Have you ever wanted to start a family-like community of friends?

[Ix Phoen]

This is one of my big dreams, actually. As I posted elsewhere:

I'm geared for close emotional and intellectual relationships, though. Can't imagine spending my life alone. Right now I'm aiming toward combining households with a best friend or two, though I also want to travel and see the world once the teens have flown. Sharing life with understanding equals (not just anyone) makes it richer, from my experience.

I wish local social constructs and culture encouraged more forms of "family" instead of making it virtually impossible for people to create close-knit, carefully-chosen communities.

The friends I want to live with are international, so it's going to be a while before we can do this together. It's going to take planning.... I wonder sometimes if it will ever happen, or if I'm just making myself feel better with wishful thinking. On the other hand, I know very well that if I see even the tiniest opportunity that might make this more possible I'd jump on it. Without the intention, I'd miss it.

So, I'm curious about you all.

Have you done this? What worked? What didn't work?

Have you been secretly designing the perfect community in your head for years? Here's your chance to share your ideas. I'd love to hear them.

[.,.]

YES! I want to do that. I have at least one friend who I've planned something with. On the second day of our friendship back in 2013, we made a deal that goes along the lines of: if we were both 30 and "fucked" we would just marry each other. Now the marriage part of it, might skip that, I'm not religious, but she's one of my best friend in the world and even if she's not out as an asexual she's got a really low sex drive. Getting more people to participate in this collective is what's left, but it's a foreign concept to most, and all the people need to fit together. So becoming more than two would be very difficult, but even if we're just two that would be great - and we have talked about moving in together, specifically, in the past. So is it looking good? Impossible to say!

Anyway she's, as with your friends, international, foreign to me, so gotta wait and see what happens after university/college is completed.

[Desmister]

Yes! I've always wanted that. My best friend and I have discussed moving in together multiple times. At one point she made a joke that we'd probably end up married because she thinks we're perfect for each other. I'm definitely not a fan of marriage but I appreciate that she thinks that way about our friendship. All that's left is to somehow get more people in on this. I'd love to have a big family-like group of friends. Although if that doesn't end up happening then I'm perfectly content to just share my life with my best friend.

[Stephme]

I did this already, ended when my girlfriend left me and they all left me as well. Which isn't my biggest problem, this group was becoming too big anyway.

[allrightalready]

actually working on building a commune at the moment, gathering people and equipment and we will set out next june. one problem i have run into is finding the right people with similar enough ideals

[Jea]

YES oh wow I've wanted to see this post for ages :3

No but seriously, it was my dream when I was about...12? 13? I didn't have a clue that I was asexual/aromantic. That others wouldn't think that way. But I used to imagine this circular room with a large table in the middle, a kitchen, everything. And attached to it, would be many rooms, one for each person. And I imagined living there with my squishes, doing things together, talking, laughing, working. A real community, independent from the outside world, with our own principles.

I actually forgot about that until one or two weeks ago, when I realized that I wanted close friends in my life, but wanted to be independent anyway. I knew that I was aro, but I realized that I needed the people I love somewhere close. (I'm 20 now.)

It's just a dream though, the people I love have their families, I can't just kidnap them :p

But even knowing that it won't happen doesn't make me unhappy. I'm happy about the idea, and imagining it all again as I did when I was a child makes me very happy

[Autumn Season]

When I was a teen my bff and I wrote a story together about a bunch of unrelated kids who all got adopted into the same family and lived together in a huge house, everyone having quite diverse personalities, pasts and looks.

She once said that she would love to live in a community with her older brother and me.

And yeah, I mostly like the idea. I would need my own room. Other than that count me in. ^^ I once lived abroad in a residential home from university and my friends and I would see each other regularly, go to eat together, go sightseeing together and so on. It was a bit stressful to always be surrounded by people, but since I liked them all, life was also satisfying.

