Anyone depressed that they're Asexual?

[Guest]

I realised about 2 years ago that I'm asexual and got even more depressed than i already am. I realised that's why I've never liked the guys in my school when every other girl did. I'm almost 23 now and have only ever had one real "crush" on someone for the past 9 months who has a girlfriend and is way out of my league. I've been asked out by almost 4 guys this year, first time it's ever happened. These guys are nice but there's nothing there and i feel if i were a normal sexual female) that i'd date at least one of them. I feel there's no point because most guys want and expect sex so i don't even bother going on dates. Hypothetically if my crush liked me and wasn't dating i still don't think i'd go out with him because i don't want to embarrass myself or disappoint him. i REALLY hate being asexual, it's such a burden. I feel disabled. :(

Sorry for rambling, first time on this website.

[somethingrandom]

I understand how you feel because I don't like it either sometimes, and I understand how you feel there's no point in even bothering to go on dates in the first place but if you're being asked out and they seem like nice guys then why not just go on a date with them? You might find that you could be demi and so there's no attraction there at first. If you want a relationship (which it sounds like you do from how much you dislike being asexual) then go on the dates if you get asked out - yes most guys probably think there will be sex involved but you're not going to have to do that after one date so don't worry about that yet! If you feel a relationship is growing then that would be the time to tell them - you don't have to dismiss someone just because you're asexual and you presume they will definitely want sex.

I don't like being asexual either sometimes but you aren't disabled - it's just another sexual orientation. Would you say you feel disabled if you were homosexual? No because it's just another orientation. Don't hate yourself for being who you are, just try to figure out the best option for you in terms of relationships and what you want from life.

Hope this helps and feel free to message me if you want to talk :)

[Minakie]

Welcome to AVEN!

I've always known I was asexual, way before I knew there was a name for it. And it was fine. Until I fell in love.

Being in love is amazing, especially because the guy I like also loves me. But there's a catch. I'm a very romantic person, I'd like to be able to hug and kiss and hold hands with him... but we can't... 'cause we live in different countries. So we're stuck on having a queerplatonic relationship right now. And it's very... mentally exhausting... because I spend half of the time happy and grateful for what I have with him and the other half worrying. About everything.

What if we didn't live in different countries? Would things stay the same? He knows I'm asexual, but would he be willing to compromise with not having sex? And what could I compromise with in return? We're on the same page about marriage (we both came from catholic families, but none of us is catholic so we don't disapprove the concept of marriage but we're not into church marriage), at least that. One less thing for me to worry about. But what about kids? He wants kids, I don't. I'm fine with adoption but not with having "my own" children, which is what he desires. And then I start thinking that it's my fault for being broken, that if we could actually meet in person and have a relationship he'd eventually trade me for someone "normal".

And then I worry that we'll never be able to be together. And that I'll never be able to find anyone else that will make me feel this way. And that, as a consequence, I'll spend the rest of my life alone. So cliche :D

So lately I feel like I always have this dark cloud over my head I keep having to try to push aside. It's very confusing for me to be in AVEN feeling that everything is A-OK and then still wanting to be normal, especially after all the time I spent figuring out who I was and accepting me for it. I never had such issues before I was in love, but now I feel like I'm a bit too desperate not to lose his love for me, while at the same time wanting him to find someone else that can make him happy for me since we're too far away and there's things I can't do (like cook for him, which I would absolutely love doing). And then I blame myself for even thinking such things. If he met someone else I'm pretty sure I'd have mixed feelings of feeling happy for him but super jealous of the other girl for not being able to be her.

Being asexual used to be A-OK. Now it's just an emotional roller-coaster. I know it's because I used to have 0 self-esteem and a major depression and I'm still slowly getting back on my feet, and that I should just enjoy his company and stop worrying about things I can't control. I know all that. In theory. But the thing is, knowing it and being able to silence the negative voices in my head are two different things. But I'm working on that. One day at the time.

But it's not all bad things. It's also the best thing that has ever happened to me. Quoting myself from another thread:

You can see the flaws in the other person and still love them despite of them. You also find yourself being a better version of yourself and wanting to be even better, so that you can give the best of you to the other person.

