Jump to content

Terrified of coming out...


EcoFriendlyNerd

Recommended Posts

EcoFriendlyNerd

When my cousin came out as asexual, my dad got upset and said there was no such thing. I tried to explain what asexual meant (I had recently discovered that I was asexual and had done research on the topic) but he wouldn't hear of it. Up until that point I had been planning on telling my parents that I was asexual. After that incident, I'm terrified of saying anything. Discovering my asexuality was (and is) a huge thing for me and it feels so strange for me to not tell them. I now understand how the LGBT community feels.

Link to post
Share on other sites

First, you don't have to come out. I'm gay and greyace, while the grey/ace part was definitely easy for me (not saying I received no bad word or denial of asexuality, but it wasn't scary and I didn't care that much), I find myself still unable to tell my family that I am gay. No matter what your orientation is, if you are not completely seen as normal, it can be hard, take years or even never happen but you're never wrong for not coming out, you have your reasons and they are valid.

Now, you might feel the need to be true to yourself with at least someone, I suggest talking with your cousin or close friends about it if it can make you feel better.

If you plan to come out eventually to your parents: maybe you could try to educate your parents with good links on what asexuality is without saying you are asexual at first? Tell them that you support your cousin entirely and would like them to understand that asexuality is normal and that your cousin was brave and needs support from all the family?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm too impulsive. I usually keep my sexual orientation to myself, even among my family, but I'm pretty sure if I heard someone saying to another asexual that there was no such a thing as asexuality I'd say something like "You're wrong, asexuality does exist, I know because I'm also asexual". Of course if I don't know any of the people I force myself to keep my thoughts bottled up, 'cause it's rude to intrude in other people's conversations, but if it happened on my own family I think my impulsiveness would take the best of me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Put your safety and your comfort first :)

There's no rush to come out, really. Especially if you want peace to figure things out still, without anyone else arguing with you for the sake of being 'right' or because *they* fear change.

Not broadcasting your orientation doesn't make you any less of what you are. It's totally your choice of when and how you come out. I wish you and everyone the best of luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
EcoFriendlyNerd

My parents wouldn't disown me or anything like that if I came out. But it would be another thing that we disagree on but can't talk about. I'm already told that there's something wrong with me because I don't want (or even like) children. My parents even asked that I get counseling for the so-called "issue". It's a disagreement that has caused a lot of tension. If there's a lot of tension over something as minor as not wanting children, I can't even imagine the tension involved with coming out as asexual. I almost told my mother over the phone the other day, but decided against it. I feel conflicted and it's a strange feeling for me. I've always thought I was at peace with who and what I am, but looking back on it, I think this was a part of myself that I was running from. I told my parents and myself that I had crushes like everyone else and even tried to back it up with a diary expressing feelings that I didn't have. My first boyfriend wasn't about romantic or sexual interest- it was merely a way to get my parents to stop bugging me about dating (I later grew to love and care for him, but my original intent had nothing to do with attraction of any kind). Do any of you have similar experiences?

Thank you for your comments and support.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Schattenschatz

I had a sort of similar experience. I never got a boyfriend just to appease my parents, but my mom was always very much 'on me' about dating when I was in my later teen years and I think I agreed to most of my dating experiences because of her telling me that it was a good thing to do. There were a few times when I got asked to be someone's girlfriend but I could just never bring myself to say yes, and I assumed it was just because I was picky. While that was definitely part of it, I also never had the drive to get physically involved with anyone which I assume was a large motivating factor for my peers who would date people they didn't really have that much in common with or knew they would break up with eventually.

My mom didn't react well to me 'coming out', but eventually (years later) she did manage to accept me as I am.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...