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There are asexual people who desired partnered sex (one more paradox of asexuality)


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This statement is a direct result of the fact, there are asexual people with libido who feel desire to release their needs from time to time.

Let's say, there is an asexual person with a strong libido, that has been raised in a very conservative religious community. The only permitted and accetable sexual activity for them is partnered sex after marriage. Masturbation is considered as a sin which will be recompensed. If the person is deeply religious indeed, he or she obviously will prefer the "permitted" way of release, and will be abstain untill marriage and then have sex with their husband/wife.

The initial statement is the person has a desire to release their needs, they even can enjoy the prosess of fulfilling that desire, and it's not contradict to the asexuality definition. The difference is partnered sex is the only available option for them. So, their desire to have it will be actually just a desire of release, not an actually 'desire of partnered sex". They just don't have a choice.

Yes or No?

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This topic really has interested me for a long time because i too have seen it happening in the church im going, that people werent able to commit to that line that says that sexual acts before marriage is a sin and just had a relationship anway where they did have sex, I have even seen pastors doing this because they couldnt wait untill they were married and in the end they failed to keep theyre position in church.

I can imagine that a person with a high libido would have to deal with guilt, and what the pastors will say, what the bible teaches them and what theyre fellow christians will say about them and if they will condemn them or not, sometimes the social pressure can be really high if people are expecting certain behaviour from you who is a part of theyre community and are following theyre beliefs. I know countless stories of people who have been trough this and eventually ended up leaving the church because nobody understood theyre feelings, some have even left christianity for that same reason.

I too have to deal with the fact that i am asexual but am expected to give sex to my partner once im married, if i will ever marry someone and often felt the pressure of that people were praying for me to find a partner wich i currently dont desire in a matter of fact i have thought for years that i was keeping myself safe and sane untill marriage but in the end i just dont desire sex at all.

It all comes down to the point that they can be doing it to release all the build up tension but maybe also out of pure desire. I dont know how desire works because i dont experience it but i can imagine that its very hard to control yourself and try to hide it from your partner especially if you have a high libido.

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Desire falls along a long spectrum. Sometimes sex is not just sex, but it is used as a substitute for something else not readily accessible in a relationship or a persons life: perhaps it is excitement, sexual release, self-affirming, etc.

Intention is key in such interactions. Is the intention to enjoy an act with someone because such an act has no substitutes? If it is, then they probably aren't asexual. If the intention is "I have to do this...because I can't do that", then I can't say it is really the focus of the desire, rather a means to gain a close substitute to what you really want in such a situation: release.

As an asexual with libido, I don't find sex a means at all of satisfying my libidinous urges. If anything, it allows for a shallow fulfillment of it so that it arises sooner in a more irritating fashion. The better strategy for me has always been to abstain completely if my only choice was partnered intercourse.

That is what my strategy had been with my sexual partner, but I don't now exactly if it would be the same with an asexual partner with libido. Maybe do it as a foreplay for selfplay? I don't know. Frankly I'd rather just play a bunch of boardgames, go for a walk on the seaside, or work on a physical or intellectual project together.

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It depends what you mean by libido; do you mean a desire to masturbate or a desire to have sex (as it refers to both). If the latter then no, those are not asexuals; asexuals do not desire sex. They are sexual; specifically Cupiosexual. If the former, then yes; some asexuals masturbate and some don't.

The initial statement is the person has a desire to release their needs, they even can enjoy the prosess of fulfilling that desire, and it's not contradict to the asexuality definition. The difference is partnered sex is the only available option for them. So, their desire to have it will be actually just a desire of release, not an actually 'desire of partnered sex". They just don't have a choice.

Are you asking if an asexual is not permitted to masturbate due to their religion and thus satisfies it through sex, are they sexual or asexual? They're asexual but their religion is making it appear that they're sexual. They don't genuinely prefer sex, but their hand is being forced in the matter.

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Desire falls along a long spectrum. Sometimes sex is not just sex, but it is used as a substitute for something else not readily accessible in a relationship or a persons life: perhaps it is excitement, sexual release, self-affirming, etc.

