Demisexual's identify as...?

[Scarlet]

Hey! I recently came to the realization of my sexuality and I've noticed a lot of asexuals identify themselves as "Ace". I was curious as to if demisexuals have a different name they choose to identify with or maybe they choose to identify with this name as well? I've tried to look it up and can't seem to find any info on it!

Thank you for reading and/or replying to my question! :3

[Guest]

I think some people just say ''demi'' but only when they are speaking with someone who knows they are demisexual, so it's in context (because otherwise it could mean gender ie demigirl etc) .. I haven't heard to it referred to as any way other than that though.

[Barking Sands]

I've always used "Ace" as the umbrella term for the whole spectrum including asexual, demisexual, aromantic, agender, gray-asexual, and so on. If I wanted to specify demisexual, I would just use the term demisexual.

[Scarlet]

Barking has explained it in more detail for me in chat which has answered my question thank you~!

edit : "That's extremely problematic and should not be done. Ace is only short for asexual." Oh so I've been given false information then? guess it hasn't been answered >.<

[Star Bit]

Yah, some people use Demi, but that doesn't seperate Demisexual from Demiromantic, so saying it without context can be misinterpreted. And there's no short for sexual or romantic (well, maybe ro, but that'd sound odd) so there's no fixing that problem.

I've always used "Ace" as the umbrella term for the whole spectrum including asexual, demisexual, aromantic, agender, gray-asexual, and so on. If I wanted to specify demisexual, I would just use the term demisexual.

That's extremely problematic and should not be done. Ace is only short for asexual.

[Star Bit]

double

[Guest]

I think demis are aces, so they call themselves ace or demi. I tend to tell I'm ace here, because not many people aren't familiar with demisexuality. Most of people associate aces with aromantics or hetero/homo/biromantics here.

[Isskaa]

I identify as demisexual and that's the only term that completely fits me (besides "gray-a", but for me that's just an umbrella that covers everything between sexual and asexual and I don't use it). And I don't really use "demi", because I don't really like shortened versions.
I can't fully identify as asexual or "ace" or sexual and I find it extremely difficult if I have to choose "asexual" or "sexual" (in some surveys or questionnaires). If I have to, I choose the one that fits me the most at the current time, usually "asexual".

[cosmosredshift7]

I use demiace, to separate myself from demiromantic, demigirl, etc. And it's not problematic let people identify with whatever label they feel comfortable with you don't have to be the label police this isn't tumblr. Demi and gray-ace people are ASEXUAL UNTIL A CERTAIN POINT they aren't just ace 'temporarily'. They still identify as at least partially asexual.

[Star Bit]

I think demis are aces, so they call themselves ace or demi. I tend to tell I'm ace here, because not many people aren't familiar with demisexuality. Most of people associate aces with aromantics or hetero/homo/biromantics here.

They are not asexual and going around informing others of this causes harmful misinformation. Asexuals do not desire sex, Gray-As desire sex with a specific detail. Gray is a spectrum on its own and there's nothing wrong with being on it.

[Guest]

Yeah, I really don't see how saying you're ace if you're demi is even remotely accurate. It's like if I called myself ace because I'm not attracted to men. It just... doesn't make sense.

I was actually reading an "article" recently by a demisexual who said she was surprised that some people consider it on the asexual spectrum at all, because once the desire kicks in, there's no distinguishing a demi from a normie.

[Guest]

Barking has explained it in more detail for me in chat which has answered my question thank you~!

edit : "That's extremely problematic and should not be done. Ace is only short for asexual." Oh so I've been given false information then? guess it hasn't been answered >.<

Yea ace and demi are completely different. The only similarity a demisexual has with an asexual is that when they don't have that emotional bond with another person, the are seemingly asexual (they have no desire to have sex with other people etc) but it's really not that uncommon. An asexual still has no desire to have sex even when they have a deep emotional connection to someone (even someone they find very attractive or whatever... the desire to connect sexually just isn't there) .. ace is definitely not short for demisexual and never will be.

Again, when discussing it in context, I have heard people say demi instead of demisexual because it's shorter. The people need to know already though that you don't mean demiromantic or demigirl or whatever though as it could mean any of those things when taken out of context

[Hardly any]

I say ace when I'm talking to people who don't know what demi is. It's been so long I'm starting to wonder myself, and it's definitely not worth explaining.