[Ix Phoen]

I spent a significant portion of my early life living in a dorm, so it isn't much of a stretch to imagine a group of people sharing daily life on a regular basis.

actually working on building a commune at the moment, gathering people and equipment and we will set out next june. one problem i have run into is finding the right people with similar enough ideals

You're right. Sharing ideals is important. There has to be at least one very strong element of shared goals for this to work. And I think it takes the maturity to allow others to have their independent side-tracks so long as they aren't trying to pull everyone else onto their course with them.

I used to imagine this circular room with a large table in the middle, a kitchen, everything. And attached to it, would be many rooms, one for each person. And I imagined living there with my squishes, doing things together, talking, laughing, working. A real community, independent from the outside world, with our own principles.

I love the mythological element in the "round table" you envision. I've thought of individual rooms in a large building, or small cottages on a natural property with a shared kitchen and lounge.

I love the idea of a core group that maintains a space that others may visit and join temporarily. It allows the community to remain fresh and integrate new ideas without the instability that comes from "everyone" leaving all the time.

[Ix Phoen]

I did this already, ended when my girlfriend left me and they all left me as well. Which isn't my biggest problem, this group was becoming too big anyway.

I'm sorry you feel abandoned, in a way. That's hard.

One element people forget to build into community is "flexibility" because things are definitely going to change, no matter how much we wish they wouldn't. I hope you're able to find that sort of stability again, hopefully with a more lasting anchor to hold you together.

[The_Halfmoon]

nope, I enjoy solitude A LOT

[Anyina]

Yeah, this is kind of my idea of a family: people who actually choose to be together and share their life. For me, it wouldn't work if it were a big group, though (and when I say big, I mean more than just two or three people). I even have an agreement with one of my closest friends that we would move in together if things don't work out for us separately in the "relationships" department (she's heterosexual and I think would probably want to have a traditional family too). We have discussed it several times and it even came up that even if one of us found a significant other and/or started a traditional family, the other should at the very least move next door, because we truly are like family (including the "I see you so often I'm actually sick of you at times" part xD). I honestly hope this works out somehow: I don't really know where I fall in the romantic expectrum, but I do know that, much as I love and enjoy solitude, I wouldn't like to live my whole life alone.

Dreaming is free, right? =)

[Autumn Sunrise]

I guess it's not quite the kind of community you had in mind, Karenee, but I live with my daughter and son, in a house we designed for ourselves, on land that we're working to turn into a (reasonably ) self-sufficient smallholding. Since we came to live here, we've learned some important things that I think are worth sharing.

About ourselves:

• Although we all love each other, and are good friends, it's become obvious that each of us needs some regular time and space to be alone, so this needs to be allowed for, both in the design of the living space and in the way we plan our day-to-day activities. This includes the fact that sometimes one of us will prefer to work on our own, and that's OK.
• It's really important to work out how to discuss problems/grievances constructively, without giving or taking offence. And never to be afraid of saying "I love you" and/or giving a hug when it's needed (or just "because" :) )
• No matter how well you think you know someone there are unwelcome little surprises now and then. That's just life!

About what we've set out to do:

• Because we're people who basically work with our brains rather than our hands, we're quite short on practical, manual skills, and a bit scared of tools and machinery (especially me :lol: ) You have to be prepared for a steep learning curve, and for making mistakes (lots of them :lol: )
• If you can manage to laugh over your mistakes, it's better than crying.
• 7 acres is a LOT OF LAND when the ground is hard, the soil is poor and you're trying to create gardens, orchard, etc with your bare hands. We probably took on too much at first, and now we're trying to get things under control. We found that we need to be very adaptable.
• Sometimes it's worth while paying for a job to be done properly (if you can afford it, of course!)

Having said all of that, we're very happy here, and we enjoy what we're achieving, even if we DO get frustrated or disheartened at times. It's a great place, with fresh, clear air and beautiful views, and we just love being here :)

[Ix Phoen]

• Although we all love each other, and are good friends, it's become obvious that each of us needs some regular time and space to be alone, so this needs to be allowed for, both in the design of the living space and in the way we plan our day-to-day activities. This includes the fact that sometimes one of us will prefer to work on our own, and that's OK.
• It's really important to work out how to discuss problems/grievances constructively, without giving or taking offence. And never to be afraid of saying "I love you" and/or giving a hug when it's needed (or just "because" :) )
• No matter how well you think you know someone there are unwelcome little surprises now and then. That's just life!

