Aesthetic-Alii Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 So recently my boyfriend of over a year and I broke up. I am still having a hard time adjusting to this. Overall, I'm feeling pretty lonely and shitty. The main reason we broke up was due to our difference in sexuality. He is heterosexual, and I am asexual. We have tried to make this work in our relationship. He said sex wasn't a big factor. But eventually, sex became a compromise and I began to feel uncomfortable as it began to feel like a power imbalance. I felt that if I didn't have sex with him, he would break up with me. He recently admitted to struggling to see me less as a sex object for him and more as a person. This seemed particularly hard for him to grasp considering that I perform in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, something he has deemed as completely sexual. So, after a discussion about sexuality and the toxic dynamics of our relationship, we decided to split up and just remain friends. Which is still kinda hard and awkward, but it's going. Anyhow, this is my first time openly identifying as asexual while being single. This is very new to me. And lately, I have received a lot of hateful comments from people (online and off) about my sexuality. These comments have come from a wide range, from a coworker to anonymous messages sent to my tumblr. I mostly wanted to use this opportunity to rant a bit and to get all of this off of my chest. I'm glad I have a community here to turn to, especially during this difficult time in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm sorry it's such a difficult time for you. In my experience, these things and feelings get better with time, however, I've found it's best to keep distance and enforce boundaries with anyone that's a source of pain. I wish you the best as you navigate this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Welcome and ! I think sometimes people lash out at something they don't understand. Seems like some people also take it as some sort of personal insult if you say you're asexual (as if they think you should be willing to have sex with them, or with someone they think is sexy). I believe it can get better though. Find people who love and accept you for who you are, not for who they want you to be or imagine you to be. Hopefully you love and accept yourself for who you are, too. Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
Risu Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Aw, don't listen to the negativity. :( Some people just don't understand asexuality. Just remember what Dr.Seuss says! “Always be who you are, and say what you feel, because people who mind don’t matter, and people who matter don’t mind.” Just focus your energy on those in your life who care about you and accept you. People who are 'offended' or whatever about it just want something to make drama about. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm sorry to hear about this. I have never been in a relationship, and I have little interest in it now because being Ace just hasn't helped with that. I hope you have better luck than I ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallflowerbaby13 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I am so sorry to hear of your recent difficulties. I applaud you on your bravery! Realizing your relationship was not a healthy one, discussing it, and finding a mutually acceptable ending. It sounds like you made the best of a hard situation and did what needed to be done for the health of all involved. It sounds like your ex has some interesting issues to deal with, but don't we all? I am sorry to hear you are feeling lonely, I hope you can reach out to friends and family and this community! Sometimes you need to go through what doesn't work to understand your needs and learn what you do want! And with the internet today, acebook and meet ups, and inclusive dating sites, there is definitely more chances to find a relationship that works for you and is hopefully filled with more understanding and mutual respect if you decide that is what you want. This site alone I hope shows you how many aces and simply diverse people there are in the world. Your not alone! Sending well wishes your way! *platonic hugs Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.