I mostly worry when I am not busy with anything, especially at night when I go to bed and have nothing to do other than think nonsense. But when he's online and we're doing something together, I don't even worry about a thing. It doesn't matter if we're playing an MMO together, or watching a movie, or just talking about something, I feel happy and in peace, as if all my troubles fade away. And I love talking to him. I was never interested in knowing things about other people, like all my friends would want to know everyone's favorite color and favorite book and favorite dish... and I just wouldn't get it. To me it felt like a police questioning especially since most of the time I had a hard time thinking of a favorite anything. And I wouldn't mind knowing such things about him, just not as police questioning, I like to get to know him casually, when such topics are brought up on the conversation. And I also like to know the things he likes or not, what his dreams/goals are and what he fears in life. It makes me feel closer to him and the more I know about him the more I feel like I love him and am not afraid to. But this is still all new to me, I'm not really used to keeping long conversations with people and sometimes I feel like I want to know more or talk about something else but I don't really know what to ask xD

He makes me happy like I never was before. And I hope that, in the mess of my own madness, he knows at least that. If someday this all ends I'll be sad. I'll miss it. But for how he makes me feel, it would all have been worth it. "It's better to love and then lost than to never have loved at all" has finally started to make sense to me.

edit: Man, I should've vented about this like way sooner. I feel so much better now, like I've had some kind of closure

[Guest]

I don't want to go on dates because i'm hoping this guy I'm interested in leaves his current girlfriend, which i know sounds horrible. There are some signs that he likes me and if it were ever possible he'd be the only guy i'd ever want to date. (I'd never do anything to jeopardize his relationship by the way!) If he were to marry this woman i'd start looking else where but he's only been with her for a few months so i don't see it as being a solid thing yet.

I don't want to date the other guys because i'm not romantically interested in them, i like them as friends but i know they like me more than that.

I don't think ill ever be happy with being asexual, i feel like it's ruined my life. I wouldn't feel disabled if i were homosexual, bisexual, transgender etc because they all enjoy sex. I mean i am a bisexual asexual (if that's a thing)

I was born with depression so to have this on top just makes things worse. I just feel when there's nothing left i can fail at, another thing comes along.

[Guest]

Thanks SomethingRandom, i can totally understand as the man i'm currently in love with and have been for roughly 9-10 months is dating someone else at the moment and it kills me. I've never had a partner or been in love but i wish he was mine, lol. I sometimes get these mixed signals from him especially when there aren't many people around he's more himself, i've caught catch him staring at me in a room full of people which gives me butterflies!. I know he's not the type to cheat, he's really nice and down to earth which is why i he keeps his distance so it doesn't look like he's always around me. I sound so creepy right now but really it isn't like that, haha!

I'd love to have kids, even if it means tolerating sex. I don't think i could have a long distance relationship as i want someone physical as you said for hugging/kissing going out to dinner/movies going on holidays and doing adventurous stuff etc

[Jea]

I'd like to start this by saying that I can't fully understand the struggle because I am aromantic. However, I'd like to add my imput.

On AVEN, I have seen a lot of sexual people posting, asking for advice because their asexual partner was feeling guilty. They, as sexual people, were in love with an asexual and didn't care about their partner's asexuality, and they weren't sure how to tell their partner that. Those couples seemed very happy to me.

I have also met an asexual girl who has a (sexual) partner, and they are happy that way.

There are also many couples who compromise by having sex once in a while.

And, of course, you might meet another asexual, or someone on the spectrum, who will love you and make you happy.

I don't think it's ruining your life. I understand that you see it that way now, but I believe and hope that, in a few years, you might see it differently.

[Someone Else]

I was going to be ok with being asexual. But I think I may also be aromantic, and that is depressing me. I don't recall ever "dreaming and wishing" about one day having a sexual relationship, but growing up long before I knew about asexual/aromantic, I always assumed I'd one day somehow fall in love. I'm coming to doubt this now and I don't like it.

