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Doubting it now


somethingrandom

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somethingrandom

Basically I had a discussion with my friend yesterday about whether to tell my family I'm asexual and she's really understanding about asexuality and she was even the one who suggested I might be, but she asked me if I actually am or if I'm just scared or something? Like she *TMI warning* asked if I masturbate and I was said no it's never appealed or felt like something I needed to do and she was like well why don't you just try it but I seriously do not want to at all. Then she asked if I would ever have sex with anyone like if I knew them first or if I could be demi but to be honest, at least right now sex seems like something I couldn't even try like I just don't get it, but then is that because I'm asexual or just sort of scared because I've never done anything before? Just sort of confused after that conversation and doubting what I am now :unsure: any help would be appreciated.

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Hi, only you can decide of the asexual label fits you, and if you decide it fits you now, and later in you realise it no longer fits you, then you can stop using the label. It's that simple, yet it is a bit complicated also.

I identify as asexual because I have never felt sexual attraction to anyone my whole life and I don't think I ever will. Other members of this community experience sexual attraction on rare occasions.

People who identify as asexual have differences when it comes to our feelings about sex, some of us are sex negative, some are sex positive and some, like me are sex indifferent.

Some of us here are virgins and some, like me, are not. If you are scared or apprehensive about having sex, that does not make you asexual, but it does not mean you are not asexual either.

Hope this helps.

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somethingrandom

Hi, only you can decide of the asexual label fits you, and if you decide it fits you now, and later in you realise it no longer fits you, then you can stop using the label. It's that simple, yet it is a bit complicated also.

I identify as asexual because I have never felt sexual attraction to anyone my whole life and I don't think I ever will. Other members of this community experience sexual attraction on rare occasions.

People who identify as asexual have differences when it comes to our feelings about sex, some of us are sex negative, some are sex positive and some, like me are sex indifferent.

Some of us here are virgins and some, like me, are not. If you are scared or apprehensive about having sex, that does not make you asexual, but it does not mean you are not asexual either.

Hope this helps.

Thank you this helps :) It's just that I thought I was just a bit indifferent about sex and it may even gross me out a bit, but she said I could just be scared about trying it but I just think well no because I wouldn't try sky diving because I know I won't enjoy it? I just think you don't have to try something to know you won't enjoy it, but obviously you can try if you want. I'm pretty sure I'm asexual but I just felt doubt after that conversation.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Even if you were sexual and scared, you'd still *want*, in some fashion, sexual contact. You don't, and that's pretty much (my, this is all getting political right now) the definition of asexuality.

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Some people have to try sex to know their orientation, and others don't. I know for me personally, I feel about the same way as you do about sex, but to me it seems like a consequence of asexuality rather than a fear camouflaged as asexuality. It's up to you to figure out if your hesitance to try sex is asexuality or something else, and I wish you the best in figuring it out! :cake:

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somethingrandom

Thanks everyone for your help, I think discussing with someone who isn't asexual is not the best of ideas because they just don't get it. Like my friend is really understanding, but I just thinks she must find it really hard to comprehend the fact that some people really do not want sex at all. And I suppose she just inadvertently made me doubt myself.

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Rainbow~Sprinkles

I'm so glad that you posted this because I'm also in the same baot and really confused. I'm pretty sure I've never felt sexual attraction towards people, I mean I've had feelings for them, I like them, and think about being in a relationship with them but it never moved beyond that. I've never really wanted to have sex, I never thought about doing that in my teens, didn't imagine it as part of my relationships. Whereas the rest of my peers knew that its something they wanted. Not sure if this makes me asexual but I'm definitely questioning it as well.

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somethingrandom

I'm so glad that you posted this because I'm also in the same baot and really confused. I'm pretty sure I've never felt sexual attraction towards people, I mean I've had feelings for them, I like them, and think about being in a relationship with them but it never moved beyond that. I've never really wanted to have sex, I never thought about doing that in my teens, didn't imagine it as part of my relationships. Whereas the rest of my peers knew that its something they wanted. Not sure if this makes me asexual but I'm definitely questioning it as well.

It's nice when someone understands because they're going through the same thing :) I'm sure I'm asexual at the moment, if this changes when I meet someone and I turn out to be demi or whatever then that's great, but for now I am asexual and it feels good to just accept it. If you want to PM me then feel free because I know how confusing it is to be constantly questioning yourself.

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ill give you this:

sometimes, when i first got into asexuality, i doubted that EVERY SECOND.

i was sure for two seconds and then doubted again.

now i dont, im barely thinking about it unless a related topic comes around and even then im just remembering that i am ace, not doubting.

now i can know for sure i am ace, not broken neither a late bloomer, since EVERYTHING else goes like it should. puberty still happens, my voice changed, mood swings ETC...

i have no interest in any sexual thingies.

i thought i might ne "scared" too, but im not scared, i just dont want it.

i look at other things im scared of, comparing to things i just dont want.

im ace.

try that too maybe and good luck! ;)

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Basically I had a discussion with my friend yesterday about whether to tell my family I'm asexual and she's really understanding about asexuality and she was even the one who suggested I might be

I had something similar last night with my best friend. We'd had a talk about what had gone on at the weekend (to get a long story short I was trying a relationship but it felt wrong, I couldn't relax and kept cringing away from him...it just was not for me so we're gonna just be friends!!) and I was saying that I'd been on AVEN and things were starting to make sense, all those feelings since high school...it was all clicking into place.