Here I go by demi.

The problem I find is that when you're coming out, everyone outside the asexual community thinks you're full of snowflake bullsh*t if you try to explain demi to them. If you just want to say "this is why I'm not dating, please stop making fun of me or mentioning my 'dry spell' " ace is succinct and understandable.

[Star Bit]

*facepalm*

How many people are spreading bad misinformation? And to the allosexual majority no less; it's already common for them to have misconceptions, let alone misinformation confirmed by someone that's apart of the asexual community. It looks like the newbies are only doing it. Do we really need a pinned newbie-ed/what not to do thread?

For Demisexuals who use it out of simplicity with the public, there is nothing wrong with being on the Gray spectrum. [i suggest PanFicto's Demisexual explanation below, but you can also do this:] All you have to do is say that it's an umbrella term and you identify with it because you desire sex after a specific bond. If they want to know what it's an umbrella for, just say Gray-A is desiring sex after an unusual specific/"i desire sex, but __". If they say that's normal then ask if desiring sex after 6 months (or your actual estimated amount) is normal. People are already going to have questions if you say you're ace, so why not actually give them accurate info on you.

[Hardly any]

What's misinformation? They don't know what I am, and I'm functionally asexual. It would only be misinformation if I said "OH I'm asexual, I also feel attraction sometimes."

[Hardly any]

In which case, they'd go "What a goddam snowflake." and I would explain demi to them anyway.

[Star Bit]

What's misinformation? They don't know what I am, and I'm functionally asexual. It would only be misinformation if I said "OH I'm asexual, I also feel attraction sometimes."

If these people don't know the friends of the person you're dating, then yah, it wouldn't be misinformation, but if they do then yes; people talk about sex and if your partner does then they're going to find out you desire sex and then call BS special snowflake on you. The misinformation is that you're calling a potato an orange; they're factually two different things.

[Guest]

*facepalm*

How many people are spreading bad misinformation? And to the allosexual majority no less; it's already common for them to have misconceptions, let alone misinformation confirmed by someone that's apart of the asexual community. It looks like the newbies are only doing it. Do we really need a pinned newbie-ed/what not to do thread?

Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if people who have been here for ages are doing it too. I know there are lots of demisexual people who say it's "under the ace umbrella so a part of asexuality" .. I hear people say all the time "demisexual is part of the asexual spectrum where you are asexual until you form a close emotional bond and then you desire sex/feel sexual attraction" which does cause backlash in that to many sexual people hearing about it, that's a relatively "normal" experience .. There are a lot of people who aren't interested in sex unless they have an emotional bond with someone and even then it's often not so much the sex that's important but the emotional intimacy that the sex creates. Saying that experience is part of asexuality always makes people question whether asexuality is a snowflake label because honestly, demisexuality just isn't that uncommon.

However if you say demisexuality lies *between* asexuality and sexuality, then it doesn't sound so bad. A demisexual is not an asexual; A demisexual is a person who can only desire sex/feel sexual attraction once a deep emotional bond has formed with a person, and even if such bonds are few and far between, that's still not asexuality.

There are plenty of people identifying as asexual who say exactly the same thing though "I only desire sex with someone I am emotionally connected to and it's not the sex I want it's the emotional connection the sex creates" .. Again, that's not asexual, it's just a normal sexual experience. So anyway yeah, it's not just demisexuals saying they are ace that is confusing to the rest of the world.

[Guest]

What's misinformation? They don't know what I am, and I'm functionally asexual. It would only be misinformation if I said "OH I'm asexual, I also feel attraction sometimes."

You could just say "I'm demisexual" and explain that to them when they ask what it is?

[Hardly any]

I don't see why I would, when the result is disdain. Again, what misinformation am I spreading? They don't know what doesn't go on in my bedroom (well except they do, I just told them I'm asexual, which I am.)

Lol Starbit, "person I'm dating" that's rich.

I maintain that I'm asexual until I'm not, 100%,and it does no harm to anyone for me to say as much in casual conversation.

[Star Bit]

And then what? When you feel sexual attraction you're going to identify as demi/bisexual to the people you told you're asexual? You don't think they're going to say "see, ace just didn't find the right person" or "see, special snowflake." But fine, if you're properly informing them of what asexuality is then whatever, but the other person who said they did so was bunching a ton of other terms in with it, which most certainly will cause misinformation.