[Minakie]

I was going to be ok with being asexual. But I think I may also be aromantic, and that is depressing me. I don't recall ever "dreaming and wishing" about one day having a sexual relationship, but growing up long before I knew about asexual/aromantic, I always assumed I'd one day somehow fall in love. I'm coming to doubt this now and I don't like it.

I knew I was asexual long before I found out I was also demiromantic. I was never interested in romance until I fell in love (which makes me wonder if I'm really demi-romantic or just reciproromantic, since he said he liked me first) but I don't think it's something you should worry about too much, since it's not something we can control. When I start thinking about relationships I get really depressed too despite not being aromantic.

[Guest]

I envy people who are younger than me who've had multiple partners and talk about how great their relationships have been. I'm sick of people feeling sorry for me too like my friends and best friend telling me it's ok and i'll find someone soon.. they don't know i'm asexual so they just assume i'm an awkward frigid person. My mum always points out that i get checked out by guys when i'm walking with her, but i never even notice or care. I'm not the most attractive person either and i don't have much confidence, i'm also super introverted. -_-

I've only ever been romantically attracted to one man and this is only recent, i'm almost 23. How many people have you guys been attracted to or have had a crush on?

[Minakie]

I'm now 24. I am still a virgin. And up until now I had never met anyone I was even remotely interested in. And I just didn't care. The problem here is the fact that my family knows I'm 24 and a virgin. And it's not like they "trust my word" for it. I never had a boyfriend, and they know it. They know it because they used to walk me from home to school and then from school back home until I got into high school. An high school my mom worked on. So she knows I had no boyfriend there either, 'cause if I did my entire school would have ran to tell her. Then I moved on to college. And I had 39 classmates. All female. Again, no boyfriend. I graduated last year and, since I couldn't find a job, I enrolled on a new course. Again, only female classmates, again no boyfriend. And, at the age of 24. All I do is still walk from home to class and from class to work, always have been. So they know I never had a boyfriend in classes and they also know I'm not seeing anyone after hours or something.

I came out to my mom a few months ago and her reaction was not so great. The typical "It'll pass, it's only a phase" type of comments and an increasing need to hook me up with some guy. Any guy. Just a guy. I guess that means she also has that "How do you know if you never had sex?" / "You just need to find the right person" kind of mentality.

So, I pretty much have 0 knowledge of relationships (even friendship ones, all I had my entire life was fake friends that used me and then dumped me when they no longer needed me) except for the queerplatonic relationship I'm in right now, but it's all too recent and we're both still trying to figure things out.

[Xavy]

Being asexual can be hard sometimes. I understand how it can add to depression. With depression, for any reason., it is important to know that there is help out there. I hope you have good doctors to help you through this.

[Mikasa]

I was going to be ok with being asexual. But I think I may also be aromantic, and that is depressing me. I don't recall ever "dreaming and wishing" about one day having a sexual relationship, but growing up long before I knew about asexual/aromantic, I always assumed I'd one day somehow fall in love. I'm coming to doubt this now and I don't like it.

Same. Always at the beginning of a new year, I would think 'Maybe I'll fall in love this year! Who knows!'. But this year I've realized it's very likely that will never happen. I like being single, but the thought of growing old all by myself scares me and is kind of depressing.

[Guest]

I'm now 24. I am still a virgin. And up until now I had never met anyone I was even remotely interested in. And I just didn't care. The problem here is the fact that my family knows I'm 24 and a virgin. And it's not like they "trust my word" for it. I never had a boyfriend, and they know it. They know it because they used to walk me from home to school and then from school back home until I got into high school. An high school my mom worked on. So she knows I had no boyfriend there either, 'cause if I did my entire school would have ran to tell her. Then I moved on to college. And I had 39 classmates. All female. Again, no boyfriend. I graduated last year and, since I couldn't find a job, I enrolled on a new course. Again, only female classmates, again no boyfriend. And, at the age of 24. All I do is still walk from home to class and from class to work, always have been. So they know I never had a boyfriend in classes and they also know I'm not seeing anyone after hours or something.

