I have no idea what up do.

[KiraAriaRyuu]

So, I am 20 and I just had my first kiss. I was never really interested and have refused being in relationships a lot. A good friend of mine asked me out. I said yes because he is a great guy and I guess I thought I was just scared. We kissed and just pecks were fine. We started making out and I didn't enjoy it at all. I feel sick and all around awful. I always thought I would kiss someone and realize I did want to be with them. Instead I am storing here in my room at midnight feeling disgusted and like I want to disappear. I never considered myself asexual because I never really knew what to consider myself. I am so confused. Am I asexual? Any advice?

Edited November 11, 2015 by SkyWorld
merged duplicates

[Mermaidy]

Interestingly I feel the same way about kissing and I kind of had the exact same experience - feeling disgusted and so on. even thinking about the times makes me feel so gross so I kind of like to pretend they didn't happen lmao. You've probably already decided but regarding this I hope you talk to your friend and let him know that you're uncomfortable, and don't continue to do it and make yourself miserable. For me I tried multiple times because I figured I was eventually *supposed* to like it (really stupid) so don't think in this same way that I did.

Im not sure if it has to do with asexuality for me or for you, but if I were you I'd look at how I feel about other things like sex, sexual acts & attraction and all that to get a better idea. Your kissing thing might be an indication of your feelings for sex (and as a result asexuality) but you need to look at more of your thoughts if that makes sense, in that some asexuals like kissing (making out I'm sure) and some don't.

[Twigwilter]

It's hard for someone who doesn't know you to say what your orientation is; I think that's unfortunately something you'll have to figure out for yourself. However, as you you are twenty and, to use your own words, have "never really been interested", I'd say it's possible that you're somewhere on the ace spectrum. My only advice would be to read lots of posts on here and find people who can relate to your experiences (that shouldn't take long, as you sound like so many people on here :) ). Good luck, and I hope things don't get too awkward with your friend!

[Frigid Pink]

I define "asexuality" as "no desire for partnered sex." Other possible definitions are "an enduring lack of sexual desire for others" as well as "an enduring lack of sexual inclinations/feelings towards others." "Asexuality is lacking the potential to desire sex with others for its own sake" is another way I've seen someone describe it. Basically, an "asexual" person isn't drawn towards sexual interaction with others. Beyond that, it varies from person to person, regardless of sexual orientation. Many people seem to equate "asexuality" with things that have more to do with personality traits (such as introversion) or general interests and preferences (such as aversion to touch or dislike of kisses), which even "sexual" people can have and share (some "sexual" people don't like to hold hands or don't have "sex dreams" and so on), and which have nothing to do with whether or not someone is an "asexual" or "sexual" person.

[somethingrandom]

I'm nearly 20 and I've never kissed anyone - I've always thought I would have first kiss but recently I've realised that the whole thought of it kind of disgusts me. Like why would you want to share someone's saliva like that? You may be asexual - it's the lack of sexual attraction. I personally have never felt it, and the thought of kissing or having sex just doesn't seem very enjoyable to me. I suggest having a look round AVEN, make some threads with your questions, PM people that offer (my PM is always open) and watch some videos explaining what asexuality is and see if if fits you. Everyone's so nice on here, and if you're asexual, either way it doesn't matter because you are you and you don't need explaining. Some people just find that the 'label' asexuality helps them to respect themself and accept themself more.

Hope this helps :)

[Asvel]

Assuming there isn't an underlying cause - for example, trauma - then I'd take a good long look at being aromantic. Not necessarily asexual, though you may be that too.

[Frigid Pink]

I'm nearly 20 and I've never kissed anyone - I've always thought I would have first kiss but recently I've realised that the whole thought of it kind of disgusts me. Like why would you want to share someone's saliva like that?

... because everyone is different and has different likes, dislikes, and preferences, even if you (or anyone else) don't understand them or can't relate to them. Differences don't mean that any particular group of people who differ from one another, such as those who like to kiss and those who don't (and so on), isn't okay.

[Colorado Ace Space]

I've had the same experience many, many years ago. Everyone I knew loved kissing, said it felt amazing and if they didn't have to sleep they would kiss all night. So, I decided to kiss a guy after a date. He was very good looking (actual male model) and very nice, but I got one second into it, pulled back, said goodnight, jumped out of the car and never saw him again (my choice). I felt...not "disgusted" per se, but very weird and uncomforable about it. I think a major part of it was that I really didn't have a connection with the guy. Also, he was very nice so I felt like I was "lying" to him and myself by not enjoying the kiss. I had the same strange gritty sensation you get when you lie to someone and it ends up harming them in some way. For example, a classmate once asked me what "ouragan" in french meant and I didn't know and was concentrating on something else so I said "monkey." The entire class (minus myself) ended up laughing at him when the teacher asked him to translate the sentence.....I felt like I wanted to vanish into the wind. I got that same feeling late when I kissed the guy. It felt like I was lying and it was going to hurt them in some way. However, today, I identify as gray-romantic, gray-sexual because I can imagine a senario where it wouldn't feel like a lie. I haven't been in a situation like that, yet, but I can imagine it. Listen to yourself and your feelings and you will figure out whether you're ace or not....it does sound like a strong possibility though. Good luck!