And she said "is it about asexuality?" I was gob-smacked that she'd put two and two together nearly before I had. So we talked about it and I explained my feelings about sex (or lack of them!) and how I felt about what I wanted in a relationship, which was a lot different than what she wanted obviously. I was really worried she'd be all "well maybe he just wasn't the right one?" or "How will you know if you've never had sex?"

BUT!

She didn't. She was interested. She asked about it and came on the site and read through everything. She was amazed at how many folk there were and asked me questions, first asking if it was okay to talk about it (I think she was worried about upsetting me) but no, I was really happy and keen to talk about it with her as she is the only one off site and in my circle of friends and family who knows.

Basically you just gotta trust that those people who you love and care for as friends will know what to say and will read up on it if they don't understand, or else ask you about it :) But as for being asexual, it's up to you if that fits. As the others say, there may come a time and a person when you suddenly want to experiment, or there may not...either is perfectly fine! There are no exceptions and no one here is going to turn on you if you one day decide to have sex and you like it :( No one is going to throw you out and say you were just pretending. We're all here for you :)

:cake::cake::cake::cake::cake::cake:

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somethingrandom

Basically I had a discussion with my friend yesterday about whether to tell my family I'm asexual and she's really understanding about asexuality and she was even the one who suggested I might be

I had something similar last night with my best friend. We'd had a talk about what had gone on at the weekend (to get a long story short I was trying a relationship but it felt wrong, I couldn't relax and kept cringing away from him...it just was not for me so we're gonna just be friends!!) and I was saying that I'd been on AVEN and things were starting to make sense, all those feelings since high school...it was all clicking into place.

And she said "is it about asexuality?" I was gob-smacked that she'd put two and two together nearly before I had. So we talked about it and I explained my feelings about sex (or lack of them!) and how I felt about what I wanted in a relationship, which was a lot different than what she wanted obviously. I was really worried she'd be all "well maybe he just wasn't the right one?" or "How will you know if you've never had sex?"

BUT!

She didn't. She was interested. She asked about it and came on the site and read through everything. She was amazed at how many folk there were and asked me questions, first asking if it was okay to talk about it (I think she was worried about upsetting me) but no, I was really happy and keen to talk about it with her as she is the only one off site and in my circle of friends and family who knows.

Basically you just gotta trust that those people who you love and care for as friends will know what to say and will read up on it if they don't understand, or else ask you about it :) But as for being asexual, it's up to you if that fits. As the others say, there may come a time and a person when you suddenly want to experiment, or there may not...either is perfectly fine! There are no exceptions and no one here is going to turn on you if you one day decide to have sex and you like it :( No one is going to throw you out and say you were just pretending. We're all here for you :)

:cake::cake::cake::cake::cake::cake:

Aw thank you so much :) I know I'm asexual, but like you said if things change then I don't mind but at the moment it's pretty clear I'm not interested haha. It sounds like you had such a good response to telling your friend - I think I might just wait and see if a 'right time' comes up and I feel comfortable with mentioning it, though last night on First Dates there was an asexual guy and my sister watches that programme - I was kinda hoping if she watches it then I could sort of bring up the subject that way.

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Aw thank you so much :) I know I'm asexual, but like you said if things change then I don't mind but at the moment it's pretty clear I'm not interested haha. It sounds like you had such a good response to telling your friend - I think I might just wait and see if a 'right time' comes up and I feel comfortable with mentioning it, though last night on First Dates there was an asexual guy and my sister watches that programme - I was kinda hoping if she watches it then I could sort of bring up the subject that way.

I was thinking the same really to tell my mum...I mean she knows I've never had sex and I've told her I'm not that fussed and I said before if it happens it happens as I was, at the time, unaware of asexuality...I just knew I was interested and the idea made me go "NO!" but I didn't have a way to explain that so figured it'd happen one day. I also told her that, aside from wanting kids (which I still do!) that I wouldn't mind it I never had it. But she, in that way parents have, just smiled and said, "You'll know when the time is right." And we left it at that.

So...I'm not sure how to start the conversation with her about it. She doesn't yet know that after the weekend me and the young man decided just to be friends...I ain't told her that so I may couple that with coming out too. Not sure. Any advice on that would be great!! xD I don't think she'll be upset or anything, more just...confused? She's an older parent and although she isn't homophobic she's kindof "I don't care as long as I don't have to see it" and she'll change the channel if two guys are kissing or two girls etc so I dunno if that will affect it....

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