I came out to my mom a few months ago and her reaction was not so great. The typical "It'll pass, it's only a phase" type of comments and an increasing need to hook me up with some guy. Any guy. Just a guy. I guess that means she also has that "How do you know if you never had sex?" / "You just need to find the right person" kind of mentality.

So, I pretty much have 0 knowledge of relationships (even friendship ones, all I had my entire life was fake friends that used me and then dumped me when they no longer needed me) except for the queerplatonic relationship I'm in right now, but it's all too recent and we're both still trying to figure things out.

I totally understand! I also feel anxious when people start asking how many people i've kissed/slept with/ if i've lost my virginity. I'm also a virgin, wish i wasn't but i know if i had lost it, it would've been with someone i don't love or have any connection with. I have a big family and they know i've never had a partner, i hate when i go to a family reunion and they keep asking if i have a boyfriend yet. "Oh you poor thing, it'll happen soon" or "You really need to get out there, give it a go!" I know they pity me. I haven't really come out to anyone, i think they'd also think it was a phase.

[SkyWorld]

Moved thread from Asexual Q&A to Asexual Relationships.

SkyWorld

Asexual Q&A Co-Moderator

[Acegirl22]

I am fairly new to the idea of being in the Asexuality Spectrum, for many years i felt romantic attraction to Females and males, but

i never felt sexually attracted, like oh my gosh they are so hot, or oh i would do her kind of behavior.

I also never think of anyone when i masturbate, i watch porn on occasion, or i read things i have fetishs of ( Erotica).

That is the only thing to remotely simulate anything in my brain, otherwise i was always " bone dry" and Non flexing on

the idea of sex. I to, always thought i just would be alone, and part of me was fine with that, until my Depression too, Developed

and cultivated into guilt, self hatred, and finally self harm.

I had 3 boyfriends in RL, one who raped and assaulted me. while i was virgin, so it made how i felt about sex even more

hard to figure out. My next boyfriend, had trouble getting me turned on enough to even enjoy it, and most if not every time he

desired me, i just got this " when is it over" feeling, and the only time i didn't feel like this, is when i crushed on someone online, Knew

i couldn't be with them, and got aroused from the idea. Not sure what that means, but its something odd i never

understood about me. My final boyfriend, whom i still live with, who is still a good friend to me. Knows of my sexual changes, and

confusion. He is a Demisexual Cismale. It was me who discovered his demisexuality for him. All he knew for years was, Well

I do not want sex unless i love them first, and they love me. Then i feel it. The Desire to make love.

Now i never had this desire, and i find sex sort of repulsive. to me, its ten minutes of the body thinking its happy, and then i got

a big mess to clean up, myself included. So for me, i feel very Asexual. I never fought the idea of marriage or having babies.

That i would do, even if i made my heart risk its walls, to come down and try to love someone. While i do feel Attraction Romantically,

I think i always will be broken sexually, due not to just being raped, or my disorders making me hard to love, but also the lack

of physical desire, will always be there. It is still something i am growing used to, i made bracelets to show my pride, and i try to

wear them all the time, so as to remind myself, it is not a bad thing to be this way, and i would not have to worry about it, if it

was not a concern.

I currently spend a lot of my focus on Video games, mid-maxing my character, and for me that makes me happy, keeps me

content. I love the company of friends, and hanging out together, and for romance, i love to cuddle men, i have only had two female

crushs in my life, and that was only for a short while as they were not returned.

So sorry for the long post, but i feel it explains it for me at least. How i feel.

[Guest]

I am fairly new to the idea of being in the Asexuality Spectrum, for many years i felt romantic attraction to Females and males, but

i never felt sexually attracted, like oh my gosh they are so hot, or oh i would do her kind of behavior.

I also never think of anyone when i masturbate, i watch porn on occasion, or i read things i have fetishs of ( Erotica).

That is the only thing to remotely simulate anything in my brain, otherwise i was always " bone dry" and Non flexing on

the idea of sex. I to, always thought i just would be alone, and part of me was fine with that, until my Depression too, Developed

and cultivated into guilt, self hatred, and finally self harm.

