openness with others

[Brodertun]

I assume I am correct in assuming that most of us aren't very open with other people.

But is there or has there ever been a person you have been 100% ioen with? Either in real life or the net.

When I was 17, I saw a bleak outlook for my future. During that time I began to chat with a man in England. During our first conversation, he asked me something (don't remember what). I almost didn't answer, but then I thought, "hey, if he's a jerk, I can just click this little x and he'll go away" so I told him all my fears and plans to deal with them.

He made sure I was able to contact him again (I really had no idea how to make someone a chatfriend) and in alot of ways became like a big brother to me. If he knew I was talking to a guy, he would offer to check the guy out for me. I don't know what he told them, beyond that he cared about me, and didn't want to see me get hurt, but it was enough to make them act much more gentlemanly, without scaring them off.

When things got worse, he gave me his phone number and told me to call if I ever got into a bad situation, or if I moved in with someone to let him know afterwards that everything was alright.

For 3 years we talked several times a week, than my college and work gave me less time to be on the computer, and a reoccuring virus caused me to uninstall yahoo messenger, which eventually led to a lapse in contact.

I recently reconnected with him. When I asked if he remembered me, he begin telling me everything he remembered. He knows all of my deepest darkest secrets, my greatest fears, and every bad decision that I made (a few against his advice).

It does make me feel good to know there is someone out there who knows all this and still talks to me, but I can't imagine ever beginning to tell another person all that this man knows.

[Lady Heartilly]

Well I'm what's referred to as "brutally honest." I'm not very open as you said, but if someone asks me anything, I will always answer honestly no matter what the question is, and I hate keeping secrets. The way I see is that I talk so rarely that the few times I do end up in a conversation, I might as well say everything there is to say.

[Brodertun]

I've been told that about myself as well. But then why ask a question if you don't want an honest answer? I am not going to lie to you. I might refuse to say anything, but I won't lie.

[anima]

There is one person I'm almost completely open with, and I don't get to talk to him often because we are both university students with ridiculous schedules. Other than him... there isn't anyone I can talk to about anything or everything. I have some good friends locally who I see a lot and can talk to at pretty much any time of the day, but they come with judgements, conceptions, opinions and ideas of their own that they aren't willing to set aside for any reason if I'm the one who needs them to. Earlier this year (I think around March), when I was having a rare instant-message chat with him, somehow the subject of me being into BDSM came up. (And, having just found that converation saved -- yes, I do that, I'm a freak like that -- this is how it went.) After I told him, he said "I know I sound repetitive, but what would that entail? I ask because I'm curious" and I told him "It's hard to explain BDSM to someone without sounding... uh... sick". And he said "Okay." That was it. No indicators that he was freaked out by it in any way. And if I ever wonder of any reason why I love him so much... I remember that, and know that part of it is because he has taken me for what I am and not tried to make me change.

Anyways... I think I totally went off subject, maybe... I don't remember.

But, yeah... I tend to be "brutally honest" as well. I don't talk much, but if someone asks me something, I'll tell them the truth, or exactly what my opinion is. And I find it stupid that they get upset if my opinion isn't what they wanted to hear.

[Penumbra]

But is there or has there ever been a person you have been 100% ioen with? Either in real life or the net.

No, and there never will be.

[deladangerous]

But is there or has there ever been a person you have been 100% ioen with? Either in real life or the net.

I have been completely honest about some things with some people, but left out some details in other areas. Other people I have told many things about other things, but never touch upon certain subjects. Some people know a big secret or two, and nothing more. Then, there are also those who know nothing. There's a lot of those.

Nobody is ever going to know all of it. Even if I told someone everything, they still might not even know everything.

I will say, though, it is indeed a lot easier to tell online people the juicy stuff, for obvious reasons.

[cait]

I am open with people when i am in the mood to be. I'm usually impulsive about sharing my thoughts. They dont' always make sense, but I sort of just shoot them out with people I know well enough. Though I manage to keep distance somehow all the same...

Recently, I have been open with more friends than I used to be. SO I think there is a chance for improvement. And I do have one friend I am very open with. And I think that it is great.

[ghosts]

I have a best friend that I am completely open with & tell him everything. Or pretty much everything- I mean, you can't tell a person everything that's going on through your head. It's impossible. I don't try to lie to people, but I just don't necessarily open up to them as much as I do with my best friend.

