Asexuality and alcoholism.

[acepoppyheart]

So at a meet-up recently, I found out that there's apparently statistical parallels between very low alcohol consumption and people who identify on the asexual spectrum. It seemed many of my fellow aces who were present agreed, or were indifferent.

I personally, on the other hand, have experienced pretty severe drinking problems tied in with lots of issues pertaining to sexuality, denying my asexuality to try and function in relationships (before I really addressed or acknowledged who I actually was) being one of them. In general, I have had severe drinking problems, if not being an outright alcoholic. I'm doing better now, but it's been an ongoing problem that has caused serious issues for me, damage, and very bad decisions.

Anyway, I was honestly surprised at how many other aces seemed to identify with the indifference or low usage of alcohol, whereas I'm sort of sitting there, side eyeing because I know my own tendencies and history.

Anyone else out there who have had these issues, if not directly intertwined with personal struggles and accepting their asexuality? I posted this in the older group since I'm 32 and this is pretty heavy subject matter, but if it should go somewhere else, let me know. And I welcome the points of view from anyone on this topic! But especially people close to my age.

Input is super appreciated. :)

[Raina.]

I've pretty much been the same as you. I've had issues with overusage of alcohol since I was in my early teens so the indifference to alcohol definitely doesn't apply to me. However, alcohol dependency does run in the family. So I guess it's also that. But I've used it as a way to escape for years - abuse and the inability to accept myself probably caused me to lean towards alcohol (and weed) at an early age. People say that drinking usually leads to more thoughts of sex etc. but that's never been the case?

Edit: I'm 24 years old so I'm not sure if the older aces part applies to me? What's the general age?

[acepoppyheart]

I've pretty much been the same as you. I've had issues with overusage of alcohol since I was in my early teens so the indifference to alcohol definitely doesn't apply to me. However, alcohol dependency does run in the family. So I guess it's also that. But I've used it as a way to escape for years - abuse and the inability to accept myself probably caused me to lean towards alcohol (and weed) at an early age. People say that drinking usually leads to more thoughts of sex etc. but that's never been the case?

Edit: I'm 24 years old so I'm not sure if the older aces part applies to me? What's the general age?

Hi! I just edited my own post to clarify that anyone is welcome to comment, but I posted it here more because I'm 32 and was curious what people's experiences were closer to my age, rather than still being in college or at a different stage in their lives, if that makes sense. No offense inferred to anyone for their age at all! Anyway, yeah, I feel that all too. And yeah, drinking has never led to thoughts of sex, so much to a lot of sloppy behavior where I was able to forget how much of a point of stress and guilt that NOT having sex had been. Or attempting to understand my own feelings toward people I liked romantically, or heck, even platonically, and automatically saying, "Well, this relationship is really intense, which means it's supposed to be romantic, which THEN means it's time to get sexy." Uhhh, yes, a lot of misguided assumptions there in my case, given who I turned out to be, but I also grapple with the fact that a lot of my friendships are super intense. Now, that makes total sense and I'm able to sort through my own emotions, whereas once upon a time, it was impossible for me. So between not desiring sex and having extremely dysfunctional relationships, AND not being able to understand intimacy in any gray area (not that anyone I was involved with could either, besides casual sex, which is all well and good, but that was the only variation of "gray" area I got), alcohol definitely made everything less horrible. I mean, at the time. Heh. It made everything way MORE horrible the next morning or day, when I did something I didn't remember or only remembered bits and pieces of, but that's how it went in general. Being blackout drunk so I didn't have to feel abnormal or guilty.

[ShyFeather]

I'd be interested to see it distinguish between social drinking and other forms of drinking. While I can understand asexuals being more likely to avoid social drinking since those environments tend to get more sexually charged, I think drinking outside of that situation wouldn't be affected or could even be higher. I've never heard of this study so I'm a bit skeptical. It seems like the kind of thing where people think us being asexual makes us more "pure", but really we can fuck up just as bad as the next person.

[Skycaptain]

Like many other issues there will be asexuals who abuse alcohol or narcotics, in the same way that some asexuals have conditions like ASD or dysphoria. But not all do, and equally many people on the sexual spectrum have exactly these same conditions.

Yes, alcohol is involved in meet-ups at times, but socially. There are people for whom meets are the only time they socialise.

[Aqua Blue]

I personally don't drink, never had an interest. I think some of that was because I never wanted to loose control, it also could be because beer and wine give me migraines.

When I was in nursing school in the early 70's in the section on alcoholics there was a lot of talk about alcoholic men marrying "frigid" women. Now, I think frigid women may have been asexual. I have tossed that around in my head for a long time, as I did end up marrying an alcoholic. I am not sure what that has to do with what you were talking about tho, lol.

