Platonic cuddling predicament

[Billyd96]

Hello all,

I am just feeling bad and embarrassed and would love some insight. I usually am romantically/ affectionately attracted to females, all bar this exception of one male I have become attached to. I met him a year ago when we became housemates. As soon as I saw him I knew I was going to develop a soft spot for him, sure enough I did, almost immediately. He is a great friend and has always been there for me as I have for him, even saying he also feels close to me. I have always locked away my feelings for him, lest the friendship get awkward, not wanting to be put down by narrow minded people and I think he is hetero- romantic. He is a little feminine looking, unique, and sweet, maybe why I have formed a bond with him.

Not to beat around the bush, I REALLY want to cuddle with him. This desire is worsening my depression of over 7 years and I just want to tell him, I always did. But I'm afraid of how he might react. I might be badly ridiculed and my family may see me as gay (my dad would NOT take too well to that), even though I am fairly certain I'm Asexual. I am at a loss. The art of manliness even has a article on historic male- male affection once very common, it's so sad this was lost from society over a hundred years ago. my friend would not even feel comfortable going to the pub with a single male for fear of being seen as a homosexual (same goes for most of my friends). What is the world coming to!?

Thank you for reading this, it was a long post.

[Karou]

Hmmm...I honostly don't know what to say here. It sucks because our society deams it strange or wrong for males to be close. But I totally get your feelings. I am female and feel the same with my roommate (also female). Sometimes we're close (just hugging) but I explained to here that it's just the connection. I explained that I see her as my sister and that's how I show my affection/love. I have always been very close to my sisters and hugging and holding hands was normal for us.

You can try to explain your reasons/feeling behind it. Perhaps if it is a platonic/brotherly feeling he would be more understanding.

Sorry if this doesn't help much, but I just wanted to let you know that there are others out there that feel the same.

[SithLord]

I'm sorry it's harder for dudes to cuddle platonically than chicks. I can't offer any advice but I can offer sympathy and internet cake:

[Znkyou]

my friend would not even feel comfortable going to the pub with a single male for fear of being seen as a homosexual (same goes for most of my friends).

I can't say for sure, but this strikes me as odd. I know plenty of males who go out drinking together.. to the point where I would question 'Who does a guy go out drinking with but another guy?'. Alone, maybe, but I rarely hear of guys going with women (at least where I am). Which..leads me to consider if he might be either homophobic in some way - might have to do with his apparently feminine looks, which might be an insecurity for him.

So, if he's of this mindset, he probably would be very uncomfortable about the idea of you cuddling with eachother. However, given how you feel about the idea and how it's affecting you, I don't think you should leave things as they are.

You have 2 options:

• tell him how you feel and ask if he minds cuddling every now and then

1. He will either be fine with this, and all immediate issues will be resolved.
2. He will not be fine with it. If this, I think you should find another housemate/leave.

• don't tell him

1. Find another housemate/leave.

I really doubt you wanted to hear this, but any situation that depresses you is NOT a good situation to be in, no matter what reason you have for being in it. I had to make a decision somewhat similar to this, and I am now very thankful I chose the 'hard' way. It paid off in the end. :)

[Billyd96]

Thank you, all of you. I won't forget your kind words. It is a difficult thing for anyone to reply to, and the fact that any of you tried to answer means (in my mind) that you cared about me. When you stagger onward, it means that bit more. He is no longer my housemate, not for some months now. Which is ironically why i am spiralling faster down, him not being around anymore. To clear up any misconceptions; neither of us are homophobes, some of his friends are homosexuals. We are who we are, no one should be ashamed of themselves, no one make them so. We just met up, along with the old friends. I guess I can only try.

I often feel death stood beside me, I have for years, he points to the horizon to say my race is almost run. You feel strange things to bring comfort to dire realities. No one can charge the guns, the shots and the shells with only a will and be certain they will live. This one is for me, this is my race.

Once again, thank you all.