Sexual Fantasies?

[xanayo]

I've seen posts about this but I am still confused as all the inquiries don't really describe my situation.

First off, I don't fantasize when I masturbate, they don't go hand in hand for me.

When I do fantasize, I'd say 90% of the time it doesn't involve me and is about otp's or oc's. 9% I'd say I've fantasized about celebrities or famous people that I don't know, but I've come to a consensus that this doesn't invalidate asexuality. 1% of the time it's with someone I do know, however, and that's what I'm getting caught on.

I'm going to describe it so tmi maybe? Basically it usually involves me pleasing the person but usually not mutual or the other way around. When I think about it, I think it goes together with how I feel about sexuality irl; considering having it to please another person. It's more tied to my romantic attraction I think.

So in the irl world tho, like, same person I fantasize about, I'm actually not sexually attracted to them, I don't feel sexual attraction towards them, at most I feel romantic or a strong platonic attraction to them (bcs I'm a weirdo who has fantasized about their friend).

Sometimes even I think it's linked to wanting that person to gain affection for me and somehow, in the silly fantasy, they will grow romantic feelings for me. Oh my gosh, this is a trainwreck and I'm sorry.

Anways, does this invlidate my identity as being asexual? I don't experience sexual attraction, unless fantasizing counts as that?? Otherwise I've never experienced it and I don't, and like I said, I feel like in my fantasies like, it's linked to emotional connection/romantic attraction.

This has basically been what's kept me from identifying as asexual versus grey (I used to identify as grey-ace).

[xanayo]

I guess with some reflection I'll just define myself as grey asexual because it factors in possible sexual attraction when in fantasies, although I don't feel sexual attraction in real life.

If anyone wants to still comment tho, I appreciate it!

[AceofThrones]

hey, this is gonna sound kind of..TMI maybe?...but i have the same fantasies as you, haha. I also think there is a lot about friendship and platonic love that can be healthy and good ingredients in fantasies...and that's why they're called fantasy because that's the shelf we put them back on when we are...done. :-D

But fetishes, role play, kinks...these all factor in even if we don't think we have them...so, i would say, maybe you have a bit of a kink...but sounds like you're just as ace as ever...Though i do think it's possible, IMHO, to have a fluid sexuality...it explains a lot of things for me, and for others. Libido, you are the most confusing thing ever! lol

[Lost247365]

Sexual attractions/desire during dreams and fantasy are just that, dreams and fantasy.

So long as you don't experience those things in real life, you are still just as much an asexual today as you were before the dreams.

Personally, the entirety of my erotic feelings are devote to a single fantasy. Even then, that fantasy doesn't involve sex.

[xanayo]

hey, this is gonna sound kind of..TMI maybe?...but i have the same fantasies as you, haha. I also think there is a lot about friendship and platonic love that can be healthy and good ingredients in fantasies...and that's why they're called fantasy because that's the shelf we put them back on when we are...done. :-D

But fetishes, role play, kinks...these all factor in even if we don't think we have them...so, i would say, maybe you have a bit of a kink...but sounds like you're just as ace as ever...Though i do think it's possible, IMHO, to have a fluid sexuality...it explains a lot of things for me, and for others. Libido, you are the most confusing thing ever! lol

Thank you for replying! That's true, putting it back and it's not really explored until it's opened again. Like, it's like I only am into it when i'm "reading" it, rather than irl.

Sexual attractions/desire during dreams and fantasy are just that, dreams and fantasy.

So long as you don't experience those things in real life, you are still just as much an asexual today as you were before the dreams.

Personally, the entirety of my erotic feelings are devote to a single fantasy. Even then, that fantasy doesn't involve sex.

So even though I, in the fantasy, am being sexual towards the recipient (ew the wording here), since I do not have this attraction towards them when I see them/am actually with them/am usually thinking about them, it isn't sexual attraction?

(on a side note, I wouldn't say in the fantasy I feel attracted to them but rather it just involves sexual content I initiated)

[TruBluMOM]

The way I frame it.....the mind is the biggest sexual organ. While I think many asexuals think differently about sex, I think the primary difference is the way the thoughts translate to bodily urges, etc. For example, a sexual, may see a "hot guy" and think, "oh, gotta get me somma that", which then also translates into bodily sensations and/or urges, whereas I might see that same "hot guy", and be able to fully appreciate his aesthetics, or even imagine being with him romantically, but at the same time I'm thinking something more to the effect of "oh, too bad he seems so full of himself" or "oh, I wonder what kind of product he uses in his hair", and my body is focused on figuring out whether or not it would be rude for me to reach in front of him to take the last brownie. What I can imagine, is very different than what I can feel. I am attracted to the idea of romance, but I've never been in a romantic situation that didn't leave me like I was playing tea party with the person "gazing" into my eyes. ("whatever")

[Lost247365]

So even though I, in the fantasy, am being sexual towards the recipient (ew the wording here), since I do not have this attraction towards them when I see them/am actually with them/am usually thinking about them, it isn't sexual attraction?

(on a side note, I wouldn't say in the fantasy I feel attracted to them but rather it just involves sexual content I initiated)

In my opinion, no it doesn't count as sexual attraction/desire. I firmly believe it only counts in the real world. I think there is even a term for this. I think they call it Autochorissexuality/Anegosexuallity. Not 100% sure on the name of the term though.

Edit: added a link

Edited November 11, 2015 by Lost247365

[xanayo]

The way I frame it.....the mind is the biggest sexual organ. While I think many asexuals think differently about sex, I think the primary difference is the way the thoughts translate to bodily urges, etc. For example, a sexual, may see a "hot guy" and think, "oh, gotta get me somma that", which then also translates into bodily sensations and/or urges, whereas I might see that same "hot guy", and be able to fully appreciate his aesthetics, or even imagine being with him romantically, but at the same time I'm thinking something more to the effect of "oh, too bad he seems so full of himself" or "oh, I wonder what kind of product he uses in his hair", and my body is focused on figuring out whether or not it would be rude for me to reach in front of him to take the last brownie. What I can imagine, is very different than what I can feel. I am attracted to the idea of romance, but I've never been in a romantic situation that didn't leave me like I was playing tea party with the person "gazing" into my eyes. ("whatever")

No that's sort of how I view people too, only aesthetically. I don't view people in real time, right there, sexually at all. I have only ever have like, had some fantasies involving myself with other ppl, and that's only after I'm isolated, just me and my mind. And even then it's not like i'm even sexually attracted to them in my fantasy? I'm just aroused maybe, but I'm not like "hungry for their body" (werewolf flick coming in)

So even though I, in the fantasy, am being sexual towards the recipient (ew the wording here), since I do not have this attraction towards them when I see them/am actually with them/am usually thinking about them, it isn't sexual attraction?

(on a side note, I wouldn't say in the fantasy I feel attracted to them but rather it just involves sexual content I initiated)

In my opinion, no it doesn't count as sexual attraction/desire. I firmly believe it only counts in the real world. I think there is even a term for this. I think they call it Autochorissexuality/Anegosexuallity. Not 100% sure on the name of the term though.

Edit: added a link

Thank you for replying. This clears it up and I feel like I can be more comfortable identifying as ace. That term also makes more sense now because even if I do involve myself, it's 3rd person always! And also the last bullet point. Thank you so much for the link!!