Questioning my sexuality- asexual or not?

[RowanM]

Hi, I'm Rowan. I was born as a girl. I'm originally from China but currently living in the UK. I've been questioning my sexuality since I was 12 and now I'm 17 but still not sure about it. So far I consider myself as a panromantic asexual but can also be demisexual lesbian. I'm really confused.

Generally I don't like the idea of having sex. I definitely don't want to have sex with a guy. I wouldn't mind having sex with a girl but not really into it neither. I definitely prefer cake over sex.

I hate penis and don't like vagina neither. I kind of like boobs but not obsessed with them.

Romantically I feel like I'm more into men but I also like girls. I do have most of my crushes on men. I'm seeking for a non-sexual romantic relationship with any gender including non-binary.

I like the physical appearance of girls and their body except vagina. I think girls are hot and sexy. I want to make out with them but don't necessarily have sex with them.

Normally I dress in a androgynous manner. I do have long hair but I never wear them down. I usually have ponytail. I like braids.

I never wear dresses or heels in casual life but wouldn't mind wearing them for special occasion. Same for make up. I like wearing black or other dark colours. I like sneakers.

I don't wear sexy clothes as they make me feel uncomfortable. I like top with long sleeves and long trousers. I do wear shorts but the shortest is to my knee.

I'm glad that I don't have penis but not so pleasant having a vagina. I have small boobs and I like them but I do want them to be somewhat bigger. By the way, I really like bras.

I've only been in only relationship so far. It was with a girl, a stone butch to be accurate, if not a transgender man. It was a really unpleasant experience and I wish it never happened.

Technically I wouldn't mind be with a stone butch or transgender man by far I think I'm more of a panromantic person. In fact, I fin them quite attractive. However, I cannot stand it if he/she wouldn't show me his/her body after being in a long and stable relation.

I don't want to be with a guy who is not straight nor a transgender female. I would prefer lesbian over bisexual girls. However, after all I wish I can be with an asexual as it would be the best for both of us.

[Frigid Pink]

I define "asexuality" as "no desire for partnered sex." Other possible definitions are "an enduring lack of sexual desire for others" as well as "an enduring lack of sexual inclinations/feelings towards others." Basically, an "asexual" person isn't drawn towards sexual interaction with others. Beyond that, it varies from person to person, regardless of sexual orientation.

[Star Bit]

Some people are genital averse or repulsed and that's fine. Being willing to sexually compromise with a woman; which asexuals can do, and actually desiring to have sex with one are two different things.

I don't want to be with a guy who is not straight nor a transgender female. I would prefer lesbian over bisexual girls. However, after all I wish I can be with an asexual as it would be the best for both of us.

Wait, but that disqualifies Panromantic; and makes it Biromantic; as Panromantic means the biological sex/gender of a person is not a contributing factor in attraction. Unless you mean this toward sexual people/you would not sexually compromise with someone with male genitals, which is fine and doesn't disqualify Panromantic, but if strictly being in a romantic relationship with someone with male genitals then that would disqualify Panromantic.

[RowanM]

Some people are genital averse or repulsed and that's fine. Being willing to sexually compromise with a woman; which asexuals can do, and actually desiring to have sex with one are two different things.

I don't want to be with a guy who is not straight nor a transgender female. I would prefer lesbian over bisexual girls. However, after all I wish I can be with an asexual as it would be the best for both of us.

Wait, but that disqualifies Panromantic; and makes it Biromantic; as Panromantic means the biological sex/gender of a person is not a contributing factor in attraction. Unless you mean this toward sexual people/you would not sexually compromise with someone with male genitals, which is fine and doesn't disqualify Panromantic, but if strictly being in a romantic relationship with someone with male genitals then that would disqualify Panromantic.

Thank you very much!

You just spoke out my heart. I have no desire to have sex with anyone but I will have sex with women assigned at birth if seriously necessary. I don't want to be top though in this situation. I will not compromise for people with male genitals. I think I have really bad genital aversion :(

For romantic relation, I don't really care about the partner's sexual identity. I'm kind of attracted to male, female, FTM and non binary female assigned at birth. I find myself not attracted to MTF or non binary male assigned at birth although I do have friend who is a MTF. I have to note that I don't have any problem or negative opinion with MTF. Does that mean I'm panromantic? I might be wrong but I've never really been in a romantic relationship where I find myself attracted to my partner.

Thanks!

[Star Bit]

If you have bad genital aversion, wouldn't that be general repulsion?

