The Irritation When it Comes to Dysphoria

[Silk Bones]

Currently, I am going through hair dysphoria.

I am a DFAB androgyne and literally on the verge of crying. I know, I am just overreacting but, dysphoria and anxiety issues just do not mix well. My hair use to be to around my chest area up until last week when I grew tired of how my hair was and needed a change. So I cut it until it was below my collar bones and I was still unsatisfied with it, so I ended up cutting it above my collar bones and, yet again, I am still not satisfied. My hair is making me feel very frantic and for a while now I've been wanting to cut it to a really short hairstyle, however, getting to that point is nearly impossible with all the possible circumstances you could easily think of. So what I do with it is just curl it up to make it short or put a beanie on and get through it day by day.

My question for anyone who is reading this and goes through dysphoria(whether it be hair dyshporia, body dysphoria, gender dysphoria, etc.), What is your story and what do you do to take care of it? I'd really like to know ^^

[warrigan]

welp, i got a buzzcut. bam! (my) problem solved. :)

[Valiant]

As a kid I had shoulder length or longer hair, but I'd never take care of it beyond washing and brushing. I hid my hair under a hat a lot of the time, or put it into a pony tail to keep it manageable. Then somewhere along the line I decided to cut it short, hacking away at it rather unskillfully with a pair of scissors until it was halfway down my neck. The cut was terrible and needed fixing, so next time we visited my grandmother's, my father got her to cut my hair. With a bowl. A bowl cut was just as much a crime against fashion as the mullet like cut I sported prior to giving myself a makeover, but I tolerated it leaps and bounds better than the gross, long hair. I even took care of it marginally better than I did long hair!

I think from then on I had my hair cut whenever it got "too long" and too long being long enough to put into a miniature pony tail. Every time I would get my hair cut, it would get progressively shorter. The time before last I went for a #3 on the back and sides and slightly longer on top (was supposed to be a fauxhawk, I just never styled it that way) and then when that grew out I went for a #2 on the back and sides with a trimmed top (undercut). I actually care about how my hair looks now, and looking at childhood photos of me it's amazing that someone didn't grab me by the scruff of my neck and give me a proper haircut out of pity. Then again, my father wasn't a paragon of fatherhood by any means, and when I lived with my mother, spending funds on frequent haircuts wasn't something we could do. She'd cut my hair but never as short as I wanted it, between touching my neck sending me into a gigglefit and her not being confident with styling short hair, I dealt with the shortest possible cut she could manage before starting to go to a hairdresser to get it cut.

One thing I have noticed though, is that when I feel like my hair is getting too long, I get depressed about it. My sense of self worth lowers, and my overall mood lowers a few degrees. Getting my hair cut raises my self esteem and helps bring me out of that super low slump, but it's not a cure-all. I also noticed that a barber will cut my hair exactly how I want it, whereas a hairdresser will usually leave it too long for my tastes. I'm a doormat when it comes to asking for things to be done certain ways, so I usually soldier on with the slightly longer than I wanted it cut.

I don't quite understand the circumstances you refer to when explaining why you can't get your hair cut shorter; but I do understand that anxiety about hair being too long. I hope you're able to eventually get the style and cut you want, and be comfortable with your hair.

[jack616]

(Hug)

Are you unsure what style/length you want it, or more worried about how others perceive your desired look?

If it's the former, perhaps try an exercise like picturing your ideal self, then drawing. Doesn't have to be brilliant artistic skills, but subconsciously drawing what we want ourselves to look like can help get a clearer idea of practical choices. Ie what hairstyle to do.

If it's the latter, people have perceptions about others no matter what we look like. So may as well please yourself!

Best of luck x

[Desmister]

I'm agender and a DFAB. My hair causes me quite a bit of dysphoria (I guess that's the right word for it) too. I have long hair that I simultaneously love and can't stand at that same time. When people look at me they already see me as a female and the long hair doesn't help the matter either. I feel like I'd look at whole lot more gender neutral if I cut my hair. The problem is that I love my long hair. I don't want to cut it. I just wish it didn't make me look extremely feminine when I'm sort of trying to pass off as androgynous. Even if I did want to cut my hair, I look absolutely horrible with short hair. I know because I used to have short hair a long time ago. It's awful. Doesn't fit my face at all. Also, my hair grows super slowly. Even if I did say, 'Y'know what? Screw it" and cut my hair it'd take forever to grow back. So I feel like I can't win no matter what I do.

I also have body/gender dysphoria that causes me a lot of anxiety. I desire to have a completely genderless body and it actually depresses me to an extent that I can't have that. Usually it's fixed slightly by wearing baggy/loose fitting clothes. I don't have a binder yet so that's the best I can do to hide my shape right now. I know it's crazy, but whenever I go out I feel like everyone's looking at me and just thinking "girl". I know of course that that's not true, but the thought alone causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I feel like all of that would go away if I could just look as genderless as I feel.

[Literary X]

I am sorry you are going through this. Dysphoria is no fun.

My hair is one of the few things I'm not dysphoric about. Right now it's shoulder length. I am growing it out from an inch-long haircut I got on a whim. I had hair down to my waist until I was sixteen, and then I gradually got it cut shorter and shorter. I would like to see it get that long again.

Personally, I think long hair is very androgynous. My daddy has waist-length hair, which he hasn't cut short since 1988. My uncle has long hair, and my older (male) cousin did for years. In my family, the guys have always had long hair! My squish Cor van der Beek (who is also my avatar) had shoulder-length hair. And think of Klaasje van der Wal (or Google him), with all his rugged handsomeness. He had long hair back in the glory days of Shocking Blue and he still does today.

[Junius]

My beard and thick eyebrows triggered my dysphoria so I shaved my face and shaped my brows. I love the feminine face that the mirror shows me! Now if only I could grow my hair out.... Damn genetics!

[Desmister]

So I went google searching and I actually found out a way to make my long hair appear shorter without cutting it, so I'm super excited about that. It only really works when I'm wearing some kind of hat or beanie but that's definitely good enough for me :) definitely makes me feel a whole lot better and I get to keep the long hair that I like so much ^_^ so no more hair dysphoria for me. Well, at least most of the time

Now that just leaves the body issues...

[J. van Deijck]

I'm experiencing really strong body dysphoria right now and I feel it consumes me. I'm trying to wear masculine clothes and it helps a little, but that's all. I don't feel any big relief.