Intention is key in such interactions. Is the intention to enjoy an act with someone because such an act has no substitutes? If it is, then they probably aren't asexual. If the intention is "I have to do this...because I can't do that", then I can't say it is really the focus of the desire, rather a means to gain a close substitute to what you really want in such a situation: release.

As an asexual with libido, I don't find sex a means at all of satisfying my libidinous urges. If anything, it allows for a shallow fulfillment of it so that it arises sooner in a more irritating fashion. The better strategy for me has always been to abstain completely if my only choice was partnered intercourse.

That is what my strategy had been with my sexual partner, but I don't now exactly if it would be the same with an asexual partner with libido. Maybe do it as a foreplay for selfplay? I don't know. Frankly I'd rather just play a bunch of boardgames, go for a walk on the seaside, or work on a physical or intellectual project together.

Desire falls along a long spectrum. Sometimes sex is not just sex, but it is used as a substitute for something else not readily accessible in a relationship or a persons life: perhaps it is excitement, sexual release, self-affirming, etc.

Intention is key in such interactions. Is the intention to enjoy an act with someone because such an act has no substitutes? If it is, then they probably aren't asexual. If the intention is "I have to do this...because I can't do that", then I can't say it is really the focus of the desire, rather a means to gain a close substitute to what you really want in such a situation: release.

As an asexual with libido, I don't find sex a means at all of satisfying my libidinous urges. If anything, it allows for a shallow fulfillment of it so that it arises sooner in a more irritating fashion. The better strategy for me has always been to abstain completely if my only choice was partnered intercourse.

That is what my strategy had been with my sexual partner, but I don't now exactly if it would be the same with an asexual partner with libido. Maybe do it as a foreplay for selfplay? I don't know. Frankly I'd rather just play a bunch of boardgames, go for a walk on the seaside, or work on a physical or intellectual project together.

Let's say, they do it just because they believe, it's the only option to release. If that permetted and they aren't sex repulsed, why not?

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It depends what you mean by libido; do you mean a desire to masturbate or a desire to have sex. If the latter then no, those are not asexuals; asexuals do not desire sex. They are sexual; specifically Cupiosexual.

I mean an universal desire of sexual release. I'm not sure, if there are special kinds of libido. At least, I can't distinguish them.

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A clarification: sexual people often feel a desire of partnered sex, but do masturbation, when pertnered sex is not available. I mean the opposite thing: a person desires of masturbation, but do partnered sex, cause masturbation is not available for them , but partnered sex is.

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This topic really has interested me for a long time because i too have seen it happening in the church im going, that people werent able to commit to that line that says that sexual acts before marriage is a sin and just had a relationship anway where they did have sex, I have even seen pastors doing this because they couldnt wait untill they were married and in the end they failed to keep theyre position in church.

I can imagine that a person with a high libido would have to deal with guilt, and what the pastors will say, what the bible teaches them and what theyre fellow christians will say about them and if they will condemn them or not, sometimes the social pressure can be really high if people are expecting certain behaviour from you who is a part of theyre community and are following theyre beliefs. I know countless stories of people who have been trough this and eventually ended up leaving the church because nobody understood theyre feelings, some have even left christianity for that same reason.

I too have to deal with the fact that i am asexual but am expected to give sex to my partner once im married, if i will ever marry someone and often felt the pressure of that people were praying for me to find a partner wich i currently dont desire in a matter of fact i have thought for years that i was keeping myself safe and sane untill marriage but in the end i just dont desire sex at all.

It all comes down to the point that they can be doing it to release all the build up tension but maybe also out of pure desire. I dont know how desire works because i dont experience it but i can imagine that its very hard to control yourself and try to hide it from your partner especially if you have a high libido.

This topic really has interested me for a long time because i too have seen it happening in the church im going, that people werent able to commit to that line that says that sexual acts before marriage is a sin and just had a relationship anway where they did have sex, I have even seen pastors doing this because they couldnt wait untill they were married and in the end they failed to keep theyre position in church.