About the romantic orientation, i ask the following. Could you date someone with male genitals in a strictly romantic; non-sexually compromising relationship? If yes, then that's Panromantic (which includes dating intersex individuals), if no then that's Polyromantic (which means many but not all; in this case women, transitioned women, and non-transitioned men), but if you can't date anyone who even used to have male genitals then that's Biromantic (as this can be for any two; in this case women and non-transitioned men)

[RowanM]

If you have bad genital aversion, wouldn't that be general repulsion?

About the romantic orientation, i ask the following. Could you date someone with male genitals in a strictly romantic; non-sexually compromising relationship? If yes, then that's Panromantic (which includes dating intersex individuals), if no then that's Polyromantic (which means many but not all; in this case women, transitioned women, and non-transitioned men), but if you can't date anyone who even used to have male genitals then that's Biromantic (as this can be for any two; in this case women and non-transitioned men)

Yes, probably. I just found it disgusting. I even hate my own vagina and I wish I don't have one.

I would date a straight man or a lesbian or a bisexual woman or a FTM but not a MTF if that makes sense. Sorry it seems it doesn't. Let me try this way.

1. I would date anyone who is female assigned at birth regardless of her/his/their sexual identity, for example a lesbian or a FTM.

2. I would also date a male assigned at birth who is heteroromantic (can be heterosexual or aseuxal) and also identify himself as a male, for example a straight man or a heteroromantic asexual man.

3. I wouldn't date someone who is male assigned at birth but not identify himself/herself/theirselves as a homoromantic guy, for example a bisexual man or MTF.

This seems better...

According to your description, it seems I'm likely to be polyromantic asexual?

Thank you!

[Star Bit]

Yup, your conclusion seems to line up with what i said.

[booksoversex]

I think questioning is normal. Most of us have done it. I am fairly certain I am asexual, because I have a complete disinterest in sex. I've always replied "I don't really think of people that way" when others asked me if I found this or that person hot/sexy. But I have had sex. I have enjoyed it. When I've been in relationships, it's seemed almost a natural thing. It's not really that I've craved it in any way, more that I haven't questioned it being a part of our relationship. Even the sex acts I've found repulsive, like giving oral sex. In my most serious relationship, the sex waned off and I didn't really notice, though, because it wasn't an important part of the relationship to me. At least not at that point. But I find it hard to pinpoint exactly what I've thought about sex. It was often a societal pressure thing to me, just something I did because it was something young people were supposed to do. All of this points to me being asexual. But, I have also - after having sex with someone, and enjoyed it - thought about what the sex felt like later while masturbating. Not always, but a couple of times. I have been turned on a few times by suggestive texts etc. by a sexual partner. Does this make me grey? Ace? Sexual, but sex-indifferent? I can't really tell. It's hard to define those things. I commend you for making an effort, but it's also worth thinking about whether or not you NEED those definitions. Of course, it's about knowing who you are. But many people are too quick defining themselves this or that. If you are not sure, it might be best not identifying as anything at all, just thinking to yourself you're still figuring it out? :)

[RowanM]

I think questioning is normal. Most of us have done it. I am fairly certain I am asexual, because I have a complete disinterest in sex. I've always replied "I don't really think of people that way" when others asked me if I found this or that person hot/sexy. But I have had sex. I have enjoyed it. When I've been in relationships, it's seemed almost a natural thing. It's not really that I've craved it in any way, more that I haven't questioned it being a part of our relationship. Even the sex acts I've found repulsive, like giving oral sex. In my most serious relationship, the sex waned off and I didn't really notice, though, because it wasn't an important part of the relationship to me. At least not at that point. But I find it hard to pinpoint exactly what I've thought about sex. It was often a societal pressure thing to me, just something I did because it was something young people were supposed to do. All of this points to me being asexual. But, I have also - after having sex with someone, and enjoyed it - thought about what the sex felt like later while masturbating. Not always, but a couple of times. I have been turned on a few times by suggestive texts etc. by a sexual partner. Does this make me grey? Ace? Sexual, but sex-indifferent? I can't really tell. It's hard to define those things. I commend you for making an effort, but it's also worth thinking about whether or not you NEED those definitions. Of course, it's about knowing who you are. But many people are too quick defining themselves this or that. If you are not sure, it might be best not identifying as anything at all, just thinking to yourself you're still figuring it out? :)

Thanks! I agree with you that I should probably not label myself to quick but I'm pretty sure that I have extreme genital aversion. I'm also sure that I belong to the LGBTQ+ and I think that's fairly enough as I made a lot of friend in the community. I do expecting a heathy relationship but I won't strictly select the potential romantic partner. I'll see :)