Did you ever experience any discrimination or otherwise 'special' treatment at work or school?

[Guest]

Hi, lovelies!

I've seen a lot of posts about the difficulty of coming out and especially family responses to the news, but this question is for those who are completely out: Have you ever felt treated differently at your workplace/school/uni for being ace? I myself am considering telling more than my family - I do worry if there are downsides, and all I hear of are cases against homosexuals which i hardly think would compare to my situation since the world can hardly be as cruel to Danish romantic acegirls ;)

Love V

[Scottthespy]

Personally, I've yet to experience anything I would call discrimination, and in fact have experienced a good deal of support. But that may just be my particular luck...I hear a lot more stories of hecklers than I do of supporters. Still, I've found that the worst reactions I get are ones of utter inability to comprehend. People who simply cannot fathom not being sexually atracted to SOMETHING. People who can't wrap their heads around the idea. They ask a lot of questions, often getting very personal, and and they sometimes say things like "for now" and "well that's a choice", but I take that as lack of understanding, not a willful atempt to discriminate. Most of them are just thrown so off guard by the idea that in trying to make it make sense to their own minds, they forget their manners.

But, I do have one particular success story I want to share, and have shared a few other times on this site. I had a short oral report to give in law class, and I wanted to use the chance to spread awareness of asexuality. I looked up laws having to do with asexuality...and discovered none. I discovered, in fact, that in my area of Canada, asexuality is NOT legally defined as an orientation. Which means that it does NOT legally fall under the anti-discrimination laws...I COULD, due to legal loophole, loose my job, be refused service at stores and resteraunts, and be called out on the street, for being an asexual, and I would have no legal recourse. That was what I reported on, and I got full marks. However, during the question phase, a friend of mine with an...awkward sense of humour, put his hand up and said "I just...don't think people like that are human..." Probably setting up some sort of 'I should rule the world' joke. But before he had a chance to finish, the entire classroom exploded on him. "How DARE you!" "What is WRONG with you?!" "YOU aren't human!". Roughly fourty people from over a dozen different countries, ranging in age from 18 to their late fifties, with all different social and economic backgrounds, raised as one voice in defence of asexuality...which the majority of them had admitted to JUST learning about in this report. It was heartwarming and touching and brilliant. Many of them came to me afterwards to ask questions, and I directed a bunch of them to aven. They were all open and receptive, even curious about the idea. It was a good day.

But I think a lot of how people treat you upon coming out has to do wit your attitude about it. I know I'm asexual, I know I'm not broken or hurting anyone else, and I don't care who believes me. I'm polite, upbeat, cheerful, but unshakable in my resolve. When people question me or make assertions that I just dont know what I'm missing, I smile a friendly smile and say "Well, that's your opinion, but this is how I am and that's just that." It seems to take people away from a confrontational mindset when I myself am completely, but calmly, certain in my position, and I get neither defensive nor adversarial. It works for me, at least, and I've been able to talk about it openly with many peple without things getting nasty.

[seneca]

When i was in the military, I was surrounded by "real men." They would brag about how much pussy they would get and even sexually harass women. I wasn't sexually active at all, and so wasn't considered a man by their standards. I was mocked by them,and they figured I was either gay or a child molester.

[Rising Sun]

I was bullied at school. Other kids thought I was either gay or a zoophile. I don't count the number of times where I was physically assaulted and sexually harassed (please don't ask for details, it's hard to not trigger memories). At home, it wasn't better as the woman who gave birth to me did the same thing. I successfully ran away when I was 16 and the nightmare ended (or almost, because there is still some harassment from "family" 15 years later, but at least I now feel relatively safe - at least physically - in comparison with before, which definitely wasn't a physically and / or psychologically safe place at all).

[CheekyStoat]

I haven't experienced any discrimination either, but I also don't flaunt it. The few people I've bothered to tell have been supportive.

[Philip027]

No, but I haven't worked many jobs in the first place, nor would I be talking about my sexuality or lack thereof at a workplace unless asked, which I never have been.

[SpiffyParadox]

Back in school some people thought I was a lesbian because I never dated any guys--or anyone for that matter. And because I would hang out with 'the gays'. However, no one really bothered me about it (being this supposed lesbian or ace). Although I embraced my asexuality I don't advertise it either. The ones who know i'm ace in real life don't treat me any different.

