First Time Coming Out to Friends

[KaitlynS]

I have only know about asexuality for a few weeks now, but I feel comfortable enough that maybe I should tell some of my friends that I am asexual. I am certain that I am asexual and I have no doubt. I am also aromantic if anyone wonders. I feel like I should be able to tell anyone I want about this even a stranger if I wanted, but I want to start with some friends.

I want to come out to my friends first because I have always felt more comfortable with my friends than with any member of my family. I am just not sure if I should. I haven't know these friends for long; just a few weeks, so we don't really know each other that well yet and I have this feeling they may think its weird I am telling them this.

I am optimistic though. I think most people would accept me and be supportive or at least be okay with it. I feel like my dad wont be. In the past he has seemed disappointed that I have never been sexually or romantically attached to anyone. My brother might be supportive. The rest of my family I rarely talk to so I have no idea and little desire to tell them.

I would love some advice on this. Should I tell someone? How should I tell someone? Should I prepare, like should I have websites ready and practice answering questions?

My friends and I are members of a Success Networking Team in the National Society of Leadership and Success at our school. Every week we are suppose to make goals and work on accomplishing them. I was thinking about making one of my goals to be something like: open up to my friends about asexuality this week.

[Minakie]

From now on I'm not telling anyone about my sexual orientation, whether it's to friends or family, unless they're the ones to ask.

My family members had weird reactions (the few that know at least) and my friends just don't get it. Because I'm a still a virgin they can't get pass the "you won't know for sure until you try sex at least once" mindset, even though I'm already 24. I have tried everything, including asking them how THEY know they're not gay since they never had gay sex. And if I try to link them something they don't even want to read, they get all defensive like it's contagious and they're gonna catch it too if they click the link and go all like "Ok, we believe you, you don't have to try to brainwash us." in a tone that states they still don't believe me, not really.

Nothing seems to work. Plus, it's really tiring, so I quit.

I have one person that knows all about me (that I am a slightly sex-averse hetero-demiromantic asexual) and still accepts me and loves me for who I am. He never judged, he never tried to change me, he never said something less "appropriate". And I am grateful for that. I am SO grateful I got to get to know this one person, but that still doesn't mean I'll bother trying to explain asexuality to other people unless they ask and bloody insist on it.

[Sleppy]

I recently told my friends about my asexuality and I did do some research on a few websites in case they had any questions, it never hurts to brush up a bit on the subject. The reactions were pretty good and the people I told either already new about asexuality or they didn't but still asked me a few questions. If you do tell someone it's easier to bring it up in a conversation relating to the subject matter. Maybe if you talk to them about LGBT and ask about their opinions on asexuality you can gauge what their reaction could be if you told them, this is how I told some of my friends who I was unsure about their reaction.

A lot of allosexual people I've spoken to about asexuality are open to learning about it and are generally quite positive about it, although constantly answering the same questions does get rather boring. I've spoken to people who are not my close friends and they're still okay with it, although sometimes you might be asked questions that are too personal or they make a few comments that aren't very well thought through. It depends on how much you trust your friends but you should still be allowed to tell them your sexuality as they are your friends.

[Jump]

I have extremely positive experiences coming out to friends (five people so far). So glad I did it! (unlike coming out to therapists).

[Mr. Quickhands]

I've always tried avoiding the idea of "being out of or in the closet" or "coming out" when it comes to asexuality, but practical experience points to it being actually a rather unavoidable concept. I made the conscious decision to just treat my asexuality as "a thing" and neither hide it nor go out of the way to mention it, but I admit that I did get a bit nervous the first time I brought it up in conversation with friends. They asked about a story of mine where proper telling of it required the context of asexuality, and I told it just fine (it was the first time they heard about my being asexual), but I was definitely nervous and couldn't help but feel like I was coming out about something even though I had convinced myself multiple times over that I don't think of it that way.

[Whispearl]

If you feel like it is something important to your identity that you would feel most comfortable if others knew, then tell people! I told people because it became so important to me that I felt I was lying about myself by omission. I found people around my age were more accepting about it than older people (although in terms of my family, I talked about it as a concept without saying the word upfront), if that bit of information is useful to you. Definitely be prepared to answer basic questions, as asexuality isn't exactly known and common yet, and that will help them understand better! As long as you're safe doing so and you really want to, give it a shot!

[aventura]

I've started thinking about being open about my asexuality with people when the topic comes up, as well.

For instance, about a month ago I ended the only relationship I have ever been in (a very short one) with a coworker, and other coworkers ask me why.

I've told a couple of them that I don't plan on being in a relationship ever again, because I don't like it. So one of my friends asked another one of my friends if she doesn't "like boys either" and she was inquisitive about "who doesn't like boys?" I feel like I should have told her that she was right, and that I don't like girls either, but I just scoffed and brushed it off.

She has also noticed my black ring and asked me about it before (because it looks like a wedding band), but I just told her it's just a ring.

But I know the topic will come up again, and when it does, I want to be straight forward and open about it, but I know more intimate question will be asked, and I'm not sure I'm willing to answer them. At the same time that I want to be open about it, I don't want people prying into my personal life. I am the one living it, after all, and it really shouldn't affect them. But I really want to be open about it, and I'm leaning toward that for the next opportunity that my personal life come up, which it will soon, probably.

:/

[aventura]

I would love some advice on this. Should I tell someone? How should I tell someone? Should I prepare, like should I have websites ready and practice answering questions?

But to answer your question, which I totally ignored before, I'm sorry, I think that you seem very comfortable and happy to have found this about yourself, and I know how it feels. If you think that you should do it, then tell the people you care about. However, like the person above me said, be prepared to answer questions about it and to deal with skepticism, because there will be much of that. But if you know what it means (simply in order to be able to give them information) and how you feel, I don't see why you shouldn't! Asexual pride ftw!

[Frigid Pink]

I only tell people about my (a)sexuality if I want to. It's none of their business, otherwise. Also, I wouldn't tell someone about my (a)sexuality unless I could accept and deal with a negative or unpleasant response from them.

[KaitlynS]

Thank you everyone for the posts.