That's beautiful, GW! I love the idea of land, but I'd need to be teamed up with people who really enjoy taking care of it. My idea of enjoying the outdoors is reading a book in a tree or hiking with my camera.

I think the "time and space to be alone" is key for many people. I'm not certain I'll ever want to constantly share every room in the house again, though I'm willing to share "my space" (art studio or bedroom) on occasion. It's more fun for being temporary. I need a place to retreat to and put up a sign saying, "Don't bother me right now." But I want there to be a place I can go to "be close to everyone" too.

I wonder if among aces this is widely felt to be a necessary element?

My ideal core group would probably be five or less, though when I lived in the high school dorm there were sometimes up to twenty of us and it was mostly okay.

I've got three teenage kids at home right now, so I know this many in a household can work even when they're not on the same page aside from being family. We give each other a lot of space, and it helps. But oh, for mutual interests and adult companionship!

I've thought managing (the learning, creative activity, and relaxation part of) a retreat center of some sort (with a team) might be fun, though. I love meeting people and getting to know them, as long as I can rest for a bit in between.

[Krista]

Yes, although I really have no clue how to make something like this actually happen. I like hearing about everyone's ideas and experiences though! I don't like feeling like my options are just to live alone or get married.

[vervain]

I think the "time and space to be alone" is key for many people. I'm not certain I'll ever want to constantly share every room in the house again, though I'm willing to share "my space" (art studio or bedroom) on occasion. It's more fun for being temporary. I need a place to retreat to and put up a sign saying, "Don't bother me right now." But I want there to be a place I can go to "be close to everyone" too.

Karenee > This sounds really appealing. I like the idea of having a designated space to be together as well as a designated space to be alone, it seems clearer somehow.

I'd love to have a set-up like this with my two best friends. But at least two of us have very strong emotional ties to places far apart. There would be terrible compromise and sacrifice involved in uprooting and I'm not sure that would be conducive to a happy and lasting arrangement.

Autumn > that's really inspiring

[WoodwindWhistler]

Yes, for me this blends for a subtle longing for a hippy commune type place. I read a book called Acts of Faith about a Muslim discussing how to undermine the extremist part of his culture, and he talked about a charity he was involved in that had people living in close proximity in houses to each other, and how that community felt.

There's also the blogger "The Thinking Asexual" who hammered the concept of "Nonsexual polyamory." That would be wonderful to have people I was close to that already had their sexual needs met.

I have a QPR with a transwoman at the moment, and I've seriously brought up the possibility of us buying a house together, and since there are plenty of college students around, we'll probably have the opportunity to invite other people to live with us. She may not stay here for that long, though. Of course, eventually I'd like to adopt kids even if by myself.

I've played with another idea, since I'm in the conservative South, that I might just gradually attach myself to an existing married couple and offer to do chores, childcare, etc, while working part time. We have a fairly robust homeschooling community here, and I'd love to get involved in that, and/or provide supplement learning for kids I looked after.

I have another vague plan to follow my brother to college, too. He and I are very close.

• 7 acres is a LOT OF LAND when the ground is hard, the soil is poor and you're trying to create gardens, orchard, etc with your bare hands. We probably took on too much at first, and now we're trying to get things under control. We found that we need to be very adaptable.

I don't know if this would be helpful to you, but an easy start when you have poor quality soil and you don't have a lot of money to amend to all it is "Square Foot Gardening," where you essentially mix your own soil in raised beds and plant small quantities designed to rotate all year. You could save up the fresh seeds and have enough for larger crops later.

[Ix Phoen]

Yes, for me this blends for a subtle longing for a hippy commune type place. I read a book called Acts of Faith about a Muslim discussing how to undermine the extremist part of his culture, and he talked about a charity he was involved in that had people living in close proximity in houses to each other, and how that community felt.

There's also the blogger "The Thinking Asexual" who hammered the concept of "Nonsexual polyamory." That would be wonderful to have people I was close to that already had their sexual needs met.