[keidero]

i very much relate to this im 51 and identify now as demisexual and from my teens until my early 30s was a very heavy drinker and consider myself an alcholic (even though i have a few now and then i dont get drunk any more) ,and i think it defintly helped me get across barriers the normally would have been there sober.Wnen i sobered up my seuxlaity was demi even though back then the term didnt exsist my behavior was with in line with that,alcohol lowers your inabitions and i learned years ago that that there is a tie between heavy drinking and addictions to sexual behavior,i dont think though it nessasarly is true of alot or most asexauls or greys/demi's,though i see how it could happened and cause masvise confusion and hurt,id like to that you for posting this because i hadnt even though of that until now and it helps me make major sense of my past sexaul experince

[booksoversex]

I drink quite frequently, normal for people my age. I like being drunk, but not wasted. Therefore I virtually only drink beer and wine, the occasional drink. I know when to stop, I just don't have any problem with being drunk, it can be fun. Some people think that if you're in control, you stop BEFORE you get drunk, but that's just if you actively don't want to be drunk. The hangovers get worse with age, that's my main problem. :P

Sex, especially casual sex, has always been connected to alcohol in my mind. I didn't know I was ace, and I guess while drunk my inhibitions against having sex weaken. I was also severely drunk (actually, wasted) during "my first time", which was planned as I wanted to get it over with and knew it would be easier if I was wasted.

I think I have a perfectly normal drinking habit, people my age in my country drink A LOT. Binge drinking is the norm, not the exception. It's the viking blood! :P

[Xavy]

I limit my alcohol intake mostly to an occasional glass of wine because I am afraid any more than that could complicate medical issues I have, otherwise I probably would drink more than I do now.

I get the feeling that a lot of asexuals do not drink, or are like me and drink in extreme moderation. Maybe part of the reason is that Most alcohol advertisements are usually very sexual and go over the head of aces.

[MoraDollie]

I believe this is correlation, not causation. Just a really weird "coincidence" type thing.

[Skycaptain]

booksoversex I've had plenty of practice at "using alcohol to overcome my inhibitions " but it hasn't worked, I still hold my V-card.

I wouldn't say that there's a great difference in drinking patterns between Aces I socialise with and sexuals I socialise with.

[OldAceGuy]

I'm 39 and used drugs and alcohol to excess until I was 36. I used it all to try and feel "normal" and a lot of that was related to not understanding who I was, including my asexuality. In less than 2 weeks I will have been clean and sober for 3 years and I've never been or felt better.

[Gloomy]

Right now I drink less than once a month. I used to drink a few times a week, but I don't like being drunk anymore, the novelty of being old enough to legally drink has worn off for me, and I'm currently on antidepressants which don't mix well with alcohol. Back when I drank more I would often get drunk because I was bored or depressed.

[Nidwin]

I go nearly every evening to the pub (usual place) for a couple of beers with a shot of Black Label. I drink around 10+ liters of beer a week and I'm 46.

[fuzzipueo]

I'm 45 and the only drink I've ever had was a tiny sip of a margarita to just taste it (I had just turned 21). The maker asked me what I thought, "too much strawberry?" "No," I replied. "Too much alcohol."

I've never wanted to drink, don't ever want to gain a taste for the stuff, and never become addicted (a family curse of the worst kind). Does it correlate with being ace? Maybe in a parallel way, but I think listening to my mother's horror stories about growing with an alcoholic father have more to do with my avoidance.

[Sally]

So at a meet-up recently, I found out that there's apparently statistical parallels between very low alcohol consumption and people who identify on the asexual spectrum. It seemed many of my fellow aces who were present agreed, or were indifferent.

I've never heard that and I very much doubt there's any correlation. Did that person at the meetup tell you where they read it? If not, just because a small group of people thought that was the case doesn't mean anything.

[GliderRider]

I just saw this after posting something very similar. Long story short, I'm super romantic with a high libido, so when I would get involved with someone it was quite the emotional ride. I just recently figured out the asexuality aspect of me, after a string of failed relationships that entailed heavy drinking in the hope of getting my sex drive going. When I felt the pressure/ultimatum looming, I would keep drinking thinking that maybe one more shot would do the trick. Needless to say it never worked, and sometimes backfired in very dramatic ways.

Good news, since I figured out my aceness I have had no trouble going back to moderate alcohol intake. I am so, so relieved to know that I never have to experience that kind of mutual resentment and excruciating confusion again.