I can imagine that a person with a high libido would have to deal with guilt, and what the pastors will say, what the bible teaches them and what theyre fellow christians will say about them and if they will condemn them or not, sometimes the social pressure can be really high if people are expecting certain behaviour from you who is a part of theyre community and are following theyre beliefs. I know countless stories of people who have been trough this and eventually ended up leaving the church because nobody understood theyre feelings, some have even left christianity for that same reason.

I too have to deal with the fact that i am asexual but am expected to give sex to my partner once im married, if i will ever marry someone and often felt the pressure of that people were praying for me to find a partner wich i currently dont desire in a matter of fact i have thought for years that i was keeping myself safe and sane untill marriage but in the end i just dont desire sex at all.

It all comes down to the point that they can be doing it to release all the build up tension but maybe also out of pure desire. I dont know how desire works because i dont experience it but i can imagine that its very hard to control yourself and try to hide it from your partner especially if you have a high libido.

Yes, it's probably would be hard for them to restrain themselves until marriage, that's why many religious people get marry very early.

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Depends on the sense of the word asexual.

Just as there are more than one type of sexual (homosexual/heterosexual/bisexual/etc) there are more than one type of asexual.

Where sexuals can be divide based upon to whom they have sexual urges, we can be divide by libido or if we are sex favorable/repulsed, whether we lack attraction, or whether we lack desire. This is because sexuality is a complex interaction between a huge number of factors and parts of our brain. Instinct, attraction, desire, and other drives all play a role.

If you are referring to people's "Attraction Orientation" or the asexual umbrella in general, then "yes, we can." Cupiosexuals and some Graysexuals fall under this title. This means they aren't attracted to anyone.

If you are referring to ones drive or "Desire Orientation," then the answer is "no, there isn't." You can not be asexual in respect to desire and still desire partnered sex for its own sake. You could desire sex in order to have a child, or to please a partner, or some tertiary reason like that. But you can't desire sex for its own sake.

So yes, in your religious person example is an example of someone desiring release, not partnered sex; and, they are only allowed to release through one way. However, that is still not "desiring sex."

And, it has to be pointed out, that it is possible for one to be confused about what asexuality means.

EDIT: Before someone yells at me, this is solely my opinion.

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EDIT: Before someone yells at me, this is solely my opinion.

YELL YELL YELL!

Actually, I support much of what you said. XD

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It depends what you mean by libido; do you mean a desire to masturbate or a desire to have sex. If the latter then no, those are not asexuals; asexuals do not desire sex. They are sexual; specifically Cupiosexual.

I mean an universal desire of sexual release. I'm not sure, if there are special kinds of libido. At least, I can't distinguish them.

Well masturbation is sexual and thus a type of sexual release (but still not sex). There's only sex (partnered genital stimulation) and masturbation under libido, and yes, there is a difference between masturbation and sex, so yes, there are two different types of libido. As i said, an asexual can desire to masturbate, but not to have sex; so answering it under a general use of the word sexual release with a yes or no answer isn't so simple. If you meant sexual release as in any type of sex, then yes, an asexual cannot desire that.

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It depends what you mean by libido; do you mean a desire to masturbate or a desire to have sex. If the latter then no, those are not asexuals; asexuals do not desire sex. They are sexual; specifically Cupiosexual.

I mean an universal desire of sexual release. I'm not sure, if there are special kinds of libido. At least, I can't distinguish them.

Well masturbation is sexual and thus a type of sexual release (but still not sex). There's only sex (partnered genital stimulation) and masturbation under libido, and yes, there is a difference between masturbation and sex, so yes, there are two different types of libido. As i said, an asexual can desire to masturbate, but not to have sex; so answering it under a general use of the word sexual release with a yes or no answer isn't so simple. If you meant sexual release as in any type of sex, then yes, an asexual cannot desire that.

I made a clarification above:

*A clarification: sexual people often feel a desire of partnered sex, but do masturbation, when pertnered sex is not available. I mean the opposite thing: a person desires of masturbation, but do partnered sex, cause masturbation is not available for them , but partnered sex is.*

And there is any lable for people who have only "general libido" , without that specification?

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Libido refers to both sex and masturbation, sex-drive strictly refers to sex, and there is no word for desiring to masturbate.

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