Inlovewithanasexual Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I love her, and she loves me. She's explained to me as best she can her sexual nature. She considers herself gray or demisexual. I'm honestly worried that she'll have sex with me and resent me forever. Any advice? Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Considering how little we have to go on, all we can really say is a couple things: 1) the best person to consult about your partner's feelings about sex is your partner 2) she is perfectly capable of deciding on her own whether or not she is willing to have sex with you, and as long as you are not pestering her about it there is no need to feel guilty about anything because it's a decision being made on her terms Link to post Share on other sites
LH-Moth Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Pretty much what Philip027 already said. Be open to talking about this with your partner, and trust and respect what she tells you about her boundaries. Also, be honest with yourself about where you stand and what you're willing to sacrifice. And then be honest with your partner about it. A willingness to communicate will help both of you to confront and deal with any problems. I don't know your partner's feelings towards having sex, but if she is open to the idea, you might look into some of the blogs by asexuals on how to handle that relationship dynamic. Though the author admits the piece needs some revisions, reading through the comments indicates that several people found this essay at Prismatic Entanglements useful. Another piece that might be helpful is this entry at Only Fragments, wherein the author discusses how she and her girlfriend navigate the issue of sex. I don't know if either of those will help with your situation, but it might be place to start. Link to post Share on other sites
LH-Moth Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Argh. New internet went a little batty on me. Sorry about the.....eep! triple post?! What the...? Wow. Apparently, I fail at the internet. Really, really sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Jea Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 She won't resent you if it's her choice. For this reason, you need to talk about this. Honesty is very important here, as two people here already said. Also, demisexuality means that a person can feel sexual attraction to someone they have a strong emotional bond with, which seems to be your case. Link to post Share on other sites
TheNickLouie Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I was in the same situation as her a half a year ago. My crush (male) asked me out knowing full well I am asexual. I am not against having sex as I am a gray a/demisexual but it scared me to think that us having sex could potentially ruin us. I really REALLY liked this guy. After both of us were ready and we agreed it was a good idea to try, I was so happy to find out he feels so amazingly good. This was a first for me. Other sexual experiences with different people didn't go so well. What I am trying to get at is you will never know unless you try, yeah? For us it worked out for the better and we are still as close as ever and becoming closer physically and emotionally every day, and I hope you can experience the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
a new me Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Pretty much what Philip027 already said. Be open to talking about this with your partner, and trust and respect what she tells you about her boundaries. Also, be honest with yourself about where you stand and what you're willing to sacrifice. And then be honest with your partner about it. A willingness to communicate will help both of you to confront and deal with any problems. I don't know your partner's feelings towards having sex, but if she is open to the idea, you might look into some of the blogs by asexuals on how to handle that relationship dynamic. Though the author admits the piece needs some revisions, reading through the comments indicates that several people found this essay at Prismatic Entanglements useful. Another piece that might be helpful is this entry at Only Fragments, wherein the author discusses how she and her girlfriend navigate the issue of sex. I don't know if either of those will help with your situation, but it might be place to start. Thank you for these awesome links! Totally going to hold on to these! Link to post Share on other sites
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