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Sorry guys, I'm sure you get this a lot, but I'm kinda freaking out right now. I think that I'm asexual/heteroromantic, and have just been reading about all this stuff for like an hour now. There's just one thing that's screwing me over, I have a pretty heavy fetish that I masturbate to quite a bit and all the stuff online says that asexuals don't normally imagine things while masturbating, but at the same time none of this involves sex; it's just relatively light BDSM stuff. Like, when I watch related porn I get turned OFF when it gets to sex. I really can't imagine having anything with other people sexually, but am still somewhat aroused by it. But I'd never want to have sex, just an intimate thing (like the stereotypical after-sex stuff).

Seriously, help. I'm really confused about myself right now. Thanks in advance.

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booksaremysexlife

Some aces masturbate. Sexual attraction doesn't mean libidos.

Do you mean intimate things like kissing, cuddling, hugging, etc.? This is called sensual attraction.

I hope that helps you! And welcome to AVEN! :)

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I define "asexuality" as "no desire for partnered sex." Other possible definitions are "an enduring lack of sexual desire for others" as well as "an enduring lack of sexual inclinations/feelings towards others." Basically, an "asexual" person isn't drawn towards sexual interaction with others. Beyond that, it varies from person to person, regardless of sexual orientation.

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Dunno where you're hearing asexuals don't normally imagine things while masturbating. Yes, it's a thing among asexuals, but it's not a must have. That completely differs by person. Asexuality strictly applies to not desiring partnered sex.

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Morning Glory

As it says on the front page of this very site: "An asexual person is a person who does not experience sexual attraction."

On top of that, many people say that it's fine to use the term if it feels right to you. If you feel comfortable identify as an asexual then no one has the right to tell you otherwise. It's also not a black and white thing (aside from the flag and such); there are many variants of asexualities.

Try not to worry about this too much. I know it's easier said then done. I have fantasies (and will sometimes masturbate as well), but I don't desire sex. It has made it difficult for me to view myself as an ace to be honest; but seeing myself as an ace makes sense to me and it feels right. So I've declared myself as asexual.

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Hi! I'm in almost exactly the same boat as you. (Finally, someone like me!) Asexuals can have fetishes. We can masturbate and have fantasies and yep even enjoy porn. Some aces don't really masturbate at all, some like porn, some even think about other people (bizarre to me!). It varies by person. There's also this thing called aegosexual or autochorissexual, which might be interesting to you? It is a disconnect between a sexual fantasy and oneself, which some aces identify with, enough to give it a name. For instance, enjoying the idea of sex, or a fantasy, but not wanting to actually act on it or be personally involved in it. Kind of like voyeurism, but I don't think I'd want to even watch in real life either. Writing about it is enough for me! :)

I have a pretty heavy fetish myself.... Other stuff is good too, but when my kink comes up even in a non-sexual setting, nothing gets my attention more. I was worried for a long time, even freaked out, that I didn't count as ace because of my 'interests' but it's not true at all. Still counts!

There's a Kink & BDSM thread that might interest you. If you want to talk or ask questions, you can message me also!

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Be honest, I don't understand the concept of "not desiring for partnered sex".

There are people that prefer masturbation over partnered sex for some reasons, like safety, no need to interact with other people and seek for a proper parther, no need to satisfy partner's desires, it's easy available, etc. They have logical reasons to refuse partnered sex, so it's their choice not to have it. At the same time, there might be people that really like masturbation more than sex, not because of logical reasons, but because of their subconscience preference.

In my opinion, the only thing that matters is are you in the first or second category. The rest is a question of labelling and it doesn't really matter.

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The people who decide to not have sex for safety reasons still mentally desire partnered sex. There are two things; attraction (mental) and desire (act IRL), one can have sexual attraction (the impulse to do sexual things to someone) and not desire sex IRL, as well as desire sex while not having sexual attraction, but either way they still desire sex.

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