Guest Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 So i only found out 2 years ago that i was ace but i never researched anything about it, i just saw the definition when i was googling something and thought i could now put a word to how i was feeling. So i left it at that. Up until a few weeks ago i joined this site and have come along some interesting things but im now so confused as to how asexuals can enjoy sex ... I don't know if i just have an extremely low libido or if it doesn't exist at all. I'm still interested in sex, i masturbate regularly and i do think about it with my crush but i'm a virgin and whenever it comes close to anything intimate with anyone i lose interest straight away and feel annoyed that they see me that way. At the same time i wish i was a sex addict, lol. I just want to be a normal functioning human being. Anyway can someone explain as i've read a few forum posts mentioning that they've enjoyed it or they don't mind it. I'm even looking into that new women's viagra that they're bringing out, just to boost my libido.. i don't really know if that'll affect me in any way though. Sorry for the long post :o Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 You don't want sex addiction. Addiction is a serious issue and isn't anything to take light hearted. I'm within the cupiosexual umbrella within the ace community, which means even though I don't have sexual attraction, I still desire a sexual relationship with my lover. For me, I enjoy sex, however, I don't go out of my way for it. If I never had sex again, I'd be totally fine with it. If I did have sex again, great! However, it's not some big, special activity for me. It's the same thing as jogging, playing video games, eating, or doing anything with my lover, really. It's just another thing to do with them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I think i'd rather be addicted than asexual, at least i would have more fun Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bezzy-Loo Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Asexuality isn't necessarily a dislike or even a disinterest in sex - it's simply a lack of attraction. The disinterest or dislike, and other details, are additional traits that may or may not overlap, depending on the individual. You mention that you masturbate - that right there is a part of it, a simple, physical pleasure that can come with sex, partnered or solo. There are also those who simply enjoy making their partner happy - like me. Though I can feel physical pleasure, to me, sex is a lot more work than it's worth. I know that it makes my boyfriend feel good and that it makes him happy though. I'm pretty playful too, and sometimes that includes teasing and such even when I have no interest in doing anything. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bezzy-Loo Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I think i'd rather be addicted than asexual, at least i would have more fun Nonononono. Part of what defines a addiction is that it ruins things. It goes beyond enjoying something to feeling that you somehow need it, that you are suffering without it, and you would give up good things just to ease that sense of suffering for a bit. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I think i'd rather be addicted than asexual, at least i would have more fun I think you need a reality check. I think you need to take a look at some sex addiction stories. I know there's the video I think called "Tales of a nymphomaniac". there's a few videos on youtube as well. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 (Asexuality is simply not desiring partnered sex.) People react differently to things they don't reciprocate; enjoyment, appreciation, indifference, repulsion, aversion. Asexuals, and anyone for that matter, can enjoy what they don't desire for different reasons. Some asexuals like orgasming, some like making their partner happy/get moral satisfaction, etc. As for you wishing you weren't your orientation, I simply suggest these brief videos. Asexuals aren’t the only ones with these issues. Being sexual really wouldn't fix it because then you'd STILL have the problem of finding a partner with a compatible sex-drive, especially if you were hypersexual, let alone a sex addict. Link Link and Link (Bi people get BS too) Link (you don’t need to be the majority/conform, and you’re not the only one that’s asexual) And a pill will not fix your sexuality. Plus, i would think you'd need the capability of actually desiring someone sexually for it to even have an effect instead of just increasing your desire to masturbate. Not to mention it has horrible ratios; only 10% of women in the trials had results, and on top of that, the results were only desiring sex ONE more time a month than normal; not increasing it the longer it was taken. And most people consider having sex once a month as bad, so it wouldn't even help. So flibanserin is completely pointless. That, and it's highly restricted; you would need to be diagnosed with "HSDD" (which doesn't exist; look up the invalidating percentages on it), as well as find a Dr. who's been authorized to prescribe it. You'd need to completely abstain from alcohol too and if the Dr isn't 100% sure you can do that then they can't prescribe it. And considering there hasn't been extensive testing, this pill may increase ADD or OCDs, or what have you, because of the way it effects the brain. It may even create those disorders from existing slight problems. You're seriously better off just dating an asexual or sexual person that's ok with not having sex. There is a meetup section on here; look for one in your area or create your own. And there are meetups off of AVEN too, so googling an asexual meetup in your location is another option. There are also asexual dating sites. When you think about having sex with your crush, do you actually desire to do genital involving things to their body or are you just trying to do so because it's expected? Increasing your libido won't fix you being turned off by sexual advances. Perhaps you're Lithsexual aka Aposexual (which i prefer because its prefix isn't a metaphor). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I think i'd rather be addicted than asexual, at least i would have more fun Actual addiction is hell, don't do it. Oh, I'm speaking as someone who was actually addicted to something entirely innocent--not sex. But seriously, getting so obsessed with something that your brain forms a dependence on it is very unhealthy. It has high highs, but really low lows...which for me led to contemplating suicide. So, yeah, I don't recommend addiction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Asexual people generally have body parts that function and are certainly capable of orgasm. When I say that I can enjoy sex, I mean that I can enjoy the physical sensations from it, which includes an orgasm. If you want to understand asexuality more, then I highly recommend this (scholarly) article (see excerpts below): "the definition of asexuality as a lack of sexual attraction (or lack of sexual desire for others) does not necessarily imply that asexual people lack physiological arousal experiences. The capacity for erection and vaginal lubrication in asexual people may be fully intact" "there are a number of definitions of asexuality, although a lack of sexual attraction (or a lack of desire for others) is, arguably, the most common definition in both recent literature and among individuals who support the most popular chat/Web site (AVEN) devoted to asexuality issues. Also notable is that a lack of attraction is, at least to some degree, independent of other facets of pyschosexual functioning (e.g., sexual desire, sexual behavior, pysiological arousal, romantic inclinations)." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Think of an activity (any activity) that you could fit into the following two sentences: <activity> is enjoyable. However, I would never suggest doing <activity> with someone else and I never think about it. I'll pick something, like chess. See how this might make sense. Chess is enjoyable. However, I would never suggest doing chess with someone else and I never think about it. Now, insert sex into that sentence instead... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I didn't necessarily mean addicted i just meant someone who has sex multiple times a day and don't get tired from it. Compared to me, never wanting sex. In my mind i do but i know if it came to it in reality i don't think i'd want it at all and i'm just envious of people who take it for granted. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Sexual things to me are such a huge mystery. I heard a big amount of reasons about why they're supposed to be pleasurable, but since I cannot feel it myself, I cannot completely understand. It's as if I was not able to see the color red and everyone tried to explain how it looks like, but in the end I would still have never seen "red". This is why I don't miss it and to be quite honest it's even difficult to comprehend why anyone would WANT to want sex. I mean, of course there are a lot of logical reasons (easier to find a partner/ partner would be happy, society's approval and so on). But what are the emotional reasons? It seems like some or many people really want the experience and not only to conform. What makes them actively desire to experience the desire for sex? How can somebody strongly want a feeling they have never experienced before? Sorry for rambling. It's just that many posters say they would like to want sex and it most always confuses me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Sexual things to me are such a huge mystery. I heard a big amount of reasons about why they're supposed to be pleasurable, but since I cannot feel it myself, I cannot completely understand. It's as if I was not able to see the color red and everyone tried to explain how it looks like, but in the end I would still have never seen "red". This is why I don't miss it and to be quite honest it's even difficult to comprehend why anyone would WANT to want sex. I mean, of course there are a lot of logical reasons (easier to find a partner/ partner would be happy, society's approval and so on). But what are the emotional reasons? It seems like some or many people really want the experience and not only to conform. What makes them actively desire to experience the desire for sex? How can somebody strongly want a feeling they have never experienced before? Sorry for rambling. It's just that many posters say they would like to want sex and it most always confuses me. I often think of sexual thoughts, read erotic books, watch porn but when it comes to reality i'm not really interested. I want to enjoy sex because i know for the majority of people love having it, i don't care so much about the pressure of society but i just wish i could have the same experience as them though i know i never will. The only reason i will ever have sex is just to have children and please my partner (if he is a sexual man) I want to know what is different from a normal person to an asexual if it's something physical and/or if it's all down to what the brain is transmitting. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Masturbation and actually desiring someone sexually are two completely different things. A majority of asexuals masturbate. Yes, sexual orientation is in the brain; it's because of how it develops in the womb (the same goes for being trans). Gay people react the same way as an asexual with heterosexual advances. Nothing's wrong, it's just not there; you're just different but that's completely fine because there are people who are just like you in your orientation. Here's an adorkabley short video. link There's nothing you can do about it; the impulse isn't there. Yes, it would be easier for gay and bi people if they were just straight (as well as trans and intersex people if they were just the majority), but they aren't and alot of them have come to accept it. I highly suggest the first video link i gave. ( ) Gay and Bi people have the same ratio as us (2% each; assuming the ace ratio is just a hint higher than the 1% survey because it was done when asexuality was less known). Life isn't easy for them either, so don't think badly of your differences and just pursue someone who's compatible. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Here's an adorkabley short video. link LOL nice one. ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
That asexual guy Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I think your post brings up the reason so many people are confused about asexuality. I have had sex. Don't care for it. Don't plan to have it again. I don't think there is a way for me to learn to like it either. A large number of asexuals do not enjoy sex but from reading forums that's not the impression a lot of people get. People on here want to correct everyone into defining asexuality simply by attraction and nothing else. But on a personal level I can't possibly enjoy sex with someone I'm not attracted to. So for me sex and attraction go hand in hand. It's going to be different for different people. So I don't think just because you read a specific asexual person enjoys sex without the attraction that anyone, including you, can and it's not something you can learn to do. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I want to know what is different from a normal person to an asexual if it's something physical and/or if it's all down to what the brain is transmitting. Well, first of all, I wouldn't call them a "normal" person. With that said, sexual orientation seems to be based on subjective experiences. If you want to learn more about asexuality (and sexuality), then I highly recommend this (scholarly) article. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 @That asexual guy Actually the attraction based definition only came to represent asexuality because AVEN became the main asexual website. In truth it was dictated and the creator of the definition most likely didn't know there was a difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire when he coined it. So there are many people who do believe the above definition is wrong, and the ones that don't aren't informed on the problems/inaccuracies an attraction based definitions has. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nmcdermott94 Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 I didn't realize I was asexual until after I had sex. I was partaking in sexual things because in my head it was what I was supposed to be doing as a Teenage heterosexual Male. I found little pleasure in the sexual activities I was doing and in my head I was just thinking "oh, that's it?". Fast Forward to when I discovered Asexuality and it really struck with me and how I felt towards women in general. I have very little sexual attraction to females, as I am way more attracted to personality and aesthetics. However, I do have a high libido (which may be in part due to a) me being a 20 year old hetero male or B) my previous sexual activities as a youngin') but I find tons more pleasure in masturbation then any sexual act. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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