I had 3 boyfriends in RL, one who raped and assaulted me. while i was virgin, so it made how i felt about sex even more

hard to figure out. My next boyfriend, had trouble getting me turned on enough to even enjoy it, and most if not every time he

desired me, i just got this " when is it over" feeling, and the only time i didn't feel like this, is when i crushed on someone online, Knew

i couldn't be with them, and got aroused from the idea. Not sure what that means, but its something odd i never

understood about me. My final boyfriend, whom i still live with, who is still a good friend to me. Knows of my sexual changes, and

confusion. He is a Demisexual Cismale. It was me who discovered his demisexuality for him. All he knew for years was, Well

I do not want sex unless i love them first, and they love me. Then i feel it. The Desire to make love.

Now i never had this desire, and i find sex sort of repulsive. to me, its ten minutes of the body thinking its happy, and then i got

a big mess to clean up, myself included. So for me, i feel very Asexual. I never fought the idea of marriage or having babies.

That i would do, even if i made my heart risk its walls, to come down and try to love someone. While i do feel Attraction Romantically,

I think i always will be broken sexually, due not to just being raped, or my disorders making me hard to love, but also the lack

of physical desire, will always be there. It is still something i am growing used to, i made bracelets to show my pride, and i try to

wear them all the time, so as to remind myself, it is not a bad thing to be this way, and i would not have to worry about it, if it

was not a concern.

I currently spend a lot of my focus on Video games, mid-maxing my character, and for me that makes me happy, keeps me

content. I love the company of friends, and hanging out together, and for romance, i love to cuddle men, i have only had two female

crushs in my life, and that was only for a short while as they were not returned.

So sorry for the long post, but i feel it explains it for me at least. How i feel.

I'm also bisexual, equally on both sides. Although never been asked out by a female as i don't really look like a lesbian i don't come off as one. I do think of some guys as really hot and that i'd like to sleep with them but they're mainly celebrities or characters in books, ones i know i'll never actually meet so as you said you can speak to that guy online and feel aroused by knowing you'll most likely never meet him. Perhaps it's a commitment thing..

As for guys in real life, the ones that have asked me out, i get annoyed because i know i'll never enjoy sex, it'd be at most tolerable. I read erotica too and watch porn unusually hardcore/brutal. No idea why it turns me on, lol. Now that i think of it it's kind of funny.

I wonder if the majority of Aces have depression? It's not a normal thing to not want sex as the natural way to reproduce offspring so why are so many of us like this?

I'm sorry about your first boyfriend, that's f**ked. I keep thinking my relationships will be like your second bf, which is depressing. I want everything in a relationship but sex.

I play my brothers xbox as much as i can when i'm not working, i love the game Destiny! I notice i swear a lot when i'm in the crucible so i'm glad in a way that i don't use headphones lol. :) I love cuddling too but i cant with men because they assume im flirting with them. :redface:

[anoelk]

I'm kinda glad I came across this thread, because lately I've started not liking being asexual too. It's been a few years since I figured out I was asexual, and I thought, and still think, I would be satisfied never being in a relationship. But all my friends have started pairing off, and spending more time with their S.O.'s than me, and I started worrying that I'll get left behind or something.

I can't think of any advantages to being asexual. It seems to just make things more complicated... Since there is this guy I kind of like too who is dating someone else. He knows I'm asexual, and I think he and my other friends think that means I'm not interested in any kind of relationships whatsoever. They think it's hilarious to think that anyone would be in a relationship with me.

[Minakie]

I totally understand! I also feel anxious when people start asking how many people i've kissed/slept with/ if i've lost my virginity. I'm also a virgin, wish i wasn't but i know if i had lost it, it would've been with someone i don't love or have any connection with. I have a big family and they know i've never had a partner, i hate when i go to a family reunion and they keep asking if i have a boyfriend yet. "Oh you poor thing, it'll happen soon" or "You really need to get out there, give it a go!" I know they pity me. I haven't really come out to anyone, i think they'd also think it was a phase.

