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Doctors and Asexuality


Emily_On_Earth

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Emily_On_Earth

What are your experiences with doctors? Now I know there's really no reason to tell a doctor about your sexuality, but I run the student association of a women's health organization, so I go to the organizations clinic and am very comfortable with the women there. because of all the pain I experience when attempting "invasive" masturbation, i went to the gynecologist there to see if something was wrong.

Now, nothing was wrong, my pain tolerance just sucks, which i could have told them that. But i admitted to her that I would have preferred something be wrong so I could have a physical excuse with a guy instead of, I just don't WANT to, ever.

This was followed by the whole, "you just have to find the right person, who will be patient. Then you'll want to." Now, it doesn't sting too much because we're friends and I know they mean well. But I'm just a little upset that at such a progressive organization, this is what they have to say.

I'm thinking of saying something if it comes up a third time.

What kind of responses have you guys gotten?

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I know there's really no reason to tell a doctor about your sexuality

What do you mean by this? Of course there are reasons to tell a healthcare provider about one's sexual history as there are sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and so on.

As far as my experiences go, that's a pretty general question. As far as my responses go, if you mean responses to my (a)sexuality, then I haven't really told any healthcare provider about my (a)sexuality, only whether or not I was sexually active.

As far as pain with vaginal penetration goes, I recommend that you look up vaginismus and see if that applies to you.

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Emily_On_Earth

Well yea, but I mean beyond sexual history there's no reason to give them your orientation I mean.

The first time I saw them last year, they said there was maybe a touch of vaginitis, but barely. This time this doctor didn't see anything physically wrong. A doctor at the Cleveland clinic, best in the world, gave the most interesting solution, and that was to prescribe me numbing cream, the kind they use for inserting catheters. I have not tried it yet.

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The first time I saw them last year, they said there was maybe a touch of vaginitis, but barely. This time this doctor didn't see anything physically wrong. A doctor at the Cleveland clinic, best in the world, gave the most interesting solution, and that was to prescribe me numbing cream, the kind they use for inserting catheters. I have not tried it yet.

Consider "vaginismus" or don't. It's still my recommendation to look it up and see if it applies to you.

I had a doctor smirk at me in the ER once and not believe I wasn't having sex, likely due to the fact that I'm married. I'd told him there was zero chance I was pregnant and he sort of pressured me several times as if he was trying to get me to admit that I actually was having sex after all. It was extremely uncomfortable and kind of mortifying for me. He ran a pregnancy test on me when they did the rest of my bloodwork and acted almost surprised that it was negative. I think I was 28 at the time... why would a person my age, in a committed relationship, say I wasn't having sex if I was? It's not like I was 13, trying to hide it from my parents.

It's called CYA ("cover your ass"). Unfortunately, people do lie, and a healthcare provider that's responsible for what happens to you under their care is going to make sure you're not pregnant in a more objective (vs. subjective) way with a documented test. For example, I recieved a series of vaccinations that were contraindicated in pregnancy and, even though I knew I wasn't pregnant and told my physician I wasn't pregnant, if I wanted the vaccines, then I had to let them test my urine to objectively verify that I wasn't pregnant. It was their policy and I was okay with it because I know I'm a liability for them because, if I was pregnant and I received that vaccine, and there was a negative outcome with my health or the health of my developing baby, then guess who's career is on the line and who may be up for a malpactrice suit? So, if the choice is CYA at a patient's disapproval or take them at their word and risk my medical license, then I'd go with CYA (and that's what most people do). As far as the smirk goes, well, that's a separate issue (and I don't agree with that behavior).

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Oh yeah, I definitely understand the idea of covering your ass. That's why I'm not fussed when I get asked if there's a chance I'm pregnant prior to having an x-ray, for example. The reason the doctor did the pregnancy test in my bloodwork that time wasn't about ensuring my safety for a procedure, however... I was in the ER for eating disorder-related issues and they were checking things like my electrolyte levels and my heart, and because I have lots of gastrointestinal problems and was experiencing nausea and pain (both symptoms of pregnancy, obviously), he threw an hCG test in there as well. Which I've had happen many times, and I understand why that's reasonable -- I'm a female-bodied person over the age of puberty. And I never kick up a fuss, I get it. It was his attitude, though... almost like he was trying to coax something out of me that I was lying about, and when he started asking more questions about my sex life and made me feel like I was weird for not having sex.

But yes, I understand covering your ass for sure. He was just... annoying.

Yeah, that attitude is unacceptable. Unfortunately, "asexuality" isn't that well known or accepted in the medical community. I hope that changes soon!

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I was once asked by a doctor, during an extended period of no sexual activity, if I was satisfied with my sex life... and I said "Yeah!" lol

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When my doctor asked me about my sexual activity I answered with something like "Never, I've had no desire" and she was like "ok" and that was the extent of the conversation. I'm not sure if my last doctor believed me, but I know my new one does. Finding the right doctor for you is soooooo important.

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I've had one that tried to "fix" me and go down the hormone route, but all others have been absolutely fine.

Therapists, however, are an entirely different kettle of fish.

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