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Why is it hard for many people to find a relationship?


Anime Pancake

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I think that the most difficult factor is that there are so many possibilities out there. Nowadays, there are so many ways to live your life, job-wise, hobby-wise, idea-of-relationship-wise that it's very very hard to find a match. The number of factors that have to be matched has grown significantly and that's not only considering the "hard stuff" (marriage, sex, kids yes/no).

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  • 3 weeks later...

I think a lot of people have vastly unrealistic expectations...those checklists people make about ideal partners can get a little dangerous in the sense that no one is going to meet all your criteria. You really have to be flexible with other humans and willing to compromise. I think that's an important part of what makes love, well, love. You'd be willing to compromise some things for them. They should be willing to do the same for you.

But being ace does have the challenge of lacking a sex drive. If you're sex repulsed or unwilling to engage in it, I think it would be challenging to date a sexual person. I think I would feel guilty about keeping them "trapped" with me, who won't give them sex, when there's probably someone else that would. So that narrows the potential pool of people to others on the ace-spectrum, which can be hard to find since it's a rare sexuality. Online dating is probably your best chance, but asexual dating websites kind of suck.

I'm starting to think it's on us to create a better community for ourselves, tbh. Those resources aren't just going to pop up magically.

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I've never met any member of the opposite sex who'd be fine with a relationship that doesn't involve being sexual. I've had male friends but they've all dumped me as soon as they found a *real* girlfriend. I'd actually really like to find a gay guy to be best friends with but tons of women have that fantasy so even most of those guys are already taken.

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SorryNotSorry

There's also the pretty well-known fact that most people who say they want relationships don't have the foggiest idea what they want. They know they want something, but it's pretty vague.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Yuri Daisuki

Hmm, at least for homoromantic aces/ homosexuals and in conservative societies, I know some people don't dare to speak out for fear that they would disrupt the lives of the person that they like (since same sex couples are highly frowned upon).

There are also those who have very high expectations and so they remain single.

I also know some people who have short infatuation periods. For example, they might like this person a lot, but after a while (maybe after getting to know them) their passion dissipates. Another case is they treated their crushes as a goal to achieve (perhaps in terms of looks, grades etc), and once they reached the standards where their crushes are at, they become less interested.

Personally, I haven't met anyone that I'm compatible or at least, not met anyone whom I think I'm compatible with. Maybe my expectations are too high, but I definitely don't want to get in a relationship just to avoid the occasional moments of loneliness.

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I've never been in a relationship. I tend to have trouble finding a relationship because I don't go out socially. When I do come across people when I go out on my own, I'm not very talkative and am just socially nervous. I work at a job where I interact with people all day and I wasn't comfortable with it at first but I am now. I do notice that I don't do small talk very much, even with people that I see almost everyday (excluding co-workers). I recently have been going out with friends and have enjoyed that quite a bit but during those times, I am never focused on meeting other people and seeking a relationship. I would like to be in a relationship but it's difficult to find someone because I've settled on the fact that being in a relationship with a non-ace would not work for me but I have not come out to anyone in my life as asexual and I don't know how I would react if I had to explain it to a stranger since it hasn't come up before :/

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  • 6 months later...
NothingHereToSee
On 10/23/2015 at 6:25 PM, Flyaway4me said:

For me, it is difficult to find someone who

1) Respects my boundaries

 

So much yes to the problem of finding someone who's truly okay with respecting boundaries. Even ignoring the asexual issue, every relationship is a little different, and therefore each person's likes/dislikes are also different. I find it so telling when the men I've met don't seem to understand that women aren't some single monolithic interchangeable group, and that it's totally healthy to have boundaries. 

 

The last man I dated, before I realized I was asexual, was actually great in this respect. If I wasn't comfortable with something, he absolutely would back off and wouldn't whine about it and try to pressure me into something I didn't really want to do. Nor did I ever once worry that he'd "accidentally" forget where those boundaries were at any time. That relationship was disastrous in other ways, but I'm really glad that I got to experience that dynamic at least once in my life, if for nothing more than future reference.

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4 hours ago, Anime Pancake said:

starting this topic again

Why?

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Many people have totally different ideas of what a relationship is, and what are appropriate boundaries. It becomes a clash of ideas. Most aren't willing to compromise.

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That would vary greatly on who you ask. My trouble is keeping them not finding them. 

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