lizhope Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 This is gonna sound like a weird post, but I read about demisexuality recently, and I wonder if it could be me. Not like it matters at all, but I've always felt a bit different in terms of romance and sex. I found this site 5 years ago when I was 20 but never posted. I had just gotten into a relationship with my first boyfriend and wondered if I was asexual. I never really felt romantically attracted (no crushes) on anyone (male or female) and no desire for sex... As a teen, I just didn't understand how my friends were so boy crazy... it seemed foreign to me. That first relationship didn't work out. We dated for a year. Fast forward to now... I am a happily married 25 year old woman blessed to be with my best friend. We've been married for 6 months and happily together for 4 years. Right after breaking up with that other guy, I met my husband online and we quickly discovered we were soul mates and became best friends quite quickly. Pretty quickly into our relationship I realized I wanted to be physically intimate in a way I never desired w/ anyone else, but we also already had that connection- it's not like i saw him and was like "i want to be in bed w/ him". I never felt an emotional connection to any guy before... and I actually have a normal sex drive with my husband. It feels awesome and i do really crave it intensely sometimes, where my body almost aches for sex. But i've just never been sexually interested in people like normal girls were. I guess this was good in that it helped me keep my commitment to save my virginity for my husband, which was important due to my faith. I just never wanted sex with anyone else, ever... really never liked anyone else. I remember when girls started becoming interested in boys in middle school, I had absolutely no interest and it seemed kinda foreign and the same thing when they were talking about hot celebrities. I thought it was silly, and wondered if there was something different or wrong with me, and i wanted to have a crush. I never had crushes as a teen or anything like that. Around age 20 or so when i met my first boyfriend who actively pursued me, I seriously thought I might be asexual or aromatic something, and didn't know if i ever wanted to get married (i told him I wasn't a romantic person). I wasn't interested in girls either and had no interest in dating, until this guy very actively pursued me, and i dated him because i had such low self esteem and he told me i was beautiful and that it was God's will for us to get married. I think had a bit of a sex drive with him after I knew him well, but it wasn't until several months into the relationship when we were considering marriage, and he told me things like i was the most beautiful woman in the world (and we never did more than kiss because we were both waiting for marriage). Ok then I met my husband soon after I broke up with that guy. We had fun playing around sexually and I enjoyed it (although we ended up giving everything but intercourse to each other before our wedding night... which we didn't mean too), but having such a wonderful connection awakened that desire in me that i never had before. I never felt sexual before. Yet, i know now am far from asexual. I love having sex with my husband- i have awesome orgasms. I just didn't have sexual or romantic attraction to many people, like other girls did growing up, and still don't see random guys and think "i want to have sex with them". It took falling in love with a soul mate and best friend and now i want to have sex with him... and i'm not sure if it's attraction, but it's that i have a horny body and deep connection, and sex just deepens it. Just interesting, but i think the demi label may fit, although it would be odd that i love sex if i'm on the asexual scale... Also, i will add that it could have skewed it because i had amenorrhea for most of my teen years due to disordered eating, and maybe my messed up, low hormone levels cut down my sex drive (or maybe i was so involved in my eating disorder that I didn't have room to be into boys) - i don't think so tho, because i had normal cycles as a young teen before my ED, and i still wasn't interested in boys and sex. Oh well... doesn't matter now, i guess, but i've always felt a bit different sexually than other people... Anyone relate? just curious because i was reading about demi and was like "that's me!" :), Liz Link to post Share on other sites
lizhope Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 oh and very sorry if it's taboo to post about my enjoyment and craving for sex here, since it's an asexual forum... i just found this site and i'm curious if i sound demi to you at all or if anyone can relate? Link to post Share on other sites
pinkroses Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 :o i feel like that too. like i dont want intercourse. im not into intercourse , but i would for my husband. I feel like for me personally i would more than just once in a while. i would want to with my husband. I am glad someone posted about this. I was feeling like an oddball. I felt this but i didnt know how to explain it. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 You know, if you couldn't talk about sex here, you couldn't talk about asexuality and anything related. So there are a lot of threads talking about sex here. If you're afraid of talking too explicitly about it, you can add "TMI" to your topic title. Having sexual feelings pretty quickly for your boyfriend (from what I understood) doesn't sound quite demi to me, but maybe another type of grey-a, and also grey-romantic if you feel romantic attraction very rarely. But it's only my personal opinion of course. Link to post Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Well, from what I found out from my close friends (all girls) was that they never actually looked at someone attractive and wanted to sleep with them. Someone attractive might just interest them in getting to know the person and if something develops from there, why not? Some sexuals might have that quick reflex of going from looks to desiring that person, but many I know actually don't do that. I have a couple of friends that have never even dated seriously (and they're about 23 years old) because they're picky and our religion pretty much makes us try to consider a person as a potential husband before even starting to pursue someone. For one friend in particular, she dedicates herself to her studies and God right now, so does that mean she's demisexual because she doesn't have the "average" sexual personality and relationship needs seemingly? Either way, only you can give yourself a label, but it would be possible that you're gray or just regular person who believes in a committed relationship (at the level of fiancee or marriage) before jumping into bed with someone. :)(And there's no shame in whatever you are. I used to feel bad for possibly having made the wrong attribution to where I stood initially, but my close friends and the people on here have shown me that sexuals are really not that different.) Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Demisexuality usually refers to experiencing sexual attraction after an emotional bond is formed so I'm not sure if that fits you or not. There are also a wide array of terms under the gray-(a)sexual umbrella you could look into if you really feel you need a label. Otherwise I wouldn't worry too much about it. Also you are allowed to talk about sex here. If you feel like you're being to explicit you can always put a tmi warning and maybe a spoiler. Link to post Share on other sites
lizhope Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 I don't feel i need a label... it's just i read something about it and it sounded kinda like me (the demi thing), so i was curious... until i met my husband i thought i was asexual. I didn't feel sexual right away w/ him. It wasn't until we were together for a while and we had that emotional bond. We waited to have intercourse till our wedding night because of our values. and pink roses, maybe i didn't explain quite right, but I (tmi) LOVE intercourse... it's just i never had normal attraction or desire till i formed a bond with someone. Never really had crushes ever... felt like i was a bit different in that way. doesn't matter now i suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 You could very well be demi but of course only you can know that for sure (goes against my moral to tell you that you are or are not something). My apologies if I came across as rude in my previous post. Link to post Share on other sites
lizhope Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 not at all :) Link to post Share on other sites
lizhope Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/demisexualitythis sounds so much like me Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 This debate talks about the definition of demisexuality, maybe it can help you : http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/128095-why-do-people-get-so-angry-about-demisexuals/ Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Moved thread from Asexual Q&A to The Grey Area. SkyWorld Asexual Q&A Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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