[Hardly any]

I'll explain demi to them if that ever happens.

[cosmosredshift7]

I don't see why I would, when the result is disdain. Again, what misinformation am I spreading? They don't know what doesn't go on in my bedroom (well except they do, I just told them I'm asexual, which I am.)

Lol Starbit, "person I'm dating" that's rich.

I maintain that I'm asexual until I'm not, 100%,and it does no harm to anyone for me to say as much in casual conversation.

Same here

[Guest]

I don't see why I would, when the result is disdain. Again, what misinformation am I spreading? They don't know what doesn't go on in my bedroom (well except they do, I just told them I'm asexual, which I am.)

Lol Starbit, "person I'm dating" that's rich.

I maintain that I'm asexual until I'm not, 100%,and it does no harm to anyone for me to say as much in casual conversation.

But if you're well aware you may desire sex in the future, then isn't claiming to be asexual harming the label because if you ever enter into a sexual relationship (which you are obviously aware may happen as you're identifying as demisexual) people will say "wait what? So now you do want sex? Oooh okay asexuality *is* just 'one of those speacial labels'" whereas if you had just said demisexual in the first place (as you are aware you are demisexual) then those people wouldn't now doubt the label asexual.

I'm not having a go at you personally, but I get all the time "you're not asexual, you just haven't met the right person" ..If we have people *knowing* they are demisexual and going around saying the are asexual, then all that is doing is confirming to people that no one is *actually* asexual, they just haven't met the right person yet.. does that make sense? An asexual can meet the "right person" and still won't want sex. That's asexuality. A demisexual *does* want sex, with the right person. There's a huge difference.

There is no such thing as an asexual demisexual. You're either asexual (no desire to connect sexually with anyone, even "the right person") or you're demisexual (doesn't desire partnered sex right now but can desire a partnered sexual connection with the right person)

[dissolved]

And then what? When you feel sexual attraction you're going to identify as demi/bisexual to the people you told you're asexual? You don't think they're going to say "see, ace just didn't find the right person" or "see, special snowflake." But fine, if you're properly informing them of what asexuality is then whatever, but the other person who said they did so was bunching a ton of other terms in with it, which most certainly will cause misinformation.

How about: asexual until proven otherwise?

Demisexuality is a concept that people rarely understand. I've tried to explain that and asexuality and all the other stuff this website has come up with, only to be met with weird looks every time. And besides, what's wrong with "meh, I'm not bothered about sex right now"? I've said that on plenty of occasions, rather than "well right now I identify as functionally asexual because I have literally zero interest in sex with anyone or anything, but because I might well meet someone that floats my boat again in the future, I'm actually demisexual, just for your information".

Why does anyone have to justify their choice of sexual identity at any point in their lives? I guarantee that the majority of teenagers on this planet go through some sort of sexuality questioning phase, let alone all the folks that come out later in life as something they've tried to avoid admitting to themselves.

[Hardly any]

I don't see how me going "I thought I was ace but I learned about this thing called demi" if, giant if there, you have no idea how big that if is, I'm ever compelled to be sexual again, will be a problem for the movement.

I'm basing my demisexuality diagnosis on having had past experience being sexual, not on "I want sex but only with the right person!" I am, right now, asexual.

This is the big problem with these labels. Their definitions are constantly debated until it doesn't matter what they mean.

[WoodwindWhistler]

Yah, some people use Demi, but that doesn't seperate Demisexual from Demiromantic, so saying it without context can be misinterpreted. And there's no short for sexual or romantic (well, maybe ro, but that'd sound odd) so there's no fixing that problem.

I've always used "Ace" as the umbrella term for the whole spectrum including asexual, demisexual, aromantic, agender, gray-asexual, and so on. If I wanted to specify demisexual, I would just use the term demisexual.

That's extremely problematic and should not be done. Ace is only short for asexual.

Language is whatever people use it for. I'm gray, I refer to myself as ace and I'm not going to stop just because you particularly are nitpicky about it. Everyone who knows I'm ace knows it means I'm on the ace spectrum and not "full" ace if that makes you feel better.

If you'd prefer people who get shouted down for using the word "demi" or "gray" just say low sex drive or whatever, I guess that's an acceptable compromise.

