Aromantic, Phobia, or Something Else?

[Andromedae]

I apologize if this is the wrong section.
For about the past three years, I've labeled myself as asexual. And recently I've considered that I might be aromantic as well, or potentially gray-romantic. I've had 2 "girlfriends" in the past. However, we never got to the kissing stage because the idea always made me uncomfortable. I chalked it up to asexuality at the time - just hesitation. But now I'm wondering if it could be something more.
I met a girl about a month ago, and since then I have desperately wanted to ask her out. She ended up beating me to it. And now that the ice is broken, my affection and hope have just turned to panic and anxiety. It's been less than one day, but my whole body just feels locked up - frozen in a bind. Particularly so whenever I think about us kissing.

I love the idea of holding hands, hugging, cuddling, etc. But once I even think about kissing, my body goes into flight mode and I start feeling a combination of nausea and panic. I thought maybe this means I could be homoromantic. The idea of kissing another guy isn't exactly a pleasing one, though. It doesn't send me into a panic either, however. (Perhaps this is because I've never actually been in a situation where that was a realistic possibility, so my body doesn't really react to the idea as a result.) I'm starting to think this could be more than just an orientation - potentially a phobia of intimacy or something. I know no one here can make that determination for me, but I am just hoping I can hear others' experiences that might help me figure out if this amount of panic is normal or not. I know kissing isn't an easy thing for a lot of people, but I don't think it causes most people to feel like their body is shutting down at just the thought of it.

[Jea]

Just a hypothesis here--

perhaps you feel this panic with girls because you feel that society expects you to kiss them, you feel you have to want it, while with guys, this pressure is absent? Just a thought I had when I read your post.

Welcome to AVEN

[dissolved]

I used to have general crippling anxiety, and still do to an extent around certain people. When a situation went past kissing (which I'm fine with) I would panic and either bolt or shut down, completely oblivious to everything around me.

Someone once said to me, just because you have anxiety about something doesn't mean you don't want to do it. I thought they were completely right, and that my own ridiculous expectations were keeping me from doing what I wanted. Turns out this wasn't quite true (for me at least), and that anxiety is there for a reason - it can stop you from doing things you might later regret.

If you're uncomfortable with doing something to the point where you get anxious, don't do it. It's quite simple :D

[Miav-desu]

i dont think you ar nessesarry aromantic if you dont want to kiss. Some aromantics dont want to kiss and some does.

It may be that you simple dont like kissing and then thats it.

For me I can kiss and I can enjoy kissing, but since kissing can be very romantizised and full with expectations I somethimes get very unconfortable with people kisssing me, not the kiss itself but the underlying expectations of it. i heard many aro people having these type of feeling where they get very unconfortable with certain things if they are put in a romantic light or expectations but where they would not be unconfortable with then if exemple a friend did it to them.

Regardless of the reason its totally okay not wanting to kiss.

[Andromedae]

i dont think you ar nessesarry aromantic if you dont want to kiss. Some aromantics dont want to kiss and some does.

It may be that you simple dont like kissing and then thats it.

For me I can kiss and I can enjoy kissing, but since kissing can be very romantizised and full with expectations I somethimes get very unconfortable with people kisssing me, not the kiss itself but the underlying expectations of it. i heard many aro people having these type of feeling where they get very unconfortable with certain things if they are put in a romantic light or expectations but where they would not be unconfortable with then if exemple a friend did it to them.

Regardless of the reason its totally okay not wanting to kiss.

That's a good point. If I think of just a friend (regardless of gender) doing it, it's weird but not uncomfortable. But when I attach a romantic connotation, that's where the anxiety starts.

[Andromedae]

Just a hypothesis here--

perhaps you feel this panic with girls because you feel that society expects you to kiss them, you feel you have to want it, while with guys, this pressure is absent? Just a thought I had when I read your post.

Welcome to AVEN

Thanks for the cake! Omnomnom

Not so sure that's the reason. It's an interesting analysis, but I don't really feel pressured to do so or anything. It's just that the thought of it gives me a mini panic attack. I really have no idea why.

[Andromedae]

I used to have general crippling anxiety, and still do to an extent around certain people. When a situation went past kissing (which I'm fine with) I would panic and either bolt or shut down, completely oblivious to everything around me.

Someone once said to me, just because you have anxiety about something doesn't mean you don't want to do it. I thought they were completely right, and that my own ridiculous expectations were keeping me from doing what I wanted. Turns out this wasn't quite true (for me at least), and that anxiety is there for a reason - it can stop you from doing things you might later regret.

If you're uncomfortable with doing something to the point where you get anxious, don't do it. It's quite simple :D

Oops didn't mean to make three posts... Sorry haven't figured out formatting on this forum yet. . .

Honestly that's a good code to go by. I just always feel like I'm letting my partner down in that sense, though, since they may very well want to kiss (or even eventually engage in sex, which I don't think I care for and personally find somewhat offputting.)