I just have no clue

[BlazingHills]

When I heard about asexuality, I was very excited. "Yes this is where I belong!" But now I just don't know. Romance makes me uncomfortable. I think it's adorable and I love reading about it and seeing it but when it's happening to me I just feel awkward and the intense need to distance myself from the situation. Thats the problem I have with dating as well. I love getting dressed up and being told how great i look but when it gets to hand holding and wanting to spend all their time with me I'm just like "Nope, Netflix and I have plans for the next few months." I have a weird thing about people touching me. I can touch other people and can be rather affectionate around some people but around certain people and people i dont know well enough to touch me without expressed permission as in the case of a hug just make my skin crawl.

Sex is different altogether. I've had sex. It was alright, nothing to write home about. Sex is something that I could take or leave. I don't seem to have that consuming need I hear so much about. I get aroused but to be blunt I'd rather take care of those particular needs myself. At the same time I've heard from some friends about dom/sub relationships and they sound like something I'd like to try but I just don't know if thats something I could do. Is there such a thing as an ace dom/sub relationship?

As you can see, I'm kind of all over the place. Help? Comments? Suggestions? The number of a good therapist?

[Star Bit]

Do you dislike romance toward yourself because you don't reciprocate/have a crush (which is normal), or because you do have a crush?

Are you touch averse or touch repulsed with strangers?

Arousal is not sexual attraction, desiring to have sex is.

I suppose there can be a sexless dom/sub relationship when they make out or do other sensual things.

[Meudwen]

Sounds like you're aromantic to me. I have aro friends who describe the same thing, that they can tolerate romance in fiction but not in real life. The same way I enjoy sex in fiction but not at all in real life. There's nothing wrong with wanting to dress up for yourself but not be touched by other people or receive any advances from them. There's also nothing wrong with not wanting strange people, or people you don't want to touch you, touching you.

As far as your sexuality goes, it still fits into asexuality. Aces can have sex, and a lot of them say the same thing - that it's alright but they could take it or leave it, and that some get aroused but they'd rather just handle it themselves.

Asexual fetishist is absolutely a thing. In fact, there's a thread that's dedicated to talking about BDSM + Asexuality.