[Hallucigenia]

I find that there are different kinds of openness. For instance, here on AVEN, I've said a lot of things that I wouldn't feel comfortable saying anywhere else, just because sexual(ish) topics often come up for serious discussion here. There are maybe one or two other people with whom I'd frankly discuss such things if they asked, but they generally haven't.

I have things that I doubt I will tell anyone for years, though. If ever. Even if asked. And that's kinda just the way it is, and I'm rather used to it. So I tend to think of openness not in terms of facts but in terms of emotions. There are very few people I'm comfortable crying in front of. Maybe three that I can say that about without qualifying it. A few more that are usually OK. And I'll cry in front of a teacher or suchlike if I have to. But otherwise, get me the hell out of there and into a nice comfy dark corner somewhere, please. Similarly (but less intensely), there are several people I'll gush to when I'm happy about some event, and with others I'll just figure "Why would they possibly be interested in knowing XY&Z?"

So, yeah. Different comfort levels for different things.

[KAGU143]

I was 100% open with one person at one point in my life. It turned out to be a serious mistake and the emotional damage that resulted from that disaster was enough to convince me to never EVER do it again.

I am probably about 95% open with a few people, though. I don't like to display emotions, but I suspect they could deal with it if I really snapped and couldn't help myself.

*shudder*

I hope that never happens.

-Greybird

[Shoes]

Nope. One or two come close (yay internet) but still, definitely not 100%. Not necessarily that I lie to them, but I have dodged a few things. If they were somehow to ask me straight-out, I'm not sure how i'd answer. Interesting thought experiment..

I'm definitely a closed-book type, though. I have a ridiculously controlling grasp on how people IRL know me (not hiding a dark past or anything, just on how they expect me to think), for no good reason really. I've tried to fight it to a certain extent, but i am what i am.

[Orbit]

I'm honest to a fault at times. I've alienated myself from people by speaking up about 'the elephant in the room' that nobody else wanted to talk about.

And while I do realize there's a risk at losing friends by being honest, or being hurt by people because of it - I choose honestly anyway. My closest friends know most of my fears and doubts and the silly things that make me happy. Some of them even know my financial situations, religion, politics and details about my marriage and all the stuff that most people don't talk about. And if they don't know, it's probably just because it hasn't come up yet.

BUT it takes me a while to get to that level of closeness with people because I too have been burned -mostly by people who say they want the truth, but really can't handle it when you give it to them. Having close intimate friends to share life with is worth some degree of risk, but you have to pick and choose them carefully...

It really isn't that difficult to weed out people who aren't trustworthy with personal information and deep honesty. If they are consistantly mean you can't trust them, if they are consistantly kind, you can. For me, it takes about a year or two of consistant kindness towards me AND others in their lives - especially those they don't get along with, because someday they might not get along with me and if they have pesonal information about me then they could use it against me. BUT if they are kind to even those they fight with, or at least civil, chances are if we ever did have to split paths, it wouldn't be a hurtful disaster.

hawke

[Towenden]

I'm not very open with anyone. I keep things close, so to speak. Online I used to be brutally honest to people, but that began to make those friendships kind of die (it must be trying to always have someone telling you the brutal truth). So I've become much more moderate and guarded with how I deal with others online and off.

[Goonie]

I am open with several people. If you get everyone I have ever met and told somethign to and put them together, you would pretty much know my life story.

I like to keep people guessing. It keeps excitement in their lives. :D

[ghosts]

Goonie, you flatter yourself. ;)

But actually, I know what you mean. It's kind of fun to keep people guessing.

[mylittlevoices]

Apparently sometimes I can be quite aloof, not in terms of not being friendly, because I'm always really friendly, and somewhat daft sometimes. More so in terms of telling people information about myself.

I never used to tell people anything personal about myself, even down to keeping my crushes a secret sometimes. I've got friends now that I do tell things to, mainly because of them bullying me into it at first when they could see something was up. Now I couldn't do without them, they're great. And I'm able to confide in more people now, I'm opening up more and more, even though it does take me a while at first.

[Verin]

I think i am a fairly open person most of the time, i mean if some one asks me something i will try to be honest with them but if they don't ask i won't tell them pretty much anything about myself. I don't think even the people i would call close friends know that much about me but then i'm not sure that anyone knows me 100% fully anyway.

