Thinking you're gay but really you were just asexual all along (& vice-versa)

[Xavy]

Reminds me of myself, I thought u was gay for about a week as well. Of course, as it turns out I was not sexually interested in a anyone.

[scordatura]

I've dated men and women. My serious relationships have been with men, but I've loved women too. I've thought of myself and bi or pan since I was a teenager. So possibly panromantic but tending towards men. Still trying to figure out my personal terminology, and how ace I am (or maybe I'm pansexual-but-broken and not ace at all, still figuring it out). I'm queer, at any rate, and have known it since I was a kid. My first crushes (at age 3-4, so obviously not sexual crushes) were Darth Vader, and Debbie Harry from Blondie. (It was 1979. I feel old.)

[Russ23]

I have never thought I was gay but have been mistaken for being gay many times. Some of it was due to my indifference to sexual situations, having a lot of gay friends that I was close to - in some cases I was oblivious to the fact that they were gay and my general willingness to meet people and let them do most of the talking. When meeting people I usually take a back seat and let them lead the conversations to gage what their likes / dislikes are along with reading them in a sense. This is the same in conversations with both guys and girls. Being completely oblivious to flirting behavior, leads to me either ignoring their advance or mistaking it for something else. I try to do unto others and be nice and complement them as much as possible, which can accidentally lead to a misunderstanding.

Recently my friend threw an open house party for a couple bands and while mingling with crowd I a guy started hitting on me. I did not notice it at first with the subtle complements and looks he was giving me, but I must have gave some signal because while I was discussing some current topic he all but asked me to disappear with him with his 'your shirt would look better off' comment. At this I mimed the need a refill and shuffled off quickly to get another beer. Spent the next hour dodging the guy to avoid any awkwardness. Same situation has happened with some overly aggressive women in the past.

[Silencieuse]

I thought I was Bi for a while....I even came out to some of my friends but then after a couple relations with men and women I realized I just like looking at them but no touching.

If I knew that asexuality was an orientation earlier then perhaps I could have explained my lack of interest in seeing people nude or in suggestive positions, or touching throughout my life.

[justdifferent]

On 25/10/2015 at 10:55 AM, That asexual guy said:

I had a lot of people try to convince me I was gay just because I was so indifferent to women. Some of them to this day continue to tell me I'm gay even though I flat out say I'm asexual. One woman at work constantly comes to me to tell me about guys who are hot and waits for me to respond. I just sit there and stare at her.

Aren't these people really bullying you? I mean don't you get hurt and kind of wonder even more when people do this to you..? I know I do. But thats because I'm not sure about my sexuality I guess. 

[justdifferent]

On 31/10/2015 at 7:29 PM, That asexual guy said:

For some of us older guys, gay characters were portrayed in a very asexual way in the early days. They were usually just single men who didn't date women and were interested in other things. The mass portrayal of gay sexuality came later. If you were growing up in the early days it would be easy to relate to one of these gay characters, way more than now days, and you may have thought you could be gay.

I feel like I fit the description as a single guy not dating and interested in other things - like personal development, "career" and lots of other things. I'm questioning myself because I'm not so interested in a relationship that I care to actually date other than an older woman here and there. And when I do date these older women I get really really horny when texting etc, the "searching"-part but when we meet and talk too much I don't feel that horny any more. SO maybe I'm a bit ace. But I DO want a romantic relationship with a good, honest and beautiful girl - I'm just really afraid of it, afraid the relationship wont last etc. I'll definitely start reading a lot more in here. Thanks. Hmm - I appreciate any comment to this, what kind of identity-label you would give me based on this very limited info...

[That one guy]

I just realized like a month ago that I'm biplatonic aroace, but before that... well. I mean, after a while, I realized that when people said "crush", they meant more than wanting to be really good friends with them or wanting them to think you're cool. Then I realized I dont feel that for guys. So I'm gay, right? Several moths later, I realize I don't "like" girls either. eventually, I saw a video about being aroace, and it just clicked.

[That one guy]

I just realized like a month ago that I'm biplatonic aroace, but before that... well. I mean, after a while, I realized that when people said "crush", they meant more than wanting to be really good friends with them or wanting them to think you're cool. Then I realized I dont feel that for guys. So I'm gay, right? Several moths later, I realize I don't "like" girls either. eventually, I saw a video about being aroace, and it just clicked.

[chronicallypessimistic]

I used to think that I was bisexual, mainly because I found both men and women extremely aesthetically attractive and I mistook that form of attraction for romantic attraction. But nope. Turned out to be an oriented bi aroace with aesthetic attraction.

[Lilihierax]

On 4/10/2024 at 8:15 AM, That one guy said:

after a while, I realized that when people said "crush", they meant more than wanting to be really good friends with them or wanting them to think you're cool.

This.

 

2 hours ago, chronicallypessimistic said:

I used to think that I was bisexual, mainly because I found both men and women extremely aesthetically attractive and I mistook that form of attraction for romantic attraction. But nope. Turned out to be an oriented bi aroace with aesthetic attraction.

wow, this is exactly me!  Identified as bisexual for around 12 years, then I learned from a friend that 'sexual attraction' means you actually want to have sex with someone... not just thinking they're nice to look at.   Sounds obvious, but man, the shock that gave me.  Yada yada yada, turns out I've been ace and aro all along.