Perhaps, at this point, I should be more open about my asexuality. I volunteer at my local library with my best friend who happens to be gay and many of the patrons think we're dating (one even thought we were married). Understandably, my friend becomes annoyed with this presumption while in contrast I try to laugh it off.

[Squirrel Combat]

Back in school my professors were exceptionally tough on me because I kicked everyone else's asses in the music stuff. Plus, I have (and had) perfect pitch. Other than that, I kept a low profile about my personal life. But it sure didn't women from treating me like a used condom.

[R_1]

Nah, not really. I like it that way.

[ShipoftheNight]

I've never been attacked or anything, but there is one thing that happens to me all the time. So, I love telling dirty jokes and making rude comments, but my friend and coworkers think that because I don't want to sleep with anyone, I must be protected from hearing these things. If they make a joke like this, they apologize. They have conversation about sex and crushes, and they either say "We can't talk about this stuff because the ace is here", or they try to talk about it vaguely....using a lot of you knows and such forth. When I tell them I don't mind, they don't believe me, and when I make a dirty joke they all gasp and stare at me for like a full minute everytime. It's more than a little annoying.

[milkyway]

I've only been discriminated against for being gay and not always gender comforming IRL (also, I don't want to marry or have children, which is the more horrible thing a woman could say apparently). Online, it's a different issue, people tend to be more agressive and more vocal as soon as you express a slight difference.

[Artistofnoname]

Nobody really cared and it didn't factor into much.

[Ph03n1xF1r3]

I like to think of my team at work as an HR nightmare. The conversation can get a little raunchy. I'm not out as ace, and I'm married to a man so I'm sure everyone assumes I'm straight, but I can totally see them acting like this if I came out. Lol.

I've never been attacked or anything, but there is one thing that happens to me all the time. So, I love telling dirty jokes and making rude comments, but my friend and coworkers think that because I don't want to sleep with anyone, I must be protected from hearing these things. If they make a joke like this, they apologize. They have conversation about sex and crushes, and they either say "We can't talk about this stuff because the ace is here", or they try to talk about it vaguely....using a lot of you knows and such forth. When I tell them I don't mind, they don't believe me, and when I make a dirty joke they all gasp and stare at me for like a full minute everytime. It's more than a little annoying.

And Ship, I'm sure they mean well, but I can see that being REALLY annoying.

[iraina]

I was wrongfully terminated by an employer. I worked for three weeks. 2 of them in a training classroom. 3 days on a hospital unit. My preceptor was a 23 year old college student with large biceps and a complex. He kept asking personal questions and wanted to be reassured that he was attractive. Well, I don't find anyone attractive, so I really didn't give him compliments on his "chest area", which is what he asked me about. I went home that day, and a few days later I was called into HR and was told that I was accused of sexual harassment. I was so baffled by it, and I explained to the HR person that I am asexual and have no sexual feelings towards anyone, men or women. He didn't believe me. He acted like that wasn't a real thing. I was terminated.

I felt largely discriminated against. The guy claimed that I touched him inappropriately. I never laid a hand on him. I am the kind of person who asks permission before I hug someone because I don't want them to be uncomfortable. My heart was broken and my life fell apart. I am still unemployed as this happened three weeks ago.

[MissLunarWolf]

I was bullied all my life, and socially: I was an outcast.

I have had mixed results with "coming out". My friends have been far more supportive than my family, who insists I'll "grow out of it". My parents sometimes tease me, and hold my asexuality over my head (when we're arguing), and say sh*t like; how I'll "be alone forever" and blah, blah, blah

[Atmetller]

If it counts (I'm not publicly out as asexual because I discovered it recently):

Bullied during the first years of highschool because I wasn't acting like the norm: not interested in sex, not interested in drinking, not interested in partying/clubbing, not wanting to fight with others.

In the end I was tired of being beaten every day, and when the last two years of highschool started I remember that there were less people that wanted to beat me, so I started to beat everyday the one that was stronger than the rest (he was taller than me and and could have destroyed me), and started to make "clever" jokes of every person that was insulting me or beating me. For no apparent reason their behavior changed and they even bought me snacks, and that "gorilla" even protected me sometimes (I stopped beating them).

[ShipoftheNight]

I can totally relate with you on the 'growing out of it', saying MissLunarWolf, *I'd give ya a nick name, but I think your name is super awesome* I came out to my mother, and she told me that I could be sure, because I was too young (19) and she still tells me all grow up and find someone. I am now 23 and most definitely asexual.