[Vagus]

if i'm asked a question i tend to give very brutally honest answers... though no one knows everything about me.... i've yet to meet anyone i feel that comfortable with.. theres one or two online and the odd person rl that i'll talk to about almost anything (providing they ask the right questions).... other wise i tend to keep to keep to myself mostly

i usually work on the thery that if you dont want to know something, then you shouldnt be asking the questions... works most of the time.....

[Kally]

No. Only folks here. I'm really open with friends, and I don't beat around the bush with strangers either, but I think sexuality is a pretty private issue--unless, of course, you're sizing up someone for a possible relationship. If I was going to do that, I'd probably be open....well, eventually, I would be. :oops: I have a best girlfriend who not too long ago found out I wasn't Christian and had to digest that. I don't think I'd traumatize her with this too.

[Absi]

I used to be very closed, and although I had one and possibly two friends to whom I could tell whatever I had been thinking about recently, I mostly kept things to myself, and would only really talk about problems once I hd resolved them, and then only rarely. I wouldn't lie to my friends, but I wouldn't volunteer information, and I would not always tell them all the details of my life!

Of course once I became more involved in an online community (about the matrix) I made some new friends, and a couple of them I got very close to, and confided in a lot, which helped me to become less secretive and more confident.

Since then there is only one person who I tell everything to, he probably knows about 99% of me, and I the same of him, but through talking to him, and coming to trust him, and sharing myself and having him do the same I have again got a little less secretive, so I am now more willing to tell other people how am feeling, what I am thinking etc.

On here I am more honest about my sexual feelings and relationships than I have been with anyone other than my closest friend.

[Barcode]

Not said much to anyone really except for a few trusted friends. But then again, I don't get asked if I'm A everyday and sexuality is rarely discussed openly. Furthermore unless you exhibit very obvious A behaviour, everyone assumes you're heterosexual.

[cijay]

Not 100% open, I don't think there's anyone who "deserves" to know everything about my thoughts, just like I don't think there's anyone who WANTS to know everything about my thoughts. Usually I'll wait until asked, which is why so many friends don't know I'm A. They never asked. They've asked if I'm a lesbian and I said 'no'. Disappoints them but when they ask if I'm a lesbian, I ASSUME that's the question they want answered. If they asked "well then what ARE you?" it would be a lead in to asexuality.

There were some girls at the office, for about 6 months they went through this phase of going to Ladies Night at some strip joint. They weren't all single, actually, I don't think ANY of them were single. They would go out then come back to work the next day giggling and laughing about it. Did I think it was immature? Yes. Did I say anything? No. What would the point be? If they sat down with 'me' and tried to tell me about it THEN I would be able to tell them I really don't want to hear it. If they asked if I thought it was immature I would say 'yes' but there were dozens of other people there who wanted to hear their stories.

Same thing with weddings. I find wedding shit boring. From the initial engagement to the planning to the actual day to the albums and albums of pictures. I don't give a shit where she got her dress, don't care what colours the flowers were, don't care about who was being a bitch that day, I just simply don't care. If someone sits down with me and starts telling me, I'll change the topic. If they want to show me pictures I just honestly say I'd like to see one or two shots of the whole party (if anyone means anything to me) and I'll have had my fix. Don't need to see the bridge getting her dress on, sitting in her slip, signing the register etc.

The only time I'm dead honest is if someone starts poking fun at someone for their ethnicity, beliefs, religion, appearance (unless they're in costume and meant to be funny), intelligence/lack of or something like that.

[Goonie]

Goonie, you flatter yourself. ;)

But actually, I know what you mean. It's kind of fun to keep people guessing.

:D Why yes I do... and nah I really do like keepign people guessing. I had someone swear up and down that I didn't like kids and when they saw me interacting with kids they knew right off that I liked em.

I like to see their faces when what they percieved is wrong :twisted:

[Amcan]

I'm not a 100% open with anyone though I am fairly open with one person in RL and far more on the internet.

I am not open about certain things becuase of fear there would be lack of understanding and I would lose them as friends.

[Jean Grey]

I would love to be 100% open with my friends. It's just, when I think about telling them the truth about me, I'm faced with the problem of not knowing many things about myself at the moment either.

To be open with them would mean to confront them with the chaos that is me, and I like them too much to do this to them.

I try to be as open as I can because I hate lies and falsehood and sincerely believe that they do not belong in a friendship, but everything about my life has always been of a blurred, vague, diffuse character that at times even makes it impossible for me to be 100% open with myself because for all I know I could be misunderstanding myself completely.