I've played with another idea, since I'm in the conservative South, that I might just gradually attach myself to an existing married couple and offer to do chores, childcare, etc, while working part time. We have a fairly robust homeschooling community here, and I'd love to get involved in that, and/or provide supplement learning for kids I looked after.

I like the idea of nonsexual polyamory and living with people who have their sexual needs met elsewhere. I also like the idea of a commune as a stable community within which to root my personal, core relationships. There are so many layers of closeness. Even a general community of people who actually want to talk to each other would be an amazing treasure to me!

I deeply dislike my current situation, where merely knowing the neighbors is an act of determined stalking. I've had only a few very brief conversations with them, and they seem unable to contribute to the sorts of relationship-building conversation I'd like to have. I've basically given up. Stalking people isn't my thing. It feels disrespectful. I'd rather stick to the friends who actually want to know me, instead of feeling like I'm pressuring someone with every attempted gesture of kindness, just because our houses happen to be next to each other.

For myself, there is an emotional need for a person/people who is/are "my partner/s" whatever unique combination I end up finding. I wouldn't be comfortable as a "third wheel", never quite as prioritized in the relationship as someone else, and treated as a fall-back when the primary relationship isn't enough. But in a small group of compatible equals--with different strengths and relational skills, where everyone trusts the person who happens to be best at something when that strength is needed and takes responsibility to support each other in their own unique ways--I can see it being a very comfortable and healthy arrangement.

Your idea of supporting a couple and helping with the household is one that many families would absolutely love. I'd imagine it's pretty rare for anyone to actively look for someone like that, even if they secretly dream of having a third adult partnering with them in caring for the family.

.... If they treat you like close family and part of the adult team that manages the household, and make sure to care for your happiness ... well, I'm curious how that would work out in real life. I wouldn't want to be anything less than an equal partner. Having little to no say in the "rules of the house" would make me feel like I'd reverted back to childhood, only with more responsibility. *grin*

Your interest in children is awesome. I'm done with "being responsible for kids" once mine are grown. I'll welcome responsible college students and independent teens who need support into my household until they're ready to launch their own lives, but I'm not going to "be the parent" again. I always admire people like you who can handle traditional children with patience. It took me years to accept that I really only get along with young ones who are basically miniature adults, waiting for the world to figure out how to interact with them at that level.

Even my own parents go into shock when I treat my kids like grownups in training and not ... whatever everyone else thinks they are. Heh! They have to figure out how to maintain their own lives. If I do it for them or stand over them like an enforcer, then they just learn how to rely on me for motivation and everything, instead of figuring out their own way of doing it for themselves. I'm the backup system, not the primary engine in their lives.

And that's how I think of community in general. Everyone is responsible for themselves, and their needs. If they can't handle something, they're responsible for asking for help from someone who has that capability. And what makes a community great is when everyone is aware and appreciative of their strengths (and eager to contribute them) without feeling obligated to do so "all the time".

[WoodwindWhistler]

(1) I deeply dislike my current situation, where merely knowing the neighbors is an act of determined stalking. I've had only a few very brief conversations with them, and they seem unable to contribute to the sorts of relationship-building conversation I'd like to have. I've basically given up. Stalking people isn't my thing. It feels disrespectful. I'd rather stick to the friends who actually want to know me, instead of feeling like I'm pressuring someone with every attempted gesture of kindness, just because our houses happen to be next to each other.

(2) Your idea of supporting a couple and helping with the household is one that many families would absolutely love. I'd imagine it's pretty rare for anyone to actively look for someone like that, even if they secretly dream of having a third adult partnering with them in caring for the family.

.... If they treat you like close family and part of the adult team that manages the household, and make sure to care for your happiness ... well, I'm curious how that would work out in real life. I wouldn't want to be anything less than an equal partner. Having little to no say in the "rules of the house" would make me feel like I'd reverted back to childhood, only with more responsibility. *grin*

(3) I always admire people like you who can handle traditional children with patience. It took me years to accept that I really only get along with young ones who are basically miniature adults, waiting for the world to figure out how to interact with them at that level.

(4) If I do it for them or stand over them like an enforcer, then they just learn how to rely on me for motivation and everything, instead of figuring out their own way of doing it for themselves. I'm the backup system, not the primary engine in their lives.

(1) O_o What the what? My breadwinner mother is old fashioned in at least one way, she always has brownies ready for new people who move in. Modern society has gone so far downhill in terms of sociability. It's scary. There used to be a time when neighbors were practically backup parents (and unfortunately that included things like having permission to spank kids, too). Is it because we have an illusion of self-sufficiency because we cannot see the network of people that goes into our everyday survival? (i.e., trade and barter used to be more widespread) Is it our increased mobility to interact with strangers where before we would have grown up surrounded by childhood friends? Has the media made us more afraid of each other? Is it tech? Has our individualism run hog wild over community? Are children a type of social glue that binds people together, and by choosing to have less of them we are dissolving those bonds? So many possibilities . . .

(2) I don't know if they secretly dream of it, tbh. With decreased sociability usually comes decreased desire for other people to be 'in' your life. But I know that plenty of babysitters pretty much become part of the family. I however, am wary of simply being a private 'employee' and want to cultivate a relationship with the adults beforehand if possible. Godmother is increasingly becoming an intriguing position to be in. On the other hand, I am, as far as I can tell, fine with not being seen as equivalent or platonic equal to a romantic partner (probably the aro part of me) because, well, I can't explain exactly why. I am an introvert, and I've enjoyed being sole confidant of some other shy people, and I do sometimes feel a twinge when someone has a large social circle that I am unsure of my position in. But the point is, I manage my own life. If I am not getting companionship in one place, I will fill that need somewhere else. (haha like the ace form of cheating) I am also, surprisingly, ok at least with the idea of living by someone elses' rules. In practice it may be different. As an older sibling by 6 and 8 years, I am used to this position of having semi-authority. And this might simply be a desire to continue my current type of arrangement. XD

(3) Honestly I do not have too much experience with children yet. The times I've babysitted, I've had this vague desire to have a "lesson plan" or a specific structured game to play. I, probably like you, think children have much more potential for learning than we give them credit for, and specifically I want to know if I can inspire autodidacticism. We need more of those! I think, for any older foster children I take in, I will have pretty detailed guidelines, but I intend to explain them instead of simply expect them to be followed. There's so much wrong with this consumerist world, and I wonder if and hope that I can adequately explain that to my charges who will be growing up in the thick of it.

-_-

(4) Honestly, I wish my mother had been a bit more like you. I love her dearly, but I think my total meltdown when I went to college was because she held my hand too much. I hope I can carry forward her whip smart brain and kindness, but tinker with this aspect of her parenting.

[Ix Phoen]

(1) Modern society has gone so far downhill in terms of sociability. It's scary. There used to be a time when neighbors were practically backup parents (and unfortunately that included things like having permission to spank kids, too). Is it because we have an illusion of self-sufficiency because we cannot see the network of people that goes into our everyday survival? (i.e., trade and barter used to be more widespread) Is it our increased mobility to interact with strangers where before we would have grown up surrounded by childhood friends? Has the media made us more afraid of each other? Is it tech? Has our individualism run hog wild over community? Are children a type of social glue that binds people together, and by choosing to have less of them we are dissolving those bonds? So many possibilities . . .

(2) I however, am wary of simply being a private 'employee' and want to cultivate a relationship with the adults beforehand if possible. Godmother is increasingly becoming an intriguing position to be in.

(3) I want to know if I can inspire autodidacticism. We need more of those!

(4) Honestly, I wish my mother had been a bit more like you. I love her dearly, but I think my total meltdown when I went to college was because she held my hand too much. I hope I can carry forward her whip smart brain and kindness, but tinker with this aspect of her parenting.

1) Hmm. I think modern society has a lot going for it. Awareness would solve most of this problem, as well as recognizing that the old ways aren't going to work in this new interconnected world. We do need to transition to more conscious community now that it's somewhat optional instead of vital to daily survival. And that will take forward thinkers who are willing to experiment and demonstrate results in action.

