Bravella Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Hello everyone! I joined a while back and haven't really been too active since, but I felt compelled to start browsing the forums again. Glad to be back! I'm well aware at this point of the fact that asexual individuals can experience arousal in some cases. But that hasn't stopped me from questioning whether or not I would consider myself to be asexual due to my response to certain situations. I am 24 and have never done anything beyond making out and never had a long term relationship. About a year and a half ago I went on some online dates with a few guys. On the third and fourth date with one of the guys, I never felt a real desire to do anything physical, but sort of pushed myself to initiate kissing because I felt like I needed to test the waters/it felt appropriate. While I don't remember ever really feeling a pull to kiss him or do anything beyond that, I did become aroused when we got into the thick of our makeout sessions and the feelings definitely lingered the rest of the night. In addition to this, I just this summer experienced a really random twinge of arousal when this guy I thought was cute put his arm around me. But I guess since it seemed so out of the blue and unexpected that's a pretty good indication that it doesn't occur often for me. Anyone else out there relate to me on this? And if you do, do you consider yourself asexual, gray-a, etc? Just curious. I definitely have a libido and experience arousal, but I am still trying to figure out if I experience sexual attraction on any level - although signs are pointing to probably not. I'm also trying to come to grips with what kind of romantic attraction I experience, but one step at a time. :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Arousal = physical feeling Attraction = physical feeling about/toward another person Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace of Cakes Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 I actually get aroused pretty easily, but I've never felt sexual attraction. I think it's really common to doubt your asexuality at times, so you're not alone in that. I consider myself completely asexual, although once in awhile, like you, I wonder if I'm more gray or something... For now though, I'm going with ace :) As for the "sexual attraction being hard to pinpoint/define" thing, yeah. That's why I prefer the definition of asexuality as a lack of sexual attraction or an innate desire for partnered sexual activity. Something like that. It doesn't really sound like you feel that innate desire, so I'd say it's safe to call yourself asexual if you want! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Arousal is a biological reaction and while it can be connected to attraction it isn't always. Asexual means a person lacking sexual attraction and/or a person who has no desire for partnered sex. If that sounds like you and you want to use the label then feel free to do so. No worries. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bravella Posted November 23, 2015 Author Share Posted November 23, 2015 Thank you all for your responses! It's really easy to get caught up in your own head and this helped a lot. :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SubØhm Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 When I look at aesthetically pleasing girls, I sometimes get aroused but have no desire to have sex with them just snuggles and watching movies it's very confusing. So I wonder if I'm sometimes more in the grey spectrum it's still very confusing to me, but for now since I have no desire to do the do with a partner I'm going with asexual. Hopefully this helped! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BrightCancer Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I like romantic things and imagine them and like watching or reading them but never want to or had desire to do them with anyone or was attracted to anyone that way....it is confusing for others and hard to understand....but i never desire to touch or kiss anyone or even get close to them in anyway.....i never hugged anyone for real even, in other words....i don't like physical contact of any kind with anyone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 You can think of it like gender-based sexual orientations: a lot of people get aroused by watching porn featuring a gender they wouldn't be sexually attracted to in a real-life setting. People get aroused by things they aren't even comfortable watching. Asexual people can also get aroused by sexual concepts or ideas but never feel the pull to engage in it with anyone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 yeah I can get aroused when in a "make out" session and I used to be all "that means I wanna have sex right" but then when I got to the sex part and still didn't really wanna do it I got really scared and confused and hurt and it was no fun :( sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night aroused for whatever reason and I hate it I mean there was one time while having sex that it was actually fun holy woah that was something new and unusual! so I think if I had a sexual partner I'd do OK but TBH I would rather have an ace partner. and I don't want to feel pressure to find out how to replicate that one fun time I had. 'cause while the feeling of arousal is something I'm used to, doing something about it is not interesting to me and I'd just rather ignore it or "deal with it" in private since "dealing with it" I find unappealing Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bravella Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 Yes to all of this! This is definitely helping me process my feelings. For a long time I thought I was of the "I'm just not ready" camp, but the more I reflected on it, the more I came to realize that I might not ever be "ready" (aka wow...maybe I'm asexual?).....the arousal aspect (and the fact that I definitely have a fetish or two) really confused me, but hearing about your experiences is really putting me better in touch with my own. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
levelskid Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Yeah, arousal is a physical thing, not an attraction thing. I get aroused by touch very easily, mostly in mornings and sometimes late at night, but it's usually just a simple bump that would do it. I would consider myself grey, but I'm still questioning because I experience attraction but never want to do anything with it much less sex. It never crossed my mind when aroused, just how annoying arousal is. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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