Asexual ? Self Sexual ? Ficto Sexual ? A little help would be appreciated...

[steamermaid]

Hey there!

So, hm, it took me a lot of courage to finally post on here, I hope you'll be able to help me out on this.

I'm a 18 years old, pansexual?, cis-female. And I'm hella confused with who I am.

I started getting interested in s*x at a very young age. I've had my first s*xual """"experience""" pretty young too, and a few followed during my teen-years. I don't think I really enjoyed doing so, I think I was just being curious, and it seemed "fun" (in a childish way) to push boundaries.

I've always seen myself as a person who loved to m*sturbate, and loved to fantasize about having intercourses, but when it came to actually getting into action, every attraction I felt before just disappeared.


I've been in a relationship for about a year and a half, and I did my "first time" with him about a year ago. But the thing is, I never enjoyed it. And to this day, having s*x is boring and is more of a chore for me. I never initiate it, and when the situation starts to become intimate I always try to avoid it with excuses. I love kissing (lips closed) and cuddling, and I'm ok with being romantic with him, but that's all. And I could totally picture a life with no s*xual interractions ever.

But I also love "playing with myself" (sorry, didn't really know how to say it), I often watch p*rn and read arrousing stories, and have a lot of s*xual attraction towards fictional characters... but never towards people in real life.

I've came across a definition of "self sexual", which i found to describe me perfectly :

"You may not have heard of this, but it’s an interesting branch of asexuality.

It looks like you quite enjoy sex…with yourself. This is by no means a bad thing, though. You know what turns you on and you don’t need help from anyone. You may be an asexual fetishist, demisexual, asexual, romantic-asexual, or aromantic asexual, but either way, you make the walls shake with your solo acts.

You do not feel the need to have sex with another person. You most likely feel no sexual attraction at all for other people. You probably feel a much stronger sexual attraction toward erotica, images, art, stories, hentai, and your very own creative sexy mind. Your sex is not to be shared and you feel annoyed, uncomfortable, or apathetic when someone barges in on your parade.

Sex is a big part of your life, but not when it’s intercourse with another person. You are independent, intelligent, and know what’s needed to get the job done."

So, my question is... is "selfsexual" the right word for me? Do you have any ideas of what could my sexuality be? I'm really, really confused.

Thank you so much for reading, and for answering !

[Sisky]

I'm pretty much like you (minus being attracted to fictional characters), and I just see myself as asexual because it all comes down to not being attracted to anyone and not having any kind of craving for sex. The things I do (or don't do) aren't part of my orientation, they're just activities.

But if you think it's the right word for you, go ahead and use it. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. :) And if it turns out it's not right for you, you can use another. People are wrong about things all the time, and your own feeling and perceptions are the hardest thing to get completely right.

[Meudwen]

Haha I recognize that test result because I got the same thing. Your story feels pretty familiar to me, although my feelings about sex, and experiences, are a little different from yours.

If you are sexually attracted to fictional characters, then fictosexual might fit. Self sexual may be a fine descriptor for yourself too, but I think there's confusion about what it means. I'm actually trying to google to confirm and not getting clear results. Some people think it means you're aroused by art, stories, imagination, etc, but I consider that covered by 'autochorissexual' or 'aegosexual', and others say it means you are literally sexually attracted to yourself, as in you'd be aroused by your own reflection, and that is already known as 'autosexual'. So I'm not sure which to believe, and I don't consider that test's result as a good source (because it seems like that is one of the only main sources of where it came from!) Weird.

If you're not confident about either of those though, then just "asexual" is fine. I ditto what Sisky had to say.