[GliderRider]

I just saw this after posting something very similar. Long story short, I'm super romantic with a high libido, so when I would get involved with someone it was quite the emotional ride. I just recently figured out the asexuality aspect of me, after a string of failed relationships that entailed heavy drinking in the hope of getting my sex drive going. When I felt the pressure/ultimatum looming, I would keep drinking thinking that maybe one more shot would do the trick. Needless to say it never worked, and sometimes backfired in very dramatic ways.

Good news, since I figured out my aceness I have had no trouble going back to moderate alcohol intake. I am so, so relieved to know that I never have to experience that kind of mutual resentment and excruciating confusion again.

[Guest]

I don't know about those low-alcohol-intake among asexuals statistics.. I know a lot of aces who are heavy drinkers.

[cdrdash]

So at a meet-up recently, I found out that there's apparently statistical parallels between very low alcohol consumption and people who identify on the asexual spectrum. It seemed many of my fellow aces who were present agreed, or were indifferent.

Input is super appreciated. :)

I don't think there is any correlation between asexuality and how much one drinks. I did go through struggles with figuring out my asexuality but I sought other ways than drinking to deal with it (psychotherapy and eating too much come to mind). I get really sick when I drink too much so it never worked very well to make me feel better about my woes. I now drink socially but call it a day after one or two drinks knowing that any more than that and I'll have an unpleasant night ahead of me full of nausea and headaches!

Cathy

[lauraanned]

I am 36 and identify as asexual, I do like a drink or two but previously when in sexual relationships I would mostly only have sex after drinking. Certainly my younger casual sex years were very much drink fuelled. I don't know if there is a correlation between drinking and sexuality as such, for me I was working in a place where heavy social drinking was the norm, I was heavily influenced by societal expectations within relationships and drink seemed to remove my aversion to sex.

Relatively recently (2 years ago) I had a 6 month relationship which did involve sex. Always after drinking. I ended the relationship and that was when I began to really assess how I feel about sex, finding explanations for how I feel and that others feel the same way was a huge relief. Now I'm confident that should I find myself in a relationship I would be open about my asexuality and able to enjoy a bottle of wine with a partner without it leading anywhere.

[Username_2017]

I have just really started to accept my asexuality. Which has been a relief but also it terrifies me. I am 28 and an addict, I would be very promiscuous when I was younger not because I actually wanted to have sex but because I thought it would lead to someone wanting me for who I am underneath. I have abused alcohol and drugs to try and take away the pain because underneath I am just not happy with who I am and the immense pain that I am unworthy of love unless I have sex. It baffles me and I am angry and bitter to say the least 😂 I have just relapsed in the worst way possible so now starts a long road to recovery without alcohol or drugs and accepting who I am.

I wonder if people who are unhappy and feel they need to be fixed are more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol to cope. Sorry for the rather depressing post but I'm struggling a little at the moment

[CaliJones]

I don't like being in bars, but I'll occasionally go to one with coworkers and I'll have a couple of beers. Most of the time when I drink, I do it at home when I'm feeling bad about myself.

[fissiparity]

I didn't touch a drop of alcohol until the age of 28 and on the occasions when I have drank to excess it hasn't in anyway affected my complete lack of sexual interest. Reading other comments in this topic I'm perplexed that other asexuals have found that excess alcohol has increased their receptivity toward sexual activity. I suppose everyone is different but I don't see why or how alcohol should alter something as intrinsic as asexuality.

[cavalier080854]

I'm 62 and in my younger days in the military consumed loads of alcohol. 7 bottles of wine in one evening just for myself. Though this was atypical, I drink only 2 pints in an evening. Presently I rarely drink and only socially. Weekly consumption is 6 units a week, usually less. As for changing receptivity to sexual activity, remember what Shakespeare wrote "drink provokes the desire but takes away from the performance". Drink has never changed my desire for sex, it's very much non-existent, I've never had beer goggles effect my opinion on beauty.

[Skycaptain]

Second the above, whilst I get less inhibited ( more talkative) after a few, it does change a total lack of desire.

[Tanwen]

I used to have a serious drinking problem - I've been abstinent for almost 5 years (12 December). It definitely helped with my social anxiety - it's extremely difficult for me now and I seldom go to any meetings.

[if-indeed]

When I was younger I drank quite a bit, and in many cases it was with the intention of working myself up to sleep with people (I'm one of those people who does get more horny when I drink). I think it's unlikely that that wasn't related to asexuality somehow. In retrospect it makes me feel stupid and uncomfortable. Nowadays I can't drink heavily because of the medications I take, otherwise I get sick for days. Once in a long while I will have a glass of wine or something with friends. I do miss drinking.

[Aqua Blue]

Non drinker here, I think it is more because I am a highly sensitive person than my asexuality. Although there seems to be more HSP in the asexual group.

[Delete account please]

Me too, Aqua Blue