In the Gray Zone (Between Labels)--not sure if TMI

[chromanebula]

So, I realized a while back that while I have a lot in common with the asexual community, it would be a lie to identify as a pure asexual. I seen to pull a little from each of the 4 major "boxes" on AVEN.

Asexuality:

• Can't think of a real person I would actually have sex with
• Sex repulsed
• The few sex dreams I've had creeped me out (please don't ask for details)
• Tendency to "blank out" during attempts at fantasizing
• Sense of disconnect when friends talk about sex
• Don't understand why sex is such a big deal to others

Gray Asexuality:

• At times vague sense of attraction/desire but no desire to act on it
• Experiences of attraction are confusing
• Libido close to but not quite zero

Demisexuality:

• Don't understand appeal in casual dating/sex
• I can be drawn to certain people, but not really attracted until I know the person.
• Only 1 extended fantasy about a real person, and that was after we had just been through a lot together (albeit involving only a makeout session, not sex)
• Can find fictional characters charming and attractive, but I'm really only attracted to characters I've "gotten to know" and would like as people

Allosexuality:

• Automatic response to a firefighter one day at school, with a physical reaction and vague sense of attraction (but my memory of it is fuzzy, and this is against all my other experiences).
• Desire for sex as a vague concept (although doing it with an actual person would feel weird)
• Can tell when people are "hot", and even think in that term along with "pretty" or "cute"

Yes, I know some of these seem contradictory, but I'm pretty confused and unsure of what I should think of myself as. I tried to include as much as possible so you guys could help walk me through the label selection process. Thanks!

[JAKQ7111]

Just judging by what you have listed here, you sound not dissimilar to many of the grey-asexual testimonies I have heard both on AVEN and offline from grey-ace friends. In particular, what stand out to me are the fact that you have only experienced primary sexual attraction once from what you say, and the vague desire for sex as a concept, but not having much of any place to direct that desire most of the time. This is just my input, however, and ultimately it is your choice how you define yourself, and you know your experiences better than anyone.

[Member54880]

Do you think you intrinsically desire sex at all, or how often if you do? Being repulsed by sex isn't limited to asexuals, nor is not understanding why sex is such a big deal to others, although both of those are common experiences among asexuals. Asexuals can have differing libidos like anyone else.

Gray-asexual is an umbrella term that may be used for individuals who feel like they experience sexual attraction only to a limited degree, such as only experiencing it weakly enough to not feel any need to act on it, or only very rarely, or under very few and specific circumstances.

I see that you're currently identifying as demisexual in your profile; does that still feel the most applicable to you, since you said that you've only been drawn to people after knowing them for a considerable amount of time?

Generally, if someone is allosexual, then they experience sexual attraction clearly, and to a degree comparable to most other people, but that doesn't always wanting sex.

[SkyWorld]

Moved thread from Asexual Q&A to The Grey Area.

SkyWorld

Asexual Q&A Moderator

[chromanebula]

Do you think you intrinsically desire sex at all, or how often if you do? Being repulsed by sex isn't limited to asexuals, nor is not understanding why sex is such a big deal to others, although both of those are common experiences among asexuals. Asexuals can have differing libidos like anyone else.

Gray-asexual is an umbrella term that may be used for individuals who feel like they experience sexual attraction only to a limited degree, such as only experiencing it weakly enough to not feel any need to act on it, or only very rarely, or under very few and specific circumstances.

I see that you're currently identifying as demisexual in your profile; does that still feel the most applicable to you, since you said that you've only been drawn to people after knowing them for a considerable amount of time?

Generally, if someone is allosexual, then they experience sexual attraction clearly, and to a degree comparable to most other people, but that doesn't always wanting sex.

Changed to reflect new experiences :)

[scarletlatitude]

That's why it's called "gray". It's in between the black and white of sexual and asexual. It's supposed to be a spectrum and you can land anywhere on that spectrum.

I have some links in my signature that might be helpful to you. Whatever word you use, it's up to you to decide and you can always change your mind as you learn more about yourself. :)

[chromanebula]

As I said in my original post, I've had a lot of experiences, and I'm still a teenager, so my identity is complicated. But I think the crux of the matter is that I sort of like the idea of partnered sex, in a way, but not the reality of it (that is, the moment my imagination goes into any sort of detail, my aversion kicks in and I lose interest). Additionally, even when the idea sounds nice in my head, I can't think of anyone I'd actually be willing to follow through with.

Do other people identify as gray for that reason, or is that just allo but sex-averse?

[chromanebula]

That's why it's called "gray". It's in between the black and white of sexual and asexual. It's supposed to be a spectrum and you can land anywhere on that spectrum.

I have some links in my signature that might be helpful to you. Whatever word you use, it's up to you to decide and you can always change your mind as you learn more about yourself. :)

Yeah, I know there are a loooooot of identities that can be gray (many of which are in your links). But depending on how you look at it, I either don't exactly fit any of those descriptors, or I somewhat (mostly?) fit a lot of them. I can't even pin down where I am on the spectrum, which is annoying. I don't even know exactly what's going on inside my own head! Plus, having an unclear identity, I can't even talk about ace awareness without sounding like a special snowflake.

Okay, mini-rant done. Thanks for posting the helpful links!