RubyRed Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 So I've always been very open about being AroAce to my friends and people I'm close to, but I don't talk about it at school or work. Today at work, one of my coworkers was being a lot friendlier than usual, and from previous behavior, I think he might be interested in me. I really like him platonically, but I don't want to wreck a friendship and good work relationship because I'm ace and he's not. I go to school at BYU, which is VERY focused on getting people married and having kids quickly, that's the culture around here, and it's really discouraging for someone who doesn't want to be a wife or a mother, which is what my worth is based on to a lot of people here. I've tried bringing it up once or twice on campus, and people's reactions have been mostly 'you're going against God's will' and 'there's something wrong with you'. I'm happy with the way I am, but it still hurts to keep hearing that. I guess I'm just really discouraged, and I could use some advice on how to get through all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
chromanebula Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 As Lady Gaga always said, God makes no mistakes. Aro ace is not a sin. Being married and a parent isn't for everyone. The one thing that is always God's will is to love one another in the sense of charity and kindness--not necessarily romance. You don't have to be bound to a husband/children to have value. You are worth it regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Asvel Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 He's a coworker. That automatically, to me at least, makes it off limits. No exceptions. That's a super easy to understand boundary and logical too, while sidestepping any direct rejection. If you phrase it that way, he'll either understand or he's not worth even being friends with. That's how I'd handle it, anyway. Sorry, it's not you, you're nice enough, I just don't think it's a good idea to do an LDR/get involved with a coworker/etc. Link to post Share on other sites
RubyRed Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Thanks, you guys! Link to post Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 1 Corinthians 7:8-9: But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. When you stay single you can concentrate even more on God so let people know that if they try to use that excuse. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Zash Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Matthew 19:12 as well: "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb, there are eunuchs who were made by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way because of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can." If they pester you about it, they are literally going against the word of the Bible. The Bible literally tells people to leave asexuals alone. Link to post Share on other sites
marauders Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 He's a coworker. That automatically, to me at least, makes it off limits. No exceptions. That's a super easy to understand boundary and logical too, while sidestepping any direct rejection. If you phrase it that way, he'll either understand or he's not worth even being friends with. That's how I'd handle it, anyway. Sorry, it's not you, you're nice enough, I just don't think it's a good idea to do an LDR/get involved with a coworker/etc. I agree with this! I would never, ever date a coworker; or, at least in my case, I would not date someone who worked in the same school as me. School district, perhaps. Same school, definitely not. I feel like dating coworkers is just too messy and stressful. I also feel like it is a legitimate reason, much as Asvel already stated; especially if you do not want to go the route of directly rejecting them, which, as you said in your original post, might result in a whole new set of problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 There's nothing wrong with you, and I'm sorry to hear that others' reactions have been bad. :( I understand because of the social environment at your university, it can be incredibly daunting to be open about your orientation there. You don't have to be open about it, especially if you think it'd be unsafe to, but you could mention not wanting to date classmates. It's like dating a coworker; relationship drama could easily get carried over into class or the workplace. There's also the issue of if a break-up happens with a classmate or coworker, but being stuck seeing them. Link to post Share on other sites
*Neko Tosiba* Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 So I've always been very open about being AroAce to my friends and people I'm close to, but I don't talk about it at school or work. Today at work, one of my coworkers was being a lot friendlier than usual, and from previous behavior, I think he might be interested in me. I really like him platonically, but I don't want to wreck a friendship and good work relationship because I'm ace and he's not. I go to school at BYU, which is VERY focused on getting people married and having kids quickly, that's the culture around here, and it's really discouraging for someone who doesn't want to be a wife or a mother, which is what my worth is based on to a lot of people here. I've tried bringing it up once or twice on campus, and people's reactions have been mostly 'you're going against God's will' and 'there's something wrong with you'. I'm happy with the way I am, but it still hurts to keep hearing that. I guess I'm just really discouraged, and I could use some advice on how to get through all of this. BYU is a Mormon College and I'm a AroAce Mormon so I totally get it. I havent come out to my parents yet cuz I'm afriad that is exactly how they will react. And Like you said Getting married is really important to mormons... I'm about to be 20 and my parents are trying to figure out why im not dating to look for a husband yet.... I wouldnt mind kids, but i'm sex repulsed and as a mormon to have kids you need to be married and to get kids you need to you know have sex... It is an issue. As Lady Gaga always said, God makes no mistakes. Aro ace is not a sin. Being married and a parent isn't for everyone. The one thing that is always God's will is to love one another in the sense of charity and kindness--not necessarily romance. You don't have to be bound to a husband/children to have value. You are worth it regardless. I agree more along these lines. Though I like to think that we could be parents for all the kids who don't have any. again, mormons dont exactly approve of a Single Woman adpoting kids... but you know. what. I do what i want. I will tell my parents at some point that i will not be getting married.... it just might take alot of feeling out what they think of AroAces first... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Hi Guys! I'm going to go ahead and lock this topic due to necromancy, you are more then welcome to start a new topic if you want to discuss this subject again Jayce, Asexual Relationships moderator. Link to post Share on other sites
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