"it's better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all"

[El-not-so-ace]

I used to always disagree, except when it related to animals. I love my pets and they at the very least love you until death. :P

But, now I feel like if you learn something about yourself, it might be worth it. Then again, I'm only a novice to all of this, regardless of my age, haha.

[Kaven]

This truth came borne with bier and pall,
I felt it, when I sorrowed most,
'T is better to have loved and lost,
Than never to have loved at all

O true in word, and tried in deed,
Demanding, so to bring relief
To this which is our common grief,

What kind of life is that I lead ;
And whether trust in things above

Be dimm'd of sorrow, or sustain'd ;
And whether love for him have drain'd
My capabilities of love ;

The poem was written by Alfred Tennyson, and there is some debate to if his "friend" who passed away may have been his lover. So I think of it as "It is better to risk loving someone then to choose a life being alone because society does not accept you."

The full text is here though the formatting is messy:

https://archive.org/stream/inmemoriambyalfr00tennuoft/inmemoriambyalfr00tennuoft_djvu.txt

[SorryNotSorry]

IMO the whole thing stinks, sounds so Kafkaesque... I don't do Kafkaesque very well, sorry.

[Philip027]

If it's a healthy sort of love, then I agree. It's how I feel about my first relationship in particular, even if it was possibly the most strangely mismatched one I ever had (she was twice my age, to put it simply)... it did enough for me that the joy I got from being in it well outmatched the sadness I got from it having to come to an end. And I'd do it all over again, if I could.

I was going to ask this of Squirrel above too... I'm genuinely interested in how one can love someone without being with them in a romantic way. How do you even know them well enough to love them if you've never had the closeness that (I personally) consider necessary to love someone. Otherwise, aren't you just loving who you think they'd be? I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm really wondering... unrequited love is something I've never understood.

I don't really know how else to put it other than that someone returning your feelings is not a requirement to love somebody. To me, a big part of loving someone is putting their desires over your own, and that includes their desire to look for / possibly find their match elsewhere (or even not at all, if the person is aromantic or has a different focus).

[Tarfeather]

To me, a big part of loving someone is putting their desires over your own, and that includes their desire to look for / possibly find their match elsewhere (or even not at all, if the person is aromantic or has a different focus).

I know, right?

[IHasCupcake]

I definitely disagree. Losing in love can consist of divorce (losing your stuff/money), losing a friend who had a crush on your partner, turning your family away from you if they dislike your partner, or intense heartbreak. I guess the saying is mostly for people who had a really nice romance while it lasted, and didn't break up in a terrible way.

[Xavy]

Its better to have loved and lost, because at least now you know .....so, you hold on the good things about the relationship (the love part) and try to forget and move on from bad parts (the love lost part).

[Star Inkbright]

Personally, I agree.

. . . Why is everyone automatically assuming this statement is exclusively talking about romantic love? I've always read it as talking about love in general.

[El-not-so-ace]

Personally, I agree.

. . . Why is everyone automatically assuming this statement is exclusively talking about romantic love? I've always read it as talking about love in general.

Hmm, that's true! I usually assumed that people loved their family members and friends, so I always saw this quote as working only with romantic love. I figured that this was possible to not have in life, so it matches the quote. Actually, for family members that have a good relationship with you, then I agree with the quote. I love my grandma and parents, so I'd rather have them in my life right now than to have been an orphan for example, even if I then wouldn't need to deal with their eventual passing.

[Limerence]

I've learned a lot from my previous relationships, and I really value those lessons. But if I was really close and cared about the person deeply and we broke up, I'd probably wish I had never loved them in the first place. -_-

[LocustTheLurker]

I believe in love, even when it hurts like hell.

[Tarfeather]

I figured that this was possible to not have in life, so it matches the quote.

... Do you really believe it's impossible for someone to not be loved? I'm sorry, not all parents and families are great. Some people have never been loved by the family they were born into.

[MarieIsEatingTacobell]

I don't know. The bitter part of me tends to want to say that saying is crap. On the other hand, I don't completely think it is. The one relationship I was in where I was actually in love got abusive. 4 years I went through that.

On the one hand, I wouldn't be the person I am today without having learned everything I did from it. I'm not perfect, I'm not strong, but my eyes are a lot more open to the world and I know my worth enough to never let anyone take advantage of me like that ever again.

On the other, I still live with the psychological consequences from that time of my life.

So honestly? I don't know. I don't know how I feel about that statement.

[Zorc]

I'd honestly be better off without this thing called love. You can't miss what you've never had, right...? Love is a vile thing.

[El-not-so-ace]

I figured that this was possible to not have in life, so it matches the quote.

... Do you really believe it's impossible for someone to not be loved? I'm sorry, not all parents and families are great. Some people have never been loved by the family they were born into.

Sorry for not specifying what I was thinking. That's why I had the sentence in past tense. I used to, but recent examples have definitely made me rethink that.

[GloomyGhost]

I disagree, but not even because of the possible heartbreak thing... it's not very logical, but I just feel like it's been a waste of time if it ended. I don't know if it's because I'm an introvert, but I feel like that about most of human interaction. Until I was 20 I never understood what people did on parties. Then someone told me you have to talk to people there. A mind-blowing moment for me. It had never even occured to me as an option to talk to people I didn't know and that I would never see again after that. Same with roommates for example. I guess some interaction is good not to make it that awkward since we're gonna be in the same room for the next 9 months, but after that we'll move out and never see each other again, so why should we waste our time and effort to get to know each other?

Yeah, maybe I feel this way because I've never loved anyone and can't imagine it. The closest thing was my squish, we talked quite a lot for a few months and I enjoyed it, but it didn't work out for some reason and now I'll never see him again most probably. And I kinda feel like it was all for nothing. Like I opened myself to someone who's a complete stranger now, and yeah, I would kinda take it back.

Of course if you thought about it this way, you could never do anything, but I can't help it... does anybody else ever feel this way?

[Rising Sun]

Yes, I do. To me, it feels like my love was given in vain, as if the other ceases to love me other than for a good reason, he certainly never did. It's as if you "wake up" and realize that you've actually never ceased being completely alone as everyone you loved now doesn't give a shit about you, or considers you as someone secondary in their life at best. That's what's heartbreaking.