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Arin's_Realm

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(Be prepared for long and rambly... but so much cake if you read this ^_^ <3)

So, it seems like I end up back here ever year or so haha. I guess I'm in this constant process of figuring out my sexuality (and now gender too, oh boy).

The last few years I've been identifying as "mostly demisexual". ("Mostly" because I felt like I was demisexual with guys and and slightly more allosexual with women.) The other day, though, I was thinking about it and realized that it's been a long since I've even thought about sex and when I think about it, it's just not that interesting to me. (I mean... look at everything else there is to do! Haha) I've also always been uncomfortable with a lot of things around sex. I'm pretty weirded out by guy parts and at first I thougt that was all but the older I get, the more I realize there are are a lot of other things I am (sometimes very) uncomfotable with (like basically most/maybe all touching of my "parts", even though I am totally fine with other physical contact, even in a sexual setting). Here is a big part of the stupid: I am extremely demiromantic with women. It's happed like twice... and the feeling was not mutural. Yet I wonder sometimes if I would like and be comfortable with sex if it was with a girlfriend who I was very in love with. For some reason that senario feels like it would have a different outcome... I don't know.

So yeah... that's what's up. I guess I'm wondering if I am maybe demi AND gray.

Oh, I also have a pretty high libido, which I think is why I have had sex in most of my relationships... I just get turned on super easy... it kind of sucks, honestly. :/

Another thing to throw into the mix: I am extremely new to the reality of non-binary genders, even though I identify that way myself. So yeah, I think I am probably panromantic/demi and just wasn't aware of it before. I've thought about it a lot and kind of wonder if these things wouldn't be easier with someone else on that spectrum. Again, I don't know why I think that might be true, just a hunch, I guess. Or maybe because gender would be less of a factor? I wonder if that has been some of my issue in the past. Maybe being interacted with as female in that setting is part of why I've been so uncomfortable. I don't think I have body dysphoria but I do have social dysphoria and I wonder if it shifts over into body a little just when I have sex...? Gah... brainwrenching.

Thanks for reading. <3

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You do you. It's totally possible to be demi and gray, or any combination of labels.

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Arin's_Realm

Thanks :)

You do you. It's totally possible to be demi and gray, or any combination of labels.

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