Any tips for someone who WANTS to BECOME asexual?

[012]

But you can't fluctuate by choice.

Yeah I'll second that. I have a slight little bit of fluctuation (not a lot) but it's not by choice. I wish I could just turn it off actually, I'm jealous of people who are 100% Ace all the time.

[cupid69]

Dear apostle, I'd love to learn how easy it is to become asexual by association! Perhaps I'll get there before I die!

I think him saying asexual by association is his way of saying celibate.

Dear apostle, I'd love to learn how easy it is to become asexual by association! Perhaps I'll get there before I die!

Yah, again, you can't be asexual by association.

If anything they're Gray-sexual if they can just go "my partner doesn't want it so i don't want it." Sex indifference while desiring sex is a type of Gray-sexual.

You can't just turn Gray-A; it's already there or it's not.

@Mercurial

Yes, having a strong platonic relationship is perfectly possible, but the OP would have to be ok with that; with a non-sexual non-romantic relationship, and judging by his replies he isn't ok with either.

@apostle

You can't be "asexual by association." Asexuals do not desire sex, sexual people desire sex, and not acting on that desire is called celibacy.

There is a sort of truth to all the comments to my post. However, I have not given all my details of my relationship to you so my comment about being asexual by association was perhaps flippant but ironic at the same time. I've personally suffered mentally more than anything as my wife refused to talk about the subsequent issues involved. Also, because of various problems associated with her being unable to conceive naturally and me believing that when eventually after 5 years the children did come along after intensive IVF treatment with one child being born severely mentally handicapped, I thought that she was totally put off by what a sexual act could produce. Before the child rearing issues came about, yes, I did think that her libido was not as per all the other women I had previously dated but I was looking for other things in my partner, like a loving and caring nature.

I'm sure she is just as frustrated with me as I think she now thinks I now appear to be cold towards her. But what can I do? If I start to touch and cuddle her is she going to think that this may lead to sex? It's such a delicate balance that we now live our lives side by side without either of us achieving an end result. You see, I think that neither of us wants to upset the other for fear of what may happen. Our children still live at home and we both love them so to get a divorce is really not on the cards, for me at any rate. Besides, apart from the sex, everything else just works as I love her.

To get back to the issue of asexuality by association though. Many emotions have passed through my mind...........anger, disappointment, regret, fear, disgust etc but now the thought of having sex with a woman is no longer anything I wish to happen or desire. Is that what asexuals feel? If they do, then I have become one too, haven't I? After all, if an asexual does not desire sex, are they too not celibate?

[Star Bit]

Celibacy means someone is abstaining from what they desire. So no, an asexual is not celibate. Some even sexually compromise.

Given that you said you avoid contact with her so she doesn't feel sexual expectation, i wouldn't exactly say you don't desire sex, just that you've both received emotional damage and haven't received anything to physically stimulate such desires for so long that you ended up not desiring it. I.e. if you did do sensual things with her would you then desire sex again? Secondly, you should really have a talk with her about the (non-sexual) sensual things / that they won't lead to sex and ask which ones she is and isn't comfortable with doing (whether it's out of personal preference or she feels it would lead to unwanted sex or sexual expectations).

[Nidwin]

@Apostle

"Is that what asexuals feel?"

We actually don't feel anything at all, except 3 days of pain (mainly hips) after having to PIV labour for more than 25mins to please thar lady the very last time, before we broke up.

From my understanding about everything I've read on the forums.

Sexuals create some kind of very deep emotional thoughts and feelings (bond/link) about their partner through the sexual act. That's something we, aces, are completely oblivious to, as we don't create anything, at least not positively, in our minds.

Folks want to feel sexually desired is something that comes often up, something that we are again oblivious to as we don't give a damn if we're sexually desired or not.

Interesting, but scary too as you folks aren't only suffering from a physical aspect but also have a huge emotional distress ongoing. Good luck and cake to all of you.

We also have issues with that stupid libido, no worries, and it would be nice if they could find the switch up there (brain) to turn that shitt off.

[Frigid Pink]

@Apostle

"Is that what asexuals feel?"

We actually don't feel anything at all, except 3 days of pain (mainly hips) after having to PIV labour for more than 25mins to please thar lady the very last time, before we broke up.

From my understanding about everything I've read on the forums.

Sexuals create some kind of very deep emotional thoughts and feelings (bond/link) about their partner through the sexual act. That's something we, aces, are completely oblivious to, as we don't create anything, at least not positively, in our minds.

Folks want to feel sexually desired is something that comes often up, something that we are again oblivious to as we don't give a damn if we're sexually desired or not.

Interesting, but scary too as you folks aren't only suffering from a physical aspect but also have a huge emotional distress ongoing. Good luck and cake to all of you.

We also have issues with that stupid libido, no worries, and it would be nice if they could find the switch up there (brain) to turn that shitt off.

Maybe most "sexual" people feel and experience things that way and maybe most "asexual" people feel and experience things that way, however, I think it's best not to speak in generalizations as everyone doesn't feel or experience things the same. Overall, it really only matters how the individuals in any given relationship feel and experience things, regardless of sexual orientation or the labels they choose to identify with or use.