nevaneva Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 During a recent bout of "I want to try dating wait no I don't", I asked someone to spend time with me one-on-one and although there was room for ambiguity I was fairly sure this person would take it as a date, which I later found out they did. Although I was initially excited to know they wanted to go on another date, it didn't take me long to do a complete 180 and utterly lose interest. They asked me out again the next week and as an alternative (I thought this would be a way of showing I just wanted to be friends), I invited them out to play sports with my friends but I spent most of the time focused on my other friends, so as not to give this person any feelings of special status. They texted me again the next day but I ignored them because I didn't want to give them a chance to ask me out again. Almost 2 weeks passed and I thought I was more or less in the clear but they ran into me in person last week and asked me out again, and I said I was busy (and didn't make a suggestion to reschedule). Isn't this a pretty clear indicator of disinterest? But a week later (today) they contacted me again. :S I'm not sure what to do at this point besides giving a very harsh response like "I don't want to date you". I feel a little badly because although we didn't know each other well, we did get along before this and I'd always say hi and chat, etc, but at this point I feel actively repulsed (since everytime they talk to me I KNOW it's because they want to date me) and I can't even bear to have a conversation with them or laugh at their jokes. It's like I have completely shut down towards them. What's the best way to avoid hurting their feelings and also get them to stop wasting their time pursuing me? I just want it to end ): TL;DR: I went on a date with someone for whom I have since realized I have no interest, but they are persistent and I don't know how to get them to stop without seeming unduely cold or mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Archon Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 It isn't harsh to say "I don't want to date you." People aren't entitled to a date with you. Be honest and straightforward. Tell them you're not interested. It might upset them in the short-run but things will be better in the long-run if you tell them the truth as soon as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
purplesnow Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 How to get a person to take a hint? Honestly: you've already got them to take one hint by going on a date with you, and now you want them to take another hint in exactly the opposite direction? Sometimes clarity and directness is a virtue. Changing your mind is fine, but messing them about and sending them weird mixed messages isn't: just be upfront about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Fjording Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Forgive my bluntness but you should suck it up and tell them, in no ambigous terms, that you only want to be friends. It might very well be they are partially at fault for having limited skills of observation, but people aren't mind readers and being ghosted is honestly the worst. Just be honest, you'll both be better off. Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Star Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 You don't want to be cold or mean to them, but what you are doing to them can be described as both of those. They asked me out again the next week and as an alternative (I thought this would be a way of showing I just wanted to be friends), I invited them out to play sports with my friends but I spent most of the time focused on my other friends, so as not to give this person any feelings of special status. This is a terrible thing to do. They do have special status; it's called being your guest. When someone likes you but you don't feel the same for them, the answer isn't to treat them like crap. The answer is to tell them you don't have feelings for them in that way. It doesn't mean you still can't be nice to them either. That being said, on top of telling this person that you don't like them, I think you should also apologize for how you treated them. Link to post Share on other sites
Sisky Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Hints are not a clear indicator of anything. You're basically saying "I'm spending time with you, that means I'm not interested." And that doesn't make any sense at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 TL;DR: I went on a date with someone for whom I have since realized I have no interest, but they are persistent and I don't know how to get them to stop without seeming unduely cold or mean. No, what you said you did was ask them to spend one-on-one time with you, decided you had no interest after the first date, rudely ignored them on your second "date", and have continued ignoring them since. You've already been cold and mean; it's time to apologize to them for being rude and wasting their time. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You asked them out and it didn't work out. That's totally fine and cool, happens all the time. But, at that point you should have said "Sorry, I just am not feeling the connection for a romantic relationship. I'm OK being friends if you are interested." You didn't. At this point, just say "I am sorry, but I am just not into you that way" ... let them know, so they stop holding out hope. Link to post Share on other sites
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