long-term effects

[butterflydreams]

This is kind of a topic I've poked at here before, but at this point, I think I have only one basic question about it:

Can lack of physical touch/intimacy (sexual or non-sexual depending on your preference) hurt you over time?

[RK800]

Theoretically I think it can but it depends on the person and the circumstances.

[dissolved]

If we're talking about harm on a purely psychological basis, then yeah, absolutely.

I personally could go maybe... two or three years without intimacy, but I get to a point where I feel so ridiculously lonely that I'll go for the next person who shows me any interest. It's crappy and I end up loathing them, but for just that short while, the desire for intimacy is momentarily sated.

[Hardly any]

I think the lack of touch in general is bad for a person's mind. I recommend the occasional Christian side-hug to stave off the crazy.

[Philip027]

It definitely hurts some in a psychological sense, yes.

I don't feel like I fall under this group, but I feel like to at least some extent, my partner may be... and she just didn't know it until we met and got to experience it first :(

[butterflydreams]

Hmm, I guess the obvious followup (especially if the consensus is that it can be harmful) is what can you do about it to mitigate that harm? Also, is the harm permanent? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pretty concerned about this.

I personally could go maybe... two or three years without intimacy, but I get to a point where I feel so ridiculously lonely that I'll go for the next person who shows me any interest. It's crappy and I end up loathing them, but for just that short while, the desire for intimacy is momentarily sated.

If we draw the line of "intimacy" at something above a friendly hug of friends you haven't seen in a while, I don't think I've ever had it. And even friendly hugs with friends are pretty rare. Eep!

[oldgeeza]

Some people just don't like physical touching or intimacy, for whatever reason, that is a part of who they are, I'm not like that myself, I'm a cuddle slut, in the same way that I would miss that sort of thing, some are the total opposite, it may be the total reverse action for those who don't like the intimacy, the sensation of touch, I'm no expert in these matters, but if that's how a person is, then it probably won't hurt them, obviously this is only my opinion, I don't know for certain.

[Philip027]

Hmm, I guess the obvious followup (especially if the consensus is that it can be harmful) is what can you do about it to mitigate that harm? Also, is the harm permanent? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pretty concerned about this.

Well, just because this sort of thing exists doesn't mean it happens to everybody. Like I said, I don't really feel like this is something I need. I get the sort of intimacy that I need just communicating with my partner online. While I would love to be there with her in-person too, it's not something I'm torn up about by not having. It's not anything against her (or anyone else I've been close to emotionally); it's just the way I'm apparently wired.

I doubt it's a permanent sort of effect, most of the time. Something more likely to have a lasting (but still not necessarily permanent) effect on a person would be parents' neglect/abuse of a child, which can fuck them up in all sorts of nasty ways depending on what exactly was neglected/abused.

Frankly, I feel like that if (to you) this was something that you needed to have, you would know it. It's possible though that you could be somewhat like my partner, and not really be conscious of this desire until you've already gotten to experience it with someone firsthand. I am her first partner, so it's been a learning experience for her in several aspects.

[MrAce]

I sure hope not or else there could be some damage dealt to me over my life time

Hugs I can handle if its not really prolonged and I am aware that someone is going to hug me, anything past that is as far as im concerned off bounds! (Even holding hands)

[Jea]

Yes, it certainly can.

But if the person doesn't feel it, and if they are touch repulsed, then I don't think it would.

[butterflydreams]

Yeah, I guess to clarify, I'm asking the question from a position of some person who knows or suspects that they need it. I would think that if you weren't interested in it, or repulsed by it, it would be akin to asking if an introvert was suffering harm because they didn't socialize as much as their social butterfly friends.

Like I said, I've never really had it, especially in my adult life, and the concern is that the lack is potentially doing serious damage where somewhere down the line, I can't even be touched at all. And I certainly feel like all I want is to come home and cuddle with someone or just mutual holding (or is that a synonym for cuddling?).

[Philip027]

Like I said, I've never really had it, especially in my adult life, and the concern is that the lack is potentially doing serious damage where somewhere down the line, I can't even be touched at all.

I don't think that's too likely to happen. I think if anything, you might feel shy or uneasy about it in the same sort of sense you might when you are staring down a strange looking food and are expected to eat it, even when you know that it actually does taste very good. But someone that you feel compatible enough to do that sort of thing with would likely help ease you into it.