Having a *word* for not desiring sex until a bond is formed is a good thing, usually. It *should* mean that people who say "Well plenty of people feel that way" then pick up on the word and use it in general conversation since it's so common. For some reason, it sometimes doesn't work that way. I think we need to be brainstorming how to avoid THAT and examining and integrating allo's perspectives instead of policing each other.

Exact minute precision is not what's most important here. What's most important is people. If a hometown culture seems to be aggressive towards the idea of demi, their experiences mean something. Me, I've never had any serious problems with people doubting my identity, but I want to support those who do, and ultimately I think ace spec people have to just do what gets them through the day and sane.

Yeah, I really don't see how saying you're ace if you're demi is even remotely accurate. It's like if I called myself ace because I'm not attracted to men. It just... doesn't make sense.

I was actually reading an "article" recently by a demisexual who said she was surprised that some people consider it on the asexual spectrum at all, because once the desire kicks in, there's no distinguishing a demi from a normie.

Is that true for all demis though? Can someone not experience mild attraction (like a gray) but on a demi timescale? (I've had this, too, with some people.) I would say that demis could be considered *more* "ace" (if we're talking degrees) than more frequently mildly attracted grays seeing as they spend a greater proportion of their time as "ace." It all depends on how you look at it and what metrics you individually choose.

[Guest]

Having a *word* for not desiring sex until a bond is formed is a good thing, usually. It *should* mean that people who say "Well plenty of people feel that way" then pick up on the word and use it in general conversation since it's so common. For some reason, it sometimes doesn't work that way. I think we need to be brainstorming how to avoid THAT and examining and integrating allo's perspectives instead of policing each other.

I think the thing is, it's so common for sexual people they don't see the point in adopting a label for it. Why adopt a special label for ''I'm normal'' when you could just say ''I'm heterosexual'' or whatever. When you disclose your sexual orientation, it doesn't automatically mean something like ''I look at people of this gender and want to fuck them'' .. It means a massive range of things, including ''I only desire partnered sex with people of this gender once I have developed an emotional bond to them''.. That's a normal experience on the sexual spectrum, so sexual people do not see reason to come up with a special label for it. If a sexual person like this however wanted to adopt the label demisexual, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that most don't see the need to.

It's not policing each other, it's trying to clarify asexuality to the outside world so they can eventually begin to take it seriously, not see asexuality as some joke identify that just any person identifies with until further notice.

[Frigid Pink]

And then what? When you feel sexual attraction you're going to identify as demi/bisexual to the people you told you're asexual? You don't think they're going to say "see, ace just didn't find the right person" or "see, special snowflake." But fine, if you're properly informing them of what asexuality is then whatever, but the other person who said they did so was bunching a ton of other terms in with it, which most certainly will cause misinformation.

How about: asexual until proven otherwise?

Demisexuality is a concept that people rarely understand. I've tried to explain that and asexuality and all the other stuff this website has come up with, only to be met with weird looks every time. And besides, what's wrong with "meh, I'm not bothered about sex right now"? I've said that on plenty of occasions, rather than "well right now I identify as functionally asexual because I have literally zero interest in sex with anyone or anything, but because I might well meet someone that floats my boat again in the future, I'm actually demisexual, just for your information".

Why does anyone have to justify their choice of sexual identity at any point in their lives? I guarantee that the majority of teenagers on this planet go through some sort of sexuality questioning phase, let alone all the folks that come out later in life as something they've tried to avoid admitting to themselves.

Yeah, outside of AVEN, I don't use labels (unless it's with other people who already know about the "asexual" community). I make statements like "some people don't desire sex with others and that's actually a valid way to be" or something like it. Also, as far as "demisexuality" goes, I'd make statements about that, too, versus use the label. Basically, I think it's more important that people accept and tolerate sexuality differences (as long as it's "safe, sane, and consensual") versus understand what the labels mean. I've found that people tend to be more confused and overwhelmed with all the labels and AVEN jargon and, therefore, I think it's best to simplify things when trying to increase awareness and educate someone that's never heard of many (or all) of these labels before. With that said, I view sexuality as the spectrum (with hyposexuality and hypersexuality at the extremes) and "asexuality" and "demisexuality" are part of the sexuality spectrum (with "asexuality" as the extreme of hyposexuality).

[Star Bit]

Asexuality is not a spectrum, Gray-A is.

But i agree; you don't have to identify as demisexual to people, but simply say "i desire sex after a bond."