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[Warning: Sexual Content] Not sure where i fall on the spectrum or if there is a spectrum.


MonkeyKong

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I posted this first post in this section because i'm hoping someone my age or older will understand.

I'm 34 and the one thing i am sure of is that i'm voluntarily abstinant but i've had several chances to break this abstinance but not really felt any need or desire to, even when it's offered. To be honest i've found sex, dating marriage etc to be a completely bizarre comcept ever since i was a kid and my attitude hasn't changed much. The other things i'm 100% sure of is that im not G,B or T

I grew up in a less accepting time 80-90's and where getting accused of being gay meant you'd pretty much be bullied over it for the entirety of your school life regardless of whether you were actually gay or not. I'm aware it was even worse in previous decades but still it was no picnic regardless.

I found myself almost trying to lose my virginity in my late teens because it was what was expected of me by society, like it's the first stepping stone to manhood followed by the wife, the kids, mortgage etc and if i didn't make an effort then i must be gay by default.

So i battled on despite not really wanting to have any of these things and did lose my virginity at the age of 18, it was ok, not earthshattering just ok but it didn't change my outlook at all. I had sex several more times up untill i was 20 but then just realised it wasn't really for me and jacked it in and haven't even attempted to get back on the horse in 14 years and don't plan to ever again.

The spanner in the works is that i do (and have done since i was about 16) relieve myself once a week and more often than not to Pornography although not so much penetrative.

I have to do this as i get quite tense and can even get short tempered if i don't release, but even after going 3 weeks without releasing my need to have actual sex is not there at all. It's almost like a tertiary bodily function or something and i don't hang about i get it done as quick as possible.

I've never really felt the need to classify myself as anything untill i started getting compared to those awfull MGTOW people, but i didn't really know how to reply. I am and have been for at least 20 years an Atheist and vocal about it so couldn't claim i was abstaining for religious reasons so people automatically start to assume that i must be a MGTOW. I would have said i was Asexual but that's not really 100% true because i can get aroused by women and do relieve myself on a weekly basis.

I'm sorry to go on a rant but i've been happy with the way things are going ever since i stopped having sex and felt no need to for want of a better word label myself but these awful people pop up and have inadvertently forced me out of my comfort zone with their hatred.

So my question is where in the "spectrum" do i fall if one actually exists because looking at some of the bios a lot of people seem to identify as multiple things rather than a single identity.

thanks and sorry if my description was too graphic

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Some people tend to go a little label crazy which I'm not super into because I feel that in ways I could fall under many but don't like stressing myself out over it. I know on the main forum page where the info is there a a comprehensive list of like 100 terms but it seems to me a lot of them get repetitive or are too particular. You are probably somewhere on the ace spectrum but really only you can choose what labels fit. Idk the exact thread but I'm sure it's easy to find or the wiki page on asexuality may be able to clarify some of the termsm for you. Whatever you are you are welcome here :) BUT YOU MUST LOVE CAKE haha

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MonkeyKong welcome to AVEN and have our traditional cake 🎂 greeting.

As D-Ace says don't worry about labels. Being honest with yourself and not trying to be someone your not is a massive step forwards. Look through AVEN, have fun and you may decide on a label in time, but don't fret about doing so, everything to do with sexuality is variable with time.

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EDIT: Cheers for the cake :)

After sleeping on it and calming down then reading up a bit more i realised i was getting wound up over something that's not really going to be too much of a problem for me.

What i mean is apart from that time in my teens where i was trying to prove something it's not really something i've anguished over at all, it was just this one blip in 14 years.

To be happy in myself i don't really need do anything and the worst i have to put up with is turning down an offer for a date on the very very rare occasion it happens. I think this happened a lot more in my early 20's because i was able to talk to women naturally without any ulterior motive of trying to get their phone number and while most would just leave thinking i wasn't interested a few would think i was interested but just acting like i wasn't if that makes any sense.

Most of my friends probably by now know i'm not interested in dating or getting married and just accept it's how i roll. The person who got me confused with MGTOW was someone at work who was trying to get me to go on a double date with him, his girlfriend and her room mate.

He wasn't being malicious asking me about the double date, he just thought because i hadn't mentioned a girlfriend in the 4 years i worked there that i was just unlucky at meeting women and thought he's help me and score some brownie points with his new girlfriend. I don't use facebook for many reasons and he also doesn't have my mobile number so luckily he didn't just pass my details on to this girl but he did put me on the spot by asking.

My stock reply is "I don't bother with any of that lark" when i'm asked why i've not got a girlfriend/married/have kids which 99% of the time seems to work but he'd recently only found out about said group and assumed i was one of them, i didn't know who they were at the time and said i've not dated anyone for 14 years way before I was online. He replied "oh right fair enough" and then it was never mentioned again. I bumped into him later on when work finished and he told me he'd got someone else to go on the double date.

It wasn't till much later that day when i decided to research MGTOW further that i realised just how awful they are and that's what got me spinning out of control a bit last night.

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I just had to do a bit of research on the whole MGTOW thing as I'd never heard of it either. I can understand why you would've been a bit flustered and confused by it, as I was too for a brief moment, then remembered that I honestly and sincerely don't have any inclination to have partnered sex with anyone, even though I do have a libido that is sometimes dealt with through aesthetic attraction. So even though the basic premise of the MGTOW is similar, the underlying reality is very different.

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  • 2 months later...
The Summer of George

I had no idea those whiny idiots were grouped together and calling themselves "MGTOW". Thanks to you I looked up what that meant. It explains all of the "incel" stuff I've read by ugly little, mean-spirited trolls. There's (I think) one guy who has two different "blogs" where he basically does nothing but attack women and blame them for everything. His philosophy is that we all are only attracted to bad guys, yet he's done nothing but display himself as a bad person. So according to his philosophy, women would be plastered to the walls of his dorm room, hovel, or parents' basement. He proves his world view is flawed in that fact alone. Thank goodness I found this website, because I was afraid all Non-Sex-Havers were miserable little pricks.

Your description wasn't too graphic. Unless there's a group of ultra-conservative Christians on here, nothing you wrote is likely to offend.

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