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Hello guys. I have some questions about my sexuality. I always thought I was heterosexual but for example when I find a girl to be cute, I feel no sexual attraction at all. Which I think is pretty normal. But my friends always want to bang anyone that they find attractive. One day we were talking about some girl and all of them were like "Yeah man I would totally bang her!" Then I told them that I didn't find her sexually attractive even though she was really cute. Then they called me a faggot and left. I didn't take that as an insult of course. I have nothing against gay people. But that made me question my own sexuality. This didn't happen only once, by the way. It happened many times, all with different groups of friends.

There are 6 types of attraction. They're all typically felt with romantic attraction (and why there can be confusion between attractions) but they aren't needed to make it valid. Other than romantic attraction, obviously, they can all be felt platonically, separately and in different combinations. The desire to act in a certain way can also be separate from the attraction (i.e. sexual attraction with no desire to act on it, or no sexual attraction with a desire for sex), but the two are typically together. That being so all the thime, though, would fit under the Gray umbrella.

· Sexual attraction - the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with a specific person; to do genital involving things to their body.

· Romantic attraction - an emotion; so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). Some people have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase [though those are also symptoms of platonic nervousness], dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, etc.).

· Aesthetic attraction - the pull to look at someone because of their looks and or mannerisms. It's different from recognizing good looks/what is aesthetically pleasing.

· Emotional attraction - the fixation on someone because of their emotions (their optimism, stoicness, etc.), and by extent personality. I would compare it to having a favorite character or admirance.

· Sensual attraction - the urge to have non-genital physical contact. Platonically displaying this above the norm qualifies as a type of queerplatonic relationship (QPR). I would compare it to how many people have the urge to act toward their pets. Though this term is typically applied to other humans. There are 3 forms of sensual attraction; platonic, romantic (which only differ by chaste kissing), and sexual (in the sense that it’s done for sexual arousal, not because it includes sex/genital contact --and it’s still under asexuality as a kink).

· Platonic attraction - (aka a squish; a play on the romantic word crush) the strong urge to know or befriend someone.

· And it's possible to find someone charming without romantic attraction. (look up charming's definition/synonyms for further clarification)

· It's also possible to have queerplatonic feelings for someone; to emotionally feel platonic but have the characteristic(s) associated with a romantic relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction above the norm (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one’s feelings unromantic), friends with sexual benefits, romantically pleasing someone they platonically love (QP to one and romantic to the other, although it's their decision on what they call the relationship), or any combination of those. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, have kids, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs.

If I had to describe my feelings based on this, it's romantic, aesthetic and sensual attraction. And platonic too If I don't know the person yet. I almost never felt sexually attracted to someone I knew. It happened just a few times and it didn't last longer than a few days. That being said, I do like watching porn and masturbating. And I do it quite often actually. So my lack of sexual attraction is probably not because I have a low sex drive.

P.S. I'm sorry if I've made any mistakes for you see I'm not a native speaker. Thanks in advance

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Hey there!

You sound very much like me!

I find both men and women (well, certain men and women, haha) aesthetically attractive, intensely so, but the sexual attraction is always missing.
It's something I'm rather confused about as I also watch porn and self satisfy rather regularly, so I'm not sure what the disconnect is with the people I'm seeing.

Also, I don't think it's my place to say anything, but your friends sound like neanderthals.
That is all.
Haha.

Vanya

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Guest Cairne Bloodhoof

Hello and welcome :cake: . I too was thinking that I am heterosexual, since I find women pretty, beautiful, etc. It was last year that I (re)discovered asexuality and the types of attractions. By the way, thank you for teaching me new things. I only knew about 4 attractions, now I now there are 6 of them :)

Also say hello to asexual dinosaur:

tumblr_mv0txnwwtB1sjