Advice? Being asked about sexual orientation when accessing healthcare.

[yuuyami]

I know I haven't posted on this forum for a few years but I came accross a situation earlier today that I wasn't sure how to deal with.

I've requested to be referred for counselling / therapy and the person dealing with my request on the phone asked for my sexual orientation, ethnicity and religion. I panicked and just said yes when they asked me if I was heterosexual (I'm sure they either misheard or didn't understand when I said asexual initially).

Has anyone else been in a similar situation before? Has anyone reacted in a similar or different way? I'm heteromantic myself but I'm not sure if saying I was heterosexual was okay (since I don't think the person on the phone was interested in specifics ) or whether I should have just declined to answer.

Also for some reason I'm just left a bit confused about this whole thing. And a little upset I was asked all this without warning .

[Kappamaki]

If this is for counseling/therapy, they're asking these questions to match you with an appropriate counselor or therapist. If you're black and a lot of your issues in life stem from living in a racist society, it's best not to pair you up with a white therapist ignorant about these issues, for instance. So these are important questions to ask.

Saying that you're asexual would have made it more likely that your matched therapist/counselor would be knowledgeable about asexuality, so it probably would have been better. I've gotten my fair share of crap from ignorant therapists who assume my asexuality is a problem when I come in to talk about other things.

You can always change your therapist if this one doesn't work out for you, and you can ask to get one that's knowledgeable about asexuality if that's important.

[Philip027]

If your orientation doesn't have anything to do with what you're going in to therapy for (like, even remotely), I wouldn't make a big deal out of it yet before you've even met with any therapist.

That being said though, I did have a moment where I mentioned my asexuality to a therapist and it didn't feel like I was being believed. Even though my reasons for seeing a therapist have nothing to do with my asexuality, this still ended up being a deal breaker to me, because I couldn't help but think "well shit, if he doesn't believe this about me, is he going to take anything else I say seriously?" And once you're feeling that way about a therapist, they are already doing no good for you. May as well move on.

[yuuyami]

Thank you so much for your reply Kappamaki. From what you said that makes complete sense. Now that I think of it last time I received therapy when I was younger I was asked similar questions on a form written (although I didn't even know asexuality existed at the time).

Im probably being really silly but I think I might have just panicked a bit on the phone. The operator sounded a bit confused/taken aback when I initially said asexual so I think I just reacted. I guess I can always clarify if I need to once I can get the assessment with the therapist.

I think hearing about so many other aces being dismissed by their therapists has always made me worry. I'm sorry you've had to deal with therapists like that too.

Again in my situation I'm not 100% sure how important it would be for my therapist to know. Although I'd rather not go into detail there have been issues from my childhood that have led others to believe that I'm probably not asexual and once I get over these issues I may not be asexual any more. I know 100% I have never experienced asexual attraction in my life which is why I've identifyed as asexual soon after coming accross aven.

[yuuyami]

@Philip that makes sense. I think part of my is that I don't even fully know if my reason for seeing a therapist would be related or not. Some of it might be. But thank for your advice. It must have been really frustrating to have been dismissed like that.

[minimcwitch]

I've had to go through all of this before! I was asked on the phone about a year ago and I answered with 'asexual', and the woman hesitated and went "sorry, what was that?" so I repeated it. She actually laughed and said "alright, I've never heard that one before." Really?? The lack of knowledge gets frustrating at times, and you'd think people working in a profession like counselling/therapy would be open minded enough to learn about all of the different options!

[yuuyami]

@mimicwitch Wow! That's really great she took it down. I really wish I just had the guts early to repeat asexual again. For all I know she may have just misheard me anyway. u.u Idk if I was just being oversensitive or something but the woman on the phone came accross as very stren and I thought I might get told off for making things up or wasting their time.

I do know what you mean about how frustrating it is though. I know education/visibility will take time but it would be more helpful if professionals in these sorts of fields were more aware.

Edit: I found out their online form had an "other" option. U_U I feel stupid now...

Edited November 5, 2015 by yuuyami

[Frigid Pink]

The lack of knowledge gets frustrating at times, and you'd think people working in a profession like counselling/therapy would be open minded enough to learn about all of the different options!

I don't think it means someone isn't open-minded if they haven't heard of "asexuality" before. It's not common knowledge, and certainly not in the medical community. It's hard to learn about something that you don't even know exists, and that's why "asexuality" visibility and education is so important.

I know education/visibility will take time but it would be more helpful if professionals in these sorts of fields were more aware.

I agree, it would definitely be more helpful, however, there needs to be more research on "asexuality" and more targeted visibility and education efforts (within the medical community) in order to increase awareness.

I'm interested in being part of a Project Team group to tackle that, however, I'd prefer to have more clarification and agreement on the "asexuality" definition and more consistency about what "asexuality" is and what it means to be an "asexual" person first because I see those as potential blocks to getting the medical community to take "asexuality" seriously (as a valid sexual orientation and not as a disorder).

[Guest]

I'm wondering if you could say you were questioning/not sure and then when you get there you can explain further if you want? Also could you request you therapist research asexuality?