Those are just my guesses, though. I'm not you @_@

[allrightalready]

define touch/intimacy. getting hugs helps the immune system so i seek those out. sex has many risks including for me severe emotional consequences so i don't think lack of that is a risk at all

We know that hugs make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. And this feeling, it turns out, could actually ward off stress and protect the immune system, according to new research from Carnegie Mellon University.

It's a well-known fact that stress can weaken the immune system. In this study, the researchers sought to determine whether hugs -- like social support more broadly -- could protect individuals from the increased susceptibility to illness brought on by the particular stress that comes with interpersonal conflict.

"We know that people experiencing ongoing conflicts with others are less able to fight off cold viruses. We also know that people who report having social support are partly protected from the effects of stress on psychological states, such as depression and anxiety," the study's lead author, psychologist Dr. Sheldon Cohen, said in a statement. "We tested whether perceptions of social support are equally effective in protecting us from stress-induced susceptibility to infection and also whether receiving hugs might partially account for those feelings of support and themselves protect a person against infection."

In the experiment, over 400 healthy adults who filled out a questionnaire about their perceived social support and also participated in a nightly phone interview for two weeks. They were asked about the frequency that they engaged in interpersonal conflict and received hugs that day.

Then, the researchers exposed the participants to a common cold virus, and monitored them to assess signs of infection. They found that both perceived social support and more frequent hugs reduced the risk of infection associated with experiencing interpersonal conflict. Regardless of whether or not they experienced social conflicts, infected participants with greater perceived social support and more frequent hugs had less severe illness symptoms.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/19/science-proves-that-hugs-_n_6349398.html

[butterflydreams]

I mean, I'm defining touch/intimacy in whatever ways you as an individual feel interested in. I know for some people that's sex (probably not as common here) but for others it might be cuddling, long embraces, head petting...I can't think of anything else off the top of my head, but hopefully that explains the ballpark I'm talking about.

It seems like people who aren't repulsed or indifferent about it have some kind of need for it. So in that case, what happens when that need isn't met? How bad are we talking in terms of mental/physical consequences? Is there any way to mitigate those consequences?

Like I said, I've never really had it, especially in my adult life, and the concern is that the lack is potentially doing serious damage where somewhere down the line, I can't even be touched at all.

I don't think that's too likely to happen. I think if anything, you might feel shy or uneasy about it in the same sort of sense you might when you are staring down a strange looking food and are expected to eat it, even when you know that it actually does taste very good. But someone that you feel compatible enough to do that sort of thing with would likely help ease you into it.

Those are just my guesses, though. I'm not you @_@

I guess that seems reasonable. It's one of those things no one ever talks about. You obviously need water to live, food too. But touch and intimacy? We have no idea about that. It's a wildcard. So unknown. So the potential damages also seem very unknown. As a general rule, I don't much care for unknowns. (I'm kind of like Donald Rumsfeld that way I guess :P. Omg, did I just compare myself to Donald Rumsfeld?)

[scarletlatitude]

I guess it depends on what kind of touch we are talking about. Humans are social animals so having absolutely no human contact of any kind can be bad... that's why people are against solitary confinement. But there are people who function just fine with mental and emotional connections without physical touch, and there are people who need to be touching other people, and everything in between.

[Hardly any]

There was a study done on baby monkeys approximately all of the years ago, in which they were taken away from their mothers and given the choice between a soft cloth-covered fake mother, and a second fake mother that provided food. I don't know what percentage or anything, but many of them almost starved because they didn't want to leave the cloth mother.

I know human adults are a bit different from baby monkeys, it's that study which first concluded that touch is considered a primal need instilled in us when we're children. If you don't want it, I doubt you'll go crazy without it. And you won't starve to death.

[012]

Depends on the person. There are 6 billion people on the planet so we're not all going to be wired the same. For me, I can easily go years without it and it's not a problem at all. I'll occasionally get a temporary snuggle lust but it passes fairly quickly. And my immune system is fine :)

[ace11]

I think it could, although in my personal experience unwanted touch is a lot more stressful and probably more damaging. Probably something that is unique to each individual.

[..M..]

Seems like regardless of whether it's going to harm you... you feel like you're missing something. So if you don't really have friends you can cuddle with....

What about formalised touching, such as dancing?

Would that be something you'd be comfortable with? If so maybe try taking a dance class? (unless you hate dancing :P)... I mean it's not 'genuine' intimacy as such but might fill some of the physical and psycological void...

....it works for me and I dont generally like touch, (except from a few select people). Yet sometimes i feel the lack of it. I can deal with contact whilst dancing though and i think helps fulfil the need for touch...