans could still survive with a moderate amount of procreation that didnt imply that absolutely everyone had to do it. So the more I found things to lose ground, the more the idea grew."
This may be true now but in the past evolution would have "rewarded" those families who would've reproduced the most with the biggest share in the gene pool, and thus the genes for sexuality were more and more selected for. This happens in every single sexual species on earth, and it doesn't stop just because of civilisation; evolution simply hasn't had chance to catch up yet.
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Lord Jade Cross

Unfortunately so far, I have not had the luck of stumbling onto people who do understand even when I explain it to them. Its like theres the mindset that no matter what I say, the goal is to get me to comply with the idea of relationships and children no matter what.

In most cases I have to try and find a counter logic for people, essentially throwing back what they say to me and asking them if they believe their logic to be correct. Like I mentioned in another thread, a co-worker asked me when was I going to have children given my age is where most are in their prime for purpose of child bearing. When I said that I wasnt interested in having children, she pulled out the "youre going to leave your mother grandchildless?" card on me. I knew going head to head was a futile attempt there and then. So I had to use another way, and what better way than the monetary excuse, since if I say that I havent found the right person will result in them saying that they will help me look and going as far as setting me up with them. I know because it has been done before and it wasnt the first time the same coworker mentioned it. She said there was a "fresh batch of women" there who were up for finding a husband. That kind of creeped me out to be honest.

When I mentioned money she would say that money always appeared and asked how much I was making there. I told her the amount and she still said that I shouldnt worry. When I turned her same answer back at her and asked her how she would do it?, she fell silent for a moment and then answered "youre right, I guess it wouldnt be enough".

Instaces like these are the ones that make me believe that people are, in a sense, desperate to keep the idea of relationships up no matter the cost. Perhaps thats a hyperbolic way of putting it but like it was mentioned before, there are alot of midless sheeple out there. Aside from that the saying "the roadway to hell was paved with good intentions" applies perfectly here because well meaning people many times do far more harm that deliberately wicked people.

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