There was a time when you couldn't buy milk without visiting the farmer. Our culture simply wasn't prepared for this rapid shift, and so had no backup to compensate for the loss of community-based interactions. Part of the problems is the culture where i live as well. I depend on the friends I have found elsewhere, including those who live locally in other sections of town. It's more work to meet up, but we take care of each other.

2) I think, as you mature and grow used to your freedom, you will likely change your opinions. That will take experience. Just don't resign yourself. If you change, allow yourself to recognize that in yourself without expecting others to change along with you. "Godmother" does sound like the correct term for what you are looking for. I like it.

3) From what I understand, it comes with freedom to explore and wisely set challenges that match the child's interest. I hope you can manage it, too. My own children are incredibly intelligent about everything they care to know. They also hate school and would skip every class if I let them. We negotiate. I expect them to learn endurance and follow-through on difficult tasks by attending and completing their work, and they are free to study and do anything they want once they have done the basics needed to get through school. I don't care too much about grades, just that they graduate, and they know very well that bad grades may result in enforcing the need for alternate paths to success, of which there are many. I'm not too worried. They're brilliant kids, and I think their skills are widely applicable.

4) Oh, goodness. I often worry that I'm giving them too much freedom and that they'll never learn responsibility with me being so flexible with them, so it feels like there is a risk either way. In the end, it is your, their, and my responsibility to own our schedules, habits, and energy. Nobody else can do it for us.

And, really, it is that space to choose for yourself that makes community so complex. People don't have the same standards or expectations from each other or life, and it takes a lot of respect and appreciation of what does exist to make up for what often stands out as oh, so very missing.

[Hannah221B]

I think about this all the time! It's so great to see all of your perspectives. (I actually brought this up in class the other day, it turned into a great discussion!)

[WoodwindWhistler]

I think about this all the time! It's so great to see all of your perspectives. (I actually brought this up in class the other day, it turned into a great discussion!)

Awesome! Can you share any highlights with us?

[Fire Monkey]

My experience with the "forming your own community" phenomenon has been very positive, but such communities are by their nature, ephemeral. In my old neighborhood, there was a group of "dog moms" that formed at a local park in the early evening. We supported one member through a divorce, one through a very turbulent emotional time, one through an international adoption. And of course, as our dogs aged and passed, we all grieved together. We were all very different personalities and could never have lived communally, but our dogs provided the common focus that allowed us to take care of each other when it was necessary.

Here on my rural, remote Pacific island, such relationships are essential and, indeed, part of the island culture. We have our hula sisters, our paddling sisters, our extended church ohana. Some of those relationships are organic, some are intentional. On those occasions when the coconut wireless reports that Something Terrible Has Happened, sisters start showing up with a loaf of banana bread and put the kettle on. You will not be left alone.

ETA: I should also say that I have recently joined another community--of a different sort, really-but positive nonetheless. A local elementary school teacher runs a strings class for kids, and through grants and hustling, provides instruments on loan to anyone who can't afford to own one. The class is also open to the community, so in amongst the rows of first graders are aunties and uncles who are also learning to play "Twinkle" and getting to know their young classmates. It is a wonderful thing to behold.

[Autumn Sunrise]

You seem to have some wonderful, enriching and supportive communal experiences, Fire Monkey . . . and that string class sounds awesome :D

[WoodwindWhistler]

A local elementary school teacher runs a strings class for kids, and through grants and hustling, provides instruments on loan to anyone who can't afford to own one. The class is also open to the community, so in amongst the rows of first graders are aunties and uncles who are also learning to play "Twinkle" and getting to know their young classmates. It is a wonderful thing to behold.

Oh man, here come the feels. I was in a concert band at college that was open to the community and seasoned players, too. (And if you've ever seen the stories about nursing homes combined with preschoolers, well, that just makes your heart burst).

