Am I too young to be ace?

[Lolimaperson]

I'm only 14 but I've never experienced any sexual attraction to anybody. I've found people aesthetically pleasing, would be fine having a relationship but only if there were not sexual contact (sex, kissing even.) and ik some of you will say I just haven't developed yet but for me I've pretty much finished pubrety (I was an early bloomer) so idk. What do you guys think?

[Custos]

ah, honestly a good question that I like to answer with:

Surely aren't we all "too young" to be heterosexual? Yet we all are from birth by default.

I've identified since sixteen officially though never felt sexual attraction beforehand so it's completely possible to be asexual at any age. So I assure you, if you wish to identify as Asexual now, go for it. Welcome to the AVEN community and if there ever came a time where things changed in your feelings, there's nothing wrong with identifying as something else.

Welcome to AVEN again!!

[Wineblood]

This will probably get some flack, but yes. It doesn't you're not though, I just believe it's too early to tell for sure.

[Briar_Witch_Hazel]

I think it's perfectly fine to identify as asexual if that's what you feel most comfortable with. Sexuality can be quite fluid as well as confusing so if you figure out you're not asexual or find a term you think suits you better that's normal. Welcome to the community and good luck with figuring things out! ^_^

[Guest]

I vote for too young. I'm highly sexual but hadn't felt anything at your age... for me, it was 16-17, but there's a very large range for "normal" development or whatever.

[Kappamaki]

I'd say that 14 is too early to know for absolute certain that you're ace.

But it is by no means too early to identify as ace. Most people already know their sexualities by age 14 and can identify as straight or gay or bisexual. Many people can do so already by age 10. And you can identify as ace even if you aren't absolutely 100% certain that you aren't just a 'late bloomer.' (I hate that phrase. Flower metaphors for sexuality... ugh.)

Also, that 'late bloomer' argument will be leveled against you even long after it makes any sense at all. There's no cut-off. People still tell me that when I tell them I'm ace, and I'm in my twenties.

[EnigmaticAnomaly]

I'd say you are certainly not too young, especially since I am only 13 and identify as asexual and agender. If teens are old enough to decide they are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or pansexual at this age, they why should we get pushed down.. Why should we be told that we just haven't realized our feelings yet? Considering most kindergarteners have had a crush, I'd say the teen years are a little TOO late to be calling someone a late bloomer.

[Guest]

I would say your not to young. I'm Aromatic asexual and 13. I have questioned if I'm to young, but then I found others my age, (that helped me be more assured), and did a little research. You probably can tell when others can tell that they are Hetro, Homo, Bi, Etc. So I hoped this help! ^_^

[Guest]

Right? Lots of gay folk don't know into their teens, twenties... I've known more than a few people who didn't figure it out until some random event late in their lives... my ex discovered she was straight at age 29... I was about 17, personally.

So, yes. It's one thing to start wanting to bang dudes at 15 and realize you're gay... totally different to experience nothing at age 15 and decide you'll never ever have a sexual experience. That's just... speculation.

Edit: I'm sorry, not 15, but 13 years old...

*smh*

[Wineblood]

I'd say that 14 is too early to know for absolute certain that you're ace.

But it is by no means too early to identify as ace

Aren't those the same thing?

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I wouldn't ever say you're too young to know, but I would urge caution over identifying too strongly with it for a few more years. By that I mean you start incorporating it into your identity to a degree that a change/blossoming of your sexuality would cause you distress, because you are of an age where you could still be going through puberty.

[Kappamaki]

I'd say that 14 is too early to know for absolute certain that you're ace.

But it is by no means too early to identify as ace

Aren't those the same thing?

Nope!

You can only know for absolute certain that you're of a certain sexual orientation if you can somehow prove it, but you don't have to thoroughly prove your sexuality to yourself to identify with it. Educated guesses are allowed. If someone thinks they're probably ace, and that it's more likely than being straight or gay or whatever, then it makes sense to identify with asexuality.