That's probably what's going to happen to me today. I have some long distance relatives coming for a visit today. They only know my grandparents, they don't really know me, which is the equivalent of "police questioning incoming". Family members all ask the same questions, so it's kinda predictable. The problem is this time, no matter how much I'd like to just be able to say "I have no interest in such things, I'm asexual", I'll just keep my mouth shut, smile and nod at everything they say. They're distant family, I don't know them, I don't want to get to know them and I don't want them minding my own business. Besides, it's a well know fact that people in our "big family" go and gossip about each other behind people's backs and I am not eager to be the subject of such gossiping. <_< Having to deal with my close family members is bad enough as it is.

[timewarp]

Actually I'm really happy with my life. I do things I like and tend to meet a lot of interesting people. Interestingly most people I'm around don't usually talk about relationships, and definitely not about sex. When somebody asks me why I'm not in a relationship, usually I answer that I have more interesting things to do. Everybody believes that right away, because over the last few years I've lived in 4 different countries, and to spice things up after a few years doing an office job, I've just started my PhD.

My perception is that many people are looking for a relationship because they don't feel complete alone, so they end up being codependent. For me a relationship could be nice as an add-on to my otherwise totally fulfilled life.

No worries about being a virgin. First of all it's nobody's business really. And then my personal experience is that there's just no point doing something you don't feel comfortable with. I did try to have sex and since it didn't work out I'm still a virgin. The whole situation made me extremely uncomfortable (that was what, apart of not being aroused, made it also virtually impossible to get anywhere with it). It's good that I tried only because that way I found out about my asexuality, but it's definitely better and easier if you know without having to try.

[Guest]

I'm kinda glad I came across this thread, because lately I've started not liking being asexual too. It's been a few years since I figured out I was asexual, and I thought, and still think, I would be satisfied never being in a relationship. But all my friends have started pairing off, and spending more time with their S.O.'s than me, and I started worrying that I'll get left behind or something.

I can't think of any advantages to being asexual. It seems to just make things more complicated... Since there is this guy I kind of like too who is dating someone else. He knows I'm asexual, and I think he and my other friends think that means I'm not interested in any kind of relationships whatsoever. They think it's hilarious to think that anyone would be in a relationship with me.

UGH it sucks so much. I only have one best friend who sort of knows my situation. I was mainly envious of the girls in my last year of high school always mentioning crap like their date nights/anniversaries, how their going to their bf house, spending the night, valentines day etc. Seeing them holding hands, hugging/kissing. I felt like such an outcast.

The thing is, if this guy (that i'm totally in love with) didn't give me signals that he liked me, i probably wouldn't be attracted to him. I don't know how to feel, especially because he has a girlfriend who he's been with for a few months, i keep imagining they'll break up and i'll get my chance. ( i know this sounds bad, she's probably a really nice girl!) I have nothing against her either, she's so lucky -_- i feel heartbroken. I hate being asexual :evil:

[Guest]

Actually I'm really happy with my life. I do things I like and tend to meet a lot of interesting people. Interestingly most people I'm around don't usually talk about relationships, and definitely not about sex. When somebody asks me why I'm not in a relationship, usually I answer that I have more interesting things to do. Everybody believes that right away, because over the last few years I've lived in 4 different countries, and to spice things up after a few years doing an office job, I've just started my PhD.

My perception is that many people are looking for a relationship because they don't feel complete alone, so they end up being codependent. For me a relationship could be nice as an add-on to my otherwise totally fulfilled life.

No worries about being a virgin. First of all it's nobody's business really. And then my personal experience is that there's just no point doing something you don't feel comfortable with. I did try to have sex and since it didn't work out I'm still a virgin. The whole situation made me extremely uncomfortable (that was what, apart of not being aroused, made it also virtually impossible to get anywhere with it). It's good that I tried only because that way I found out about my asexuality, but it's definitely better and easier if you know without having to try.

I guess that's cool, everyone is different.