I've always liked the idea of everyone having a group of musicians they go to regularly, whether to noodle around, improv, practice, or listen. Music is such a great gatherer of people. You could have a writer, a composer, a mix of classical and "usual" instruments, or anything. I have a ukelele group I go to, and we sing popular music. While the music isn't all that great, singing with 16+ people and not worrying about technical precision or not being boisterous like in choir (though that's fun in its own way, too) is wonderful. I want to listen in on a recorder ensemble's practices that recently formed, and there's an ethnomusicology club I need to look up.

[lapat67]

I guess it's not quite the kind of community you had in mind, Karenee, but I live with my daughter and son, in a house we designed for ourselves, on land that we're working to turn into a (reasonably ) self-sufficient smallholding. Since we came to live here, we've learned some important things that I think are worth sharing.

About ourselves:

• Although we all love each other, and are good friends, it's become obvious that each of us needs some regular time and space to be alone, so this needs to be allowed for, both in the design of the living space and in the way we plan our day-to-day activities. This includes the fact that sometimes one of us will prefer to work on our own, and that's OK.
• It's really important to work out how to discuss problems/grievances constructively, without giving or taking offence. And never to be afraid of saying "I love you" and/or giving a hug when it's needed (or just "because" :) )
• No matter how well you think you know someone there are unwelcome little surprises now and then. That's just life!

About what we've set out to do:

• Because we're people who basically work with our brains rather than our hands, we're quite short on practical, manual skills, and a bit scared of tools and machinery (especially me :lol: ) You have to be prepared for a steep learning curve, and for making mistakes (lots of them :lol: )
• If you can manage to laugh over your mistakes, it's better than crying.
• 7 acres is a LOT OF LAND when the ground is hard, the soil is poor and you're trying to create gardens, orchard, etc with your bare hands. We probably took on too much at first, and now we're trying to get things under control. We found that we need to be very adaptable.
• Sometimes it's worth while paying for a job to be done properly (if you can afford it, of course!)

Having said all of that, we're very happy here, and we enjoy what we're achieving, even if we DO get frustrated or disheartened at times. It's a great place, with fresh, clear air and beautiful views, and we just love being here :)

If I wasn't at the other end of the Earth from Australia I would have liked to be your live-in gardener.

[MsE]

Yes!

I'm currently freaking out about growing old alone, and I definitely don't want that. I enjoy solitude, but I certainly don't want to grow old alone. Wrong side of 50 over here, so the thought crosses my mind a lot.

[Vee78]

Similar situation here too. People think I'm younger than I am. I've thought about having a relationship. I've tried meeting a man online. I've had some interest but I recently figured out I've always had problems in trying to get to know a potential partner because I was worried about what to do when they eventually wanted sex. My family is not close. We don't even live in the same country. I've been active all my life but recently I started thinking about what the future might be. It's kind so scary. Anyway, at least I've figured out that I want a relationship, I just don't want the sex. I never met a man who didn't want sex. I live in hope.

[Cove]

I think one of the main reasons I want a romantic partner in my life is to have that sense of family. When I was married we were a family. It's always, always frustrated me when people say "they're going to start a family" or whatnot. Kids don't spontaneously create a family. In a vast majority of cases, you're already a family at that point! I never had kids and I never want them, and I don't think that negates my ability to be part of a family. I don't like my current family and I liked my in-laws a lot better. But that's mostly gone now that I'm divorced. (I stay in loose contact with my father-in-law. I still call him that too.)

Even still though, for awhile now I've had this fantasy of being able to move in with my best friend and her boyfriend down a state south. I'm not able to financially stand on my own two feet right now so I know it wouldn't work at the moment, but if I had a chance I would jump on it so fast. I don't know her boyfriend very well but the times I've met him he seems cool. I love my best friend though. She's awesome and one of my lifelines (in terms of a support system).

I want a family that I pick for myself. Family in my opinion is chosen, not something dictated by who your parents are. And I would really love to be in a family someday.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I want this so much, but I'm almost certain it'll never happen. I don't think I'll ever even be able to afford to rent one of the crappy council houses round here.

[RK800]

I've been imagining something like that for a long time. It just sounds so lovely.