wintersong Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Hi there, Rather new to this, but here goes nothing. So, I've recently developed my first severe squish (I think?) on a girl at my college and I am unsure if she has any feelings for me. We are in an athletic club together and see each other pretty frequently and she's always very witty/full of banter. (I have only barely known her for two months.) Problem is, I couldn't tell if she was flirting with me if my life depended on it. For example, I'm a writer and before she knew me all that well she asked me if I wrote errotica. She also tends to stare at my eyes longer than normal and she jokes with me a lot when we talk. The other night we went out dancing together for fun and she slept on my shoulder the entire bus ride home. I don't want to kiss her, nor do I have any sexual feelings towards her. I might be okay with holding her hand. Really, I just think she's an awesome person. I'm afraid because if she does have feelings for me then I'll have to tell her that I essentially just want to be platonic. I'd also be sad if she didn't have feelings for me because I think she's so great. It's a joke around here how not-gay I am, and I have no idea if she is. Furthermore, she is graduating in December, so soon I'll never see her again. What do I do? Just keep cool or say something? What do y'all make of this? These feels are just so strange for me. Any help would be highly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 If I understand squishes correctly you basically want to be best friends with another woman who may or may not be attracted to you sexually, is that correct? Since she is leaving so soon I think you should continue at the current friendship level and take no other steps unless she makes a move. If she wants to kiss you or something you will have to turn her down which will be sad and awkward for both of you, but there's a good chance it will never come to that, so why borrow trouble? Once she moves away, you can maintain contact with little risk that she will want to start a long distance relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Davehat Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 I'd stay cool. I mean you're enjoying the general affection right and at the most it'll only last till December max so why not take it while it's going? It does seem like she might be into you but knowing for sure that she does will achieve absolutely nothing IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 You could always say something, like, "I really enjoy this friendly connection that we have" and maybe add "and I always have so much fun whenever we hang out" or something similar. I generally like to be clear about my intentions, usually upfront if possible, and definitely speak up to clarify if I sense someone misunderstands me. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 she asked me if I wrote errotica. She also tends to stare at my eyes longer than normal and she jokes with me a lot when we talk. The other night we went out dancing together for fun and she slept on my shoulder the entire bus ride home. She's not flirting. She's hurling herself at you. Don't be surprised if the night before she leaves (or the last time you're seeing her) she makes a proper move. It's going to spare both your blushes if you say something to her first. It'll be awkward and she'll be disappointed, but she likes you, so she'll be cool with it, I'm sure, especially if you frame it that you've figured out she might be developing feelings for you and you don't want her to get hurt, so you're levelling with her. You can be clear without being tactless. I say this as a sexual who missed this kind of stuff repeatedly in his youth. Unlike you, I'm now kicking myself about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 she asked me if I wrote errotica. She also tends to stare at my eyes longer than normal and she jokes with me a lot when we talk. The other night we went out dancing together for fun and she slept on my shoulder the entire bus ride home. She's not flirting. She's hurling herself at you. LOL that's what I thought too. That girl's gonna try to kiss you soon. Have you talked about asexuality? If you haven't, now's the time to drop that bomb... bring up past relationships or find some other way to be like "no matter how much I like someone, sleeping on my shoulder is about as far as I will ever take it". (but not in those words because that's lame.) Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Okay, yeah. Coming out to her will give her the same information without having to discuss her feelings for you. That way you're not rejecting her directly. I think that's a less awkward version of the Talk. Link to post Share on other sites
wintersong Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 Update: so, I told her that I liked her and she's entirely cool with me not liking kissing or sexual activities. I know I've only got two weeks left, but holding her hand makes me feel weak at the knees. It's all good for now. :) Link to post Share on other sites
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