I've always dreamt of meeting my soul mate and having a large family, raising either little farm kids or surfer kids lol. (I daydream a lot... it can get pretty annoying) I don't see myself working a 9-5 for the majority of my life nor do i ever plan on studying anything that requires university. Maybe it'll never work, but i have to have some hope ^_^

[IHasCupcake]

I never used to have a problem being ace. I mean I actually loved having a word for myself and knowing that there were other people like me. But recently I've just been feeling really down about it because I know that anyone who I have a crush on I can never be with. And I don't want to have to have sex with my future spouse to keep them happy, I want an ace! But there's so few of us out there its just really discouraging sometimes. And I always feel like there's something wrong with me for being ace, like I'll never be like everyone else no matter how hard I try. Or how I feel like I'm lying to people by not telling them, even when its none of their business. I don't wish I was sexual. Ever. I just wish I didn't feel this way.

[anoelk]

I never used to have a problem being ace. I mean I actually loved having a word for myself and knowing that there were other people like me. But recently I've just been feeling really down about it because I know that anyone who I have a crush on I can never be with. And I don't want to have to have sex with my future spouse to keep them happy, I want an ace! But there's so few of us out there its just really discouraging sometimes. And I always feel like there's something wrong with me for being ace, like I'll never be like everyone else no matter how hard I try. Or how I feel like I'm lying to people by not telling them, even when its none of their business. I don't wish I was sexual. Ever. I just wish I didn't feel this way.

I totally agree. At first I was happy, and now I've become less so, knowing that I'll never change. As if it wasn't hard enough for sexual people to find relationships... I have many friends that I care a lot about who care a lot about me too, I just know if they had to pick between me and their SO I would not win.

[IHasCupcake]

I never used to have a problem being ace. I mean I actually loved having a word for myself and knowing that there were other people like me. But recently I've just been feeling really down about it because I know that anyone who I have a crush on I can never be with. And I don't want to have to have sex with my future spouse to keep them happy, I want an ace! But there's so few of us out there its just really discouraging sometimes. And I always feel like there's something wrong with me for being ace, like I'll never be like everyone else no matter how hard I try. Or how I feel like I'm lying to people by not telling them, even when its none of their business. I don't wish I was sexual. Ever. I just wish I didn't feel this way.

I totally agree. At first I was happy, and now I've become less so, knowing that I'll never change. As if it wasn't hard enough for sexual people to find relationships... I have many friends that I care a lot about who care a lot about me too, I just know if they had to pick between me and their SO I would not win.

I'm sorry to hear that. But I don't think that being ace has to do with them choosing their SO over you. I guess that's just natural for people in relationships. But if you feel neglected you should definitely talk to your friend about it, because they might not realize that it hurt you. ☺

[Someone Else]

I never used to have a problem being ace. I mean I actually loved having a word for myself and knowing that there were other people like me. But recently I've just been feeling really down about it because I know that anyone who I have a crush on I can never be with. And I don't want to have to have sex with my future spouse to keep them happy, I want an ace! But there's so few of us out there its just really discouraging sometimes. And I always feel like there's something wrong with me for being ace, like I'll never be like everyone else no matter how hard I try. Or how I feel like I'm lying to people by not telling them, even when its none of their business. I don't wish I was sexual. Ever. I just wish I didn't feel this way.

I totally agree. At first I was happy, and now I've become less so, knowing that I'll never change. As if it wasn't hard enough for sexual people to find relationships... I have many friends that I care a lot about who care a lot about me too, I just know if they had to pick between me and their SO I would not win.

I'm sorry to hear that. But I don't think that being ace has to do with them choosing their SO over you. I guess that's just natural for people in relationships. But if you feel neglected you should definitely talk to your friend about it, because they might not realize that it hurt you. ☺

It's just the way things are, all too often. Friends choose their partners over their old friends... the nature of being wildly, madly, totally in love. As an ace, we're going to be lucky if we're ever anyone's first choice, with friends eventually all being consumed by married life, especially if kids are involved.

[Whispearl]

I wouldn't call myself depressed about it, but it's certainly annoying and a bit difficult. I have some bad days over it. Like, I hate worrying about what people will think of it, especially potential partners. I still convince myself that it's the reason my last partner broke up with me, even though it was never an apparent issue. And I hate knowing that there are people in my life who don't accept it, and that I'm in the minority about a lot of things and that it will affect a lot of my relationships in a lot of ways. It's annoying to have to think out everything you say and do in certain situations that would be a lot less stressful if I wasn't asexual. And I'd never wish away who I am, but I'd love to experience how much easier certain things would be, even for a short amount of time.

[ladyofshalott]

Just remember that a lot of what you're feeling is the depression. I have depression too and it sucks. I'm sorry you feel that way about asexuality.

[QueenWS]

No I always knew I was too ugly for to date anyone or to be in a relationship, being asexual just confirmed my fate as a loner aka rodent lady!

[cgom]

I was going to be ok with being asexual. But I think I may also be aromantic, and that is depressing me. I don't recall ever "dreaming and wishing" about one day having a sexual relationship, but growing up long before I knew about asexual/aromantic, I always assumed I'd one day somehow fall in love. I'm coming to doubt this now and I don't like it.

Same. Always at the beginning of a new year, I would think 'Maybe I'll fall in love this year! Who knows!'. But this year I've realized it's very likely that will never happen. I like being single, but the thought of growing old all by myself scares me and is kind of depressing.

I'm always worried about the capacity I have to meet people .... I'm heteroromantic, so I really hope to meet someone and have a partner, but I just don't really understand the social cues that go into someone being romantically interested in me because I feel like it's often tied to sexual attraction as well for them: I feel like other (allosexual) people will evaluate a potential partner based on romantic and sexual attraction, but I just don't get the sexual attraction part at all; I can think that someone is pretty or good-looking, regardless of gender, but I just can't pick up on the social cues that say that someone is interested in me as a partner. Not only that, but when I'm talking to someone in a social situation who I'm potentially romantically attracted to, it's never to get in their pants, but just to get to know them as a person. I honestly feel a lot of the time, during dates or what have you, that I'm being evaluated on my flirting ability or ability to give off some sexual nature, which I totally fail at because I'm never going for those things and just want to be my goofy self. For about four or five years, despite my ability to really experience genuine romantic attraction, I just didn't bother trying to pursue romantic interests.

[anoelk]

I was going to be ok with being asexual. But I think I may also be aromantic, and that is depressing me. I don't recall ever "dreaming and wishing" about one day having a sexual relationship, but growing up long before I knew about asexual/aromantic, I always assumed I'd one day somehow fall in love. I'm coming to doubt this now and I don't like it.

Same. Always at the beginning of a new year, I would think 'Maybe I'll fall in love this year! Who knows!'. But this year I've realized it's very likely that will never happen. I like being single, but the thought of growing old all by myself scares me and is kind of depressing.

I'm always worried about the capacity I have to meet people .... I'm heteroromantic, so I really hope to meet someone and have a partner, but I just don't really understand the social cues that go into someone being romantically interested in me because I feel like it's often tied to sexual attraction as well for them: I feel like other (allosexual) people will evaluate a potential partner based on romantic and sexual attraction, but I just don't get the sexual attraction part at all; I can think that someone is pretty or good-looking, regardless of gender, but I just can't pick up on the social cues that say that someone is interested in me as a partner. Not only that, but when I'm talking to someone in a social situation who I'm potentially romantically attracted to, it's never to get in their pants, but just to get to know them as a person. I honestly feel a lot of the time, during dates or what have you, that I'm being evaluated on my flirting ability or ability to give off some sexual nature, which I totally fail at because I'm never going for those things and just want to be my goofy self. For about four or five years, despite my ability to really experience genuine romantic attraction, I just didn't bother trying to pursue romantic interests.

I read "success" stories about aces meeting people irl but I don't get it. Even when I do like someone, I'm terrified of making my interest known because I know they aren't aces, and I wouldn't know what to do with them if I got them ;) hahaha. I laugh to keep from crying .... :) Nah, its cool though to see other people feel that way!