becoming asexual after ~ten years of being allosexual?

[je suis farouche]

Hi! I've tried looking for information on anyone who has had an experience similar to mine and I've been pretty unsuccessful, so I was hoping someone here would be able to share. (Please note that the following story mentions some possibly TMI mentions of sex and masturbation! sorry!)

I'm twenty-six and until last year I loved sex. I had an extremely high libido and I have had many sexual partners throughout the years. I had identified as bisexual since even before puberty. I do have major depressive disorder and severe depressive episodes would have an effect on my libido, but they only lowered it and when the depressive episode would let up, my libido would come back. Last year, I experienced a pretty severe depressive episode that lasted several months. I assumed that my lack of sexual interest was related to that. However, when the episode let up, my libido didn't come back. I tried to masturbate and even have sex; unable to achieve orgasm in the former, and the latter was an utter disaster that left me miserable and alienated. I hated the entire experience and it made me feel violated and confused.

It's been over a year since I stopped feeling sexual attraction or arousal. From week to week and month to month I experience varying amounts of sex revulsion (some weeks I'm more indifferent, some I'm totally nauseated by the thought). The very few discussions about this topic I have been able to find focused heavily on trauma or medication; neither of these is a factor for me.

If anyone has any experience to share on this topic, I would really welcome it! Thank you so much!

(mods, please let me know if there is a more appropriate forum on which to post this query!)

[Member54880]

Welcome! I have seen a few members here report that they used to be allosexual, but became asexual over time. I don't remember any specific details, but at least one described it as a gradual loss of sexual attraction (which could happen due to their orientation being fluid and shifting to asexual) and at least one described it as a sudden loss of sexual attraction that never came back.

[Star Bit]

Yes, some peoples orientations can change, but not that quickly from S to A. I hate to worry you, but both your sudden drop in desire for sex and inability to reach orgasm from masturbation and sex lights up red flags for a possibly life threatening tumor that's preventing it. I would recommend going to both a gynecologist and brain doctor. The tumor may not even be in either of those but along the way to the two. If they find nothing then your orientation did just naturally change.

[Guest]

Did you go on medication by any chance during that severe bout of depression last year?

[Telecaster68]

Well he's said it's not a factor, so maybe not. But if he means he's not on them any more, it could be a factor as the libido depressing side effects don't necessarily finish when you stop taking them. The change can sometimes be longer lasting, or even permanent, apparently.

[Guest]

Well he's said it's not a factor, so maybe not. But if he means he's not on them any more, it could be a factor as the libido depressing side effects don't necessarily finish when you stop taking them. The change can sometimes be longer lasting, or even permanent, apparently.

Yeah I wasn't sure if the OP just meant ''they aren't a factor now but I did take them during my episode'' because you're right, many antidepressants can cause severe sexual side-effects, and it's been proven that sometimes those side effects can remain long after you have finished the medication, even permanently (due to chemicals in the drugs permanently changing the way your brain functions, I think that's what I read)

I also read that severe depression can cause total loss of libido/inability to orgasm etc, and if the depression lasts long enough this can trigger a kind of anxiety response (like, worry that it won't work) that causes the issues to continue once the depression has abated. This could be something the OP is experiencing?

Also some people can just naturally lose their libido due to malnutrition, hormone imbalances, all kinds of factors.. I believe depression can contribute to many of these? (ie not eating properly, drinking a lot during depression, experiencing high amounts of stress etc) .. If a hormone imbalance occurred as a result of the depression, that could also be something that may explain what the OP is experiencing.

[Star Bit]

Depression can be a symptom of other illnesses.

[SkyWorld]

Hello. If you're really concerned about the health issues that you may have, it is strongly advised that you would see a professional doctor to give you the proper help that you need. Unfortunately AVEN isn't qualified to diagnose or offer medical advice. I wish you all the best and that things would get better for you.

[NorCalGal]

I can identify with you entirely. As a younger woman, I was very sexual. I never enjoyed penetration, but I was very sexually active, gaining something from it. Later on in life, from 30 forward, I began to come out more as a bisexual. I haven't ever had sex with a woman but I know I'm bisexual. Still, I was married 17 years, and then 10 years with a partner. I never really liked penetration since around 30 yrs old. I enjoy every single thing BUT that. I like having a partner, love, etc. I identified with men more than women until the past 10 years. I have a real tug of war within my self as to what to do, because finding a partner who doesn't enjoy sex is hard. I joined the group hoping to find answers. I'm embaressed by how I am. I'm scared something is wrong. But, physically, I'm ok. Emotionally...I've been hurt badly by someone I loved deeply twice, actually, and both - I was not sexually attracted to. Anyhow, I do identify with your post. I was very much an extroverted sexual being until my 30s.