how do you get over someone

[Whatever123]

I've been in love with my best friend for 6 years, nobody knew about it. A year ago we got into a huge fight and haven't talked much since. For a while I was numb to the whole thing, but now it's making me miserable. I'm was a different person when I was with her. I was more confident, I had a plan for my life, and I was just happier. I wanted to be someone who could provide for her and make her proud. Now I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and I feel so alone. She's been a huge part of my life and I don't know how to forget about her. Any suggestions?

[Guest]

I'd give anything to be able to answer this question.. I'm in a sort of the same sort of different boat.. but yeah, pain. Lots of pain. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon

[Lord Jade Cross]

I guess ir depends. Some people focus on the negative qualities of a person in order to attempt to forget about them. Others just take time and with time forget about the feelings they felt for them. As the saying goes "eyes that dont see, heart that can't feel"

[Raina.]

G o d. This sounds like my life. My ex-girlfriend and very best friend broke it off with me back in February and I'm honestly still not over it? The worst thing is that we used to talk about moving in with eachother, even if we wouldn't last relationship-wise. We had so much faith in our connection. But ever since that moment, we've barely spoken to eachother and things are different between us? I considered her my soulmate, really. We'd known eachother for four years, and now it's like we've barely even existed together. It kills me.

Unfortunately, I feel like the only option here is to ride out the pain. ): "Getting over" someone who was also your best friend is probably even harder than getting over them as a partner. To me, anyway. Especially when you've lost both sides. I'm so very sorry you're hurting. *hugs* All I can say is that I hope it'll get better soon. Hang in there. <3 And I apologise for this totally useless answer.

[Holy Ghost]

I got over my ex by doing new things, having fun with friends and meeting new people.

make new memories and don't stay locked away :D

[Znkyou]

You liked yourself more when you were with them, right? The best advice, to me, that's also somewhat painful, is to live as you did when you were with them. It's sort of the same way I'd go about living after someone dies. In both cases, they're not immediately in your life anymore, afterall. Just maybe, you'll find someone to be with you in the way that they were.

It really helps to let your artistic side run wild, also. Paint, compose, write, sing, animate, plant - whatever you feel like doing in memory of them, don't hold yourself back and tell yourself there's no time. Mourn their loss in whatever (legal, haha) way feels right.

And on top of these things, sometimes it's just nice to talk about what you had to someone who's willing to listen. Just telling someone, even if it wasn't exactly your fault, 'Man, I really screwed up.' can be so liberating.

Lastly.. I know it's been a year or so, but if there's anything you left unsaid that you have the opportunity to say, I'd take it. I've missed saying 'good bye' and 'thanks' more times than I'd like. It may seem awkward to officially end a relationship, or perhaps a chapter in a relationship, but it sits well.

[Frigid Pink]

I definitely think that it gets better with time, however, there are definitely things we can do to avoid rumination on the past. I highly recommend these articles:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/excerpt-from-the-no-contact-rule-getting-trapped-by-your-own-feelings/

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/getting-past-disappointment-let-go-of-the-fixed-ideas-that-hurt-you/

[Autumn Season]

Unfortunately, I feel like the only option here is to ride out the pain. ): "Getting over" someone who was also your best friend is probably even harder than getting over them as a partner. To me, anyway. Especially when you've lost both sides.

So true.

I got over my ex by removing everything which reminded me of them from sight. At first I thought I should accept my feelings of loss and by doing so I would move on with my life. But this didn't work. So I started doing lots of new-ish activities which had nothing to do with them and lots to do with other people.

[Niks24]

When something similar happened to me, I decided to not dwell on the past and I closed the door. Rather than having a halfhearted post-breakup friendship with that person, I just moved on completely, to different experiences and new people. It started with a slow transition from speaking to that person less to not speaking at all, because I just didn't have time for it anymore. It took me a while, but I forgot to mourn eventually because I kept myself immensely busy with my studies, activities and the new friendships I was forming. The important thing for me to do was to communicate this to the other person at every stage so they didn't develop different expectations of our closing friendship, which was naturally disintegrating anyway.

The above might seem sort of cold and detached - but I was in as much pain as you initially. And now, I reflect on the time I spent with that person as a sweet but distant memory of the past; I'm no longer hung up on it and I look forward to bigger and better things. I hope you reach that stage soon :)

[Whatever123]

G o d. This sounds like my life. My ex-girlfriend and very best friend broke it off with me back in February and I'm honestly still not over it? The worst thing is that we used to talk about moving in with eachother, even if we wouldn't last relationship-wise. We had so much faith in our connection. But ever since that moment, we've barely spoken to eachother and things are different between us? I considered her my soulmate, really. We'd known eachother for four years, and now it's like we've barely even existed together. It kills me.

Unfortunately, I feel like the only option here is to ride out the pain. ): "Getting over" someone who was also your best friend is probably even harder than getting over them as a partner. To me, anyway. Especially when you've lost both sides. I'm so very sorry you're hurting. *hugs* All I can say is that I hope it'll get better soon. Hang in there. <3 And I apologise for this totally useless answer.

We talked about moving in together too, but then she met her husband and started to treat me like dirt.

[Whatever123]

Lastly.. I know it's been a year or so, but if there's anything you left unsaid that you have the opportunity to say, I'd take it. I've missed saying 'good bye' and 'thanks' more times than I'd like. It may seem awkward to officially end a relationship, or perhaps a chapter in a relationship, but it sits well.

I've thought about telling her, but I never have the chance. I wouldn't want to say something like this in an IM and I never see her.

[RoseGoesToYale]

They say time heals all (which I personally think is annoying advice, but it has a ring of truth). I've found a good way to get over someone is to just focus on yourself for a while. Maybe dress a little fancier than normal or do something you really love doing but don't do often. You can also try doing something new, like taking up a new hobby or going someplace out of your routine. The newness can help bring you out of the daily repetition and eventually it's like turning a page in your mind. It hurts for a bit and that's the awful part, but it does get better. :)

[Arte]

It all depends on the type of person you are. For me personally I've done different things in past situations. I guess I'd say you should try and meet someone else to sort of "replace" that person. Obviously, that can be pretty hard, but even the search for someone new could help take you mind off of it. And if that doesn't work then just let yourself feel the pain. It's not always a bad thing to be depressed, it helps you feel good later.

[Chihiro]

I know how it feels. My close friend betrayed me for her boyfriend and I was in terrible pain for days. I had no idea she could turn into such a bad selfish person and the realization that I was just used for her personal gains was terrible. Few days after her betrayal she had to move away, but it still made no difference to me. However, on my part I still tried to stay good to her and hoped we would remain in talking terms at-least if not friends.

So one day her mom was trying to call her, but when she didn't answer the call, her mom called me. I had no idea where she was or what she was doing since we were out of touch. But somehow contacted her on social media to let her know about her mom. I continued to hurt. But on my birthday she actually called to wish me. At-last I could see one positive thing from her and that gave me a closure. Because until that point I was obsesses with all her bad qualities and all her selfish acts.

We have both moved on, but I can now look back at our wonderful memories and smile.

I hope you find a closure in some way too. The healing process may be difficult, but have faith that you will feel better one day. Do a lot of little new things meanwhile, like one new friend, one new place to visit, one new hobby, a new pet etc. When you keep your mind active in other things you wont feel that bad. Children and pets can give a mental boost anytime, they never fail :D

[Chihiro]

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