Even if they haven't been visited by the Divine Pigeon Alfred, who reveals unto people their true sexual orientations through visions.

Sort of like how a straight person can identify as straight despite not having yet met everyone else in the world and thus disproven the possibility that they might actually be bisexual or pansexual.

Let's say there's a girl named Emily. She's attracted to some boys she meets. Maybe she would be strongly sexually attracted to millions of girls that all happen to live in Argentina (Emily has never been to Argentina: she lives in Svalbard, where she works as a polar bear researcher despite being only fifteen). It's reasonable for her to identify as straight and guess that she wouldn't be attracted to those girls in Argentina without proving it.

By the way, Emily's best friend is a goat named Karl. Karl grants wishes.

[Guest]

It's really not the same though. It's impossible to know you're asexual at 13... any guess is simply a guess, it's not an educated guess at all. It's no different than throwing a dart at a dartboard and naming one's orientation that way.

[Tarfeather]

First off, it's irrelevant.

Second, my money's on either asexual or gray.

Third, maybe I'm going by my own experiences too much, but by age 14 I was pretty much completely functionally developed in most ways, and I remember how pissed off I used to be when people wouldn't acknowledge it at that age, so I'm inclined to believe this person.

[AsexuallyME]

I knew that I was asexual at 5, I just didn't know the terminology...

[Guest]

I knew that I was asexual at 5, I just didn't know the terminology...

:D

I knew when I was 3! But then my sexuality fluidly shifted when I was 17 and I was sexual. But I was asexual until then, I swear it!

[ArteMiss]

I don't think your too young, I mean, technicality, when you think about it, we're all ace at some point when were younger. Cause if babies were attracted to eachother that would be creepy. But anyhow, some people just stay that way and never "grow out of it".

[123cosmo]

I dont think age affects it too much, whats important is the present. There is no need to dwell on the past or worry for the future, what your comfortable with now may change so just use (or not use) labels your comfortable with until they possibly change. Btw im just gonna mention how great it is to see some fellow younger aces on here.

[Ace_Kat]

I don't think you are ever too young to know who you truly are. I think that you should be able to identify yourself at any given age. You are you, you make the decisions on what your own sexuality is.

[cavyX]

Moved to Asexual Q&A.

cavyX

[deltaX]

I think the issue of whether or not 14 is too young to know depends a lot on the individual person. I think some people might be able to know at that age (I know I would have if I had known about asexuality), while others might need more time to know for sure. People age and develop at different rates, so there isn't one age that's "old enough" for someone to know they're asexual.

My suggestion would be to identify as asexual if that's what feels right to you, but also be open to the possibility that it could change as you get older. It think this is important to keep in mind anyway, because no matter how old you are, sexuality can be fluid and change. I hope that helps a little bit, and I wish you the best in deciding how to identify! :)

[binary suns]

I'm only 14 but I've never experienced any sexual attraction to anybody. I've found people aesthetically pleasing, would be fine having a relationship but only if there were not sexual contact (sex, kissing even.) and ik some of you will say I just haven't developed yet but for me I've pretty much finished pubrety (I was an early bloomer) so idk. What do you guys think?

if you're a late bloomer what difference does it make to your immediate future? follow your dreams, interests, whatever. don't force yourself to do stuff you don't like, and don't rely on the opinions of others to determine who you wanna be. life changes in many ways and we usually can't predict the changes xD

when I was in high school I thought about relationships and said I'd deal with it later. I assumed I'd like sex when it got around to it, but still just put it off and did whatever was fun to me at the time, being stuff like chess club, anime club, dnd club, and passing notes to my friend in history class. also a lot of card games or game boy at lunchtime 'cause, whatever xD

when it came to college, eventually I felt impatient and "uncool" and had a relationship and then another and then I had sex in one relationship and more than a few times and ended up hurting myself. and my partner I think but maybe not the breakup was weird. and TBH I think it's possible I'd be in a sexual relationship someday and like sex, although I'm currently assuming I'd prefer a sex-free relationship, but well, since I had tried to force something it ended up poorly for me.

