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¡¡!Immediately require some ADVICE!¡¡


WritingPen

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"I require some immediate advice from anyone here within the community. At the moment my parents, specifically my mother hasn't been handling my identity as an Asexuality well. I originally wanted to keep my Asexuality to myself, it wasn't any of their business. However I was absolutely fed up from being repeatedly called a Dyke and a Lesbian from the past couple of years. I came out saying I was Asexual and explained what it meant. It unfortunately made matters worse. She's freaking out, my mother is saying that she'll never be a grandmother, and that her daughter will never become a mother and saying that all men only want sex, so on and so forth. My mother hasn't stopped hysterically ranting about this for months. I cannot escape, I cannot runaway or flee to a friend house or to extended family. I'm stuck. So what do I do? Sometimes she yelling out in the living room for the whole household to hear or has barricaded herself in the bathroom loudly ranting there...I don't know what to do or to think. I wish I was normal sometimes, like a girl who wanted to be eagerly fucked by guys, unfortunately I'm not that type of person."



─ from WritingPen


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This is verbal abuse. Are you in high school, middle school, college? We need to know some more information about your current housing situation (age range as well) to really try to help you. We can only go off of the information you give us WritingPen

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That sounds like a terrible situation. I agree with Venomous Lips; a bit more info would help us help you.

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I was unable to finish high school because they wouldn't let me graduate due to being semi-autistic (+INTJ) (school board wouldn't allow it) so I left so now I'm on disability and cannot hold a job because of it. At the moment I'm staying at home attempting to take care of my mom and the household pets. I'm aware this is verbal abuse, and its getting exhausting. This has been going on for years, but in regards to the Asexuality subject has just recently happened. Due to taking care of my mom and the household, I'm unable to make friends or attempt to make friends due to my mom. I really don't know what to do...at the moment my mom is repeating the words: "I hate you, I hate you." on repeat.



─ from WritingPen


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While I do agree with @Kumo, this being verbal abuse, calling out what is happening to you isn't going to do much in the way of helping you. And while some say 'just leave', I think those here who have ever been in your position - an authority is being abusive and you have little to know way of stopping them - would disagree.

I know there's not a lot to do, but here are a few things that you might try:

1. Try to explain that demeaning males to nothing but sex-hungry mongrels is really unhealthy in itself. Try to explain that if she makes marriage out to be so 'necessary,' she might want to consider not demeaning men in such a way.

2. Try to find help centers near you. There are plenty of hotlines to call, but trying to plan a future for yourself outside of your family might help. They can help you learn how to hold down a job and other useful tips for life.

3. Financially and emotionally speaking, try to make yourself more independent. If you don't have a job, this can be more difficult yes, but it's better to be able to function on your own.

4. Try and find solace online or in the real world via a person outside your family. I understand that can be hard both with your semi-autism as well as your having to take care of your family, but having someone to talk to is healthier for you.

5. Find hobbies that make you happy. This may sound strange in the way of help, but taking your mind off your situation is, again, healthier for you.

I hope those help! I'm sorry about your situation, I wish there was some other way to help your situation.

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You're Ace, but what's your romantic orientation?

*sigh* Yah, alot of parents want their kids to have kids because it makes them feel immortal. It's stupid. You having kids is completely an individual's decision and everyone isn't capable of the many things it demands. Go to a youth homeless shelter. I think her reaction could resinate with some gay youth there. At the moment, just try to look at her behavior as venting from mortality denial; compensative actions that hold no truth.

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Check out local community resources as far as both services that could help you live independently, or where you could move into assisted living or a group home for people with disabilities. Some places do have them. And you could use them to find ways to socialize. You NEED to socialize. You must not let your mom stop you. Get out and go do things and meet people. It's hard, but it is important.

Step 1 to abusing someone is to cut off outside access, whether it be physical access to outside or emotional access to support networks.

Can your father provide you with any emotional support? Do you have aunts and uncles or other family who could support you? And I don't mean just by running to them but people who could intervene with your mom or help you make the connections you need to help resolve this?

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I wish I was normal sometimes, like a girl who wanted to be eagerly fucked by guys, unfortunately I'm not that type of person."

Honestly, I'm not seeing how this would solve your current problems.

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"My mom doesn't have any family, they basically cut all ties, and my father's extended family all live in one location, and we haven't t visited them in years, and it isn't just a simple drive, it is a 10 hour flight. I don't want to leave either to become homeless either, this isn't really a good place to become homeless, winter is just starting and its going to hit -40 soon. Plus we have pets, and they cannot survive on their own, due to them being Pomeranian, and two of them have major health problems...and would refuse to eat if I wasn't around, they would surly starve. In regards to socializing, I haven't talked to anyone in years...since I left high school. I don't know what to say."



─ from a very depressed WritingPen


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Are you in any danger? Have you tried explaining to her that lots of Asexuals have children and are in relationships? I'm not saying that you have to be one of them but would it get her to back off a bit?

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Have you tried looking into what counselling your community offers? A therapist might help you overcome your anxiety about dealing with other people. And get in touch with your mom's family. Try facebooking them or something. If they cut off contact it might be because they understand exactly what your mom is and may have advice. At worst they don't respond, which doesn't affect your situation.

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I am also an INTJ, but I don't connect that to any mental issues I possibly have. It's just how my personality evolved (due to, or not, the circumstances I have). If you can, I would recommend trying to at least get a GED online. Many areas will NOT let you get a job, without at least a high school diploma (or equivalent). This is just the reality of it all. With the job market getting insanely more competitive as the days go on (hell, people with PHDs can't get jobs, or whatever their terminal degree is within their field of choice).

Can you seek out a shelter within your local area? You might be able to file a case for domestic abuse (doesn't just have to be partner abuse to count as domestic abuse) with the police if you log everything your mother tells you. Since you do have a mental illness, cops typically treat these MUCH more serious, so you might have that on your side.

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