Char44 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, I have no interest in a sexual relationship with him he is more like my best friend. He has realised that there is something wrong and I don't want to sleep with him but has never thought that I may be a sexual. He is a very sexual person, so I go along with it but I have no sexual attraction and do not enjoy it one bit He is my best friend and if I told him I know I will loose him and he won't understand. I didn't know about this sexuality until recently and finally know that I am not the only one Link to post Share on other sites
iamme19892 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 i am in the same situation as you and i have no idea what to do either :( Link to post Share on other sites
Muffinprincess13 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Hmmm... do you not enjoy it, or are you just not interested? Reddit had a pretty good summary, I feel, about what it means to be asexual: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/369mnu/what_does_having_sex_feel_like_to_an_asexual/crc8f0q Whenever I think of the term, this is what i think of. Link to post Share on other sites
Char44 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 i am in the same situation as you and i have no idea what to do either :( Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Hmmm... do you not enjoy it, or are you just not interested? Reddit had a pretty good summary, I feel, about what it means to be asexual: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/369mnu/what_does_having_sex_feel_like_to_an_asexual/crc8f0q Whenever I think of the term, this is what i think of. Wow, never heard that analogy before until now. I usually hear the one about football and how everyone is so into it. I'm not into sports and I'm a vegeterian, therefore, I definitely relate to both! As far as the OP goes, I'd be open and honest about my feelings with my romantic partner, especially if there was a source of contention and potential for resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
Aching Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, I have no interest in a sexual relationship with him he is more like my best friend. He has realised that there is something wrong and I don't want to sleep with him but has never thought that I may be a sexual. He is a very sexual person, so I go along with it but I have no sexual attraction and do not enjoy it one bit He is my best friend and if I told him I know I will loose him and he won't understand. I didn't know about this sexuality until recently and finally know that I am not the only one You have to tell him. Yes, you may lose him. The whole best friend thing is very difficult for us sexual folks. My fiancee has recognized that she is asexual, and we're still trying to work it out. I love her dearly, and yes, we, too, are like best friends. It's wonderful and it's terrible. I'm a sexual person. I can be supportive of her. I can understand that she doesn't want to have sex with me, so we leave it alone. She says that maybe things will change. But after a few years of this, I have to say that I seriously doubt it. She cannot support me as a sexual person. She's the one best friend I have a difficult time talking about my sex life with. When she realized that she was asexual, I wanted to stand by her, and say that it is okay to be who you are. But it is very difficult for a sexual person to truly understand the ramifications of being in a mixed relationship. It can just be hell on your self-esteem. You keep looking for a solution, and I can't see one outside of polyamory, because I know that sex just gets in the way of our relationship, but that won't ever stop me from wanting to express my desire and to be desired. So yeah, I still don't know how these mixed relationships are supposed to work. Good luck, and please tell him. He should know. Link to post Share on other sites
JessieD Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. I'm asexual and he has a very high sex drive. It's been issue throughout our entire relationship, but it's the only issue we have so we've been able to work through it so far. We set up an agreement that we would have sex once per week, which was something that we both thought we could handle. However, in the past few months I haven't been able to live up to our agreement so we've been fighting a lot. I finally told him that I'm asexual, and we both agreed on an open relationship so he can satisfy those urges elsewhere. We also live together and have joint bank accounts, etc, so it's pretty easy not to get upset about it because at the end of the day he's always coming home to me. When I told him that I'm asexual, he said, "I disagree. You just have a low sex drive." I didn't argue with him, because I'd rather not insist that I don't feel sexual attraction, as that would absolutely upset him. However, I did explain to him in detail how I feel about sex, why I don't want to have it that often, that I would be fine without ever having it again, etc. Maybe you could bring it up to your boyfriend that way; just explaining how you feel about it and acknowledging that he feels differently from you. He may be willing to come to a compromise. If you don't want to have sex at all, I would suggest asking him if he would be interested in an open relationship (if that's something you might be okay with). Link to post Share on other sites
Char44 Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 Thank you! That has helped a lot x Link to post Share on other sites
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