[Raina.]

I don't think you're too young at all. I think it's a pretty sucky thing to tell people that, just like telling someone of your age that they're too young to know if they're gay etc. Don't let anyone else tell you what you can or cannot feel. (: I think these days teenagers are more aware of different identifications, therefore I think it's entirely possible for you. At your age I just thought I was wired wrong, 'cause I had no idea asexuality was even a thing.

Hang in there!

[FlyFlygonFly]

Hey friend, you remind me a lot of my niece. She too hit puberty early which lead her to question her sexuality quite young, so I'll tell you what I told her.

She was maybe 11 and I was driving her somewhere. She started talking about the sex education class she had had in school that day and asking me questions, which I answered comfortably (if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know). She then admitted that she didn't think she was attracted to anybody and worried that she may not be straight OR gay. I came out to her as asexual and explained what that is and she said that sounded like her.

I encouraged her to use that label if that's how she felt, but I also told her that she's quite young right now and sexuality can change throughout your lifetime and that's ok. Only you can decide what you are. She's still young and undecided but I think she identifies more as bisexual than asexual now.

I used to think of myself as bisexual, then pansexual and finally settled as asexual after lots of research, trial and error. Even now I'm not sure if I'm panromantic or aromantic. The point is, use the label that works for you (not for anybody else) at that particular time, and remember it doesn't invalidate yourself or others if you change your mind in the future.

[Philip027]

Once you're old enough to understand what sexual orientations are, you're old enough to know what yours is.

Controversial opinion: knowing you're asexual should not be compared to knowing whether you're gay/bi/straight.

And why not? That sounds a lot like the whole "aces can never be totally sure that they aren't just demi" argument, which is a load of shit, for the record.

It's disheartening to see aces policing their own kind <_<

[nikarose7]

You can identify however feels most comfortable to you. Just be open to changing as you keep developing. As you get a little older, you may have more sexual feelings. As was already mentioned here, sexuality is fluid. Keep an open mind and keep doing what makes you feel best.

[Mermaidy]

Also keep in mind that, while you may be convinced now that you "can't know," just know that you can't know that you're hetero/pan/etcsexual either. By that I mean, you don't need to say/think for sure you are anything yet. When I was younger I thought that well if people tell me I can't know I'm ace then I must be sexual, and I ended up forcing myself into sexual situations since I figured my sexual feelings would come up somewhere. They didn't, and I just made myself miserable and disturbed. granted that's solely on my fault since I made that dumb assumption, but keep this in mind. don't worry strongly about getting other people's opinions

[Rinner]

You're definitely not too young :) I was also around your age when I started to think about sexuality, and wondering why I was different from my friends. Finding out about asexuality was a big relief :)

And when are you supposed to know for sure what sexuality you are anyway? 16? 18? 25? 35? There isn't a way to prove that you are a certain sexuality and will be for the rest of your life. Sexuality can change and be fluid as people grow older, and that's ok. Sexuality is less like one box per sexuality and more like a spectrum.

If you feel that the description of asuxality fits you now, then you're ace. :) Do only what you're comfortable with and remember that no one else can decide what you are but you.

[Niliinvas]

I don't think its too young to ID as ace. I mean, I'm just 15 and ID as ace. But Its good to keep yourself open and understand that sexuality is fluid. Like skull said, they weren't fully sexual until 17. It doesn't make you any less ace now, however.

[EnigmaticAnomaly]

First off, it's irrelevant.Second, my money's on either asexual or gray.Third, maybe I'm going by my own experiences too much, but by age 14 I was pretty much completely functionally developed in most ways, and I remember how pissed off I used to be when people wouldn't acknowledge it at that age, so I'm inclined to believe this person.

Thank you! At least some people agree..