New here and questioning myself

[Angel_spit]

So, I've been trying to figure out what the hell my sexuality is for quite some time and had no idea there were so many types.

I'm female and have had sex with aa few partners and have a child. I have never enjoyed sex. I hate touching, bodily fluids, the smell, the noises, genitals... you name it. Disgusts me. I've always had to be drunk to have sex and just did it because it was expected. I've been told I'm "cold" and not affectionate. I dislike relationships and always bail fast. I like companionship to a point. I'm not and never been sexually attracted to straight men or women. I can appreciate physical appearance but I never think of sex. However, I am very sexually attracted to drag queens, pre op trans women, and femenine men. I've had this attraction since I was a little kid watching Maury Show "Is it a Man or Woman!?" Episodes. I also feel very androgynous and been told I am. I have had gay men ask to kiss me, which I was shocked by. I've dressed as a faux drag queen and I love it. I feel like I should've been born a man sometimes... I feel incomplete dressing as a faux drag queen because I have a vagina. Other times however, I like that I am female. I love attention and if I go out drinking, its like another personality takes over and I mostly black out. I'm flirtatious and very touchy (I still do not have sex with people even while drunk). I'm just so confused :-\ thanks for reading, I feel ridiculous.

[Guest]

Hello, welcome to AVEN!!

This forum is perfect for better understanding yourself, so I'm sure you'll figure things out as you browse! :) I agree with you on the sex; I have never had sex but I have watched porn and it grosses me out. I only like "2D" where it's drawn, because it doesn't look as real and gross.

I'm sorry about your situation with your sex/gender. When I was little I desperately wanted to be male, however it has gotten weaker as I grew older. I'm comfortable with my female parts now, but the feeling of wanting to be male has never left me. So I can understand what it's like.

It's okay to be confused, and you don't sound very ridiculous to me! I hope everything works out for you!

[Star Bit]

I'm asking the following because I've had people confuse other attractions with sexual attraction.

When you say you're sexually attracted to them you mean you have the urge to have sex with them, correct?

[Nicnac]

Hi and welcome to Aven, I know how confusing things can be. I am 47 and still find myself confused as hell, I mean what even is this 'sex' thing? I really don't get it, I don't understand it, and I have to agree with you, I have had sex but only when I am drunk, I also have a beautiful 18 year old daughter, she is awesome and introduced me to this site , I know how difficult life can be but you are not ridiculous, don't ever think that about yourself, you are who you are and that is why we welcome everyone here

[Angel_spit]

Thanks for the kind replies. Yes and no regarding wanting sex with whom I say I'm sexually attracted to. I like to fantasize about it and can masturbate to the thought because it turns me on. But, if given the chance to actually have sex with let's say, Bianca Del Rio, I don't believe I could. Because then I'd be overwhelmed with bodily fluids and all that :-\

I'm the same with porn. I can't watch the real stuff. Makes me sick. I enjoy hentai though.

[Star Bit]

So you have the urge to have sex with them but don't want to act on it IRL?

That's under the Gray-Asexual umbrella. But that term is predominantly "sex maybe" so some people who will never act on their sexual attraction will go by asexual. There's also Lithsexual aka Aposexual (which i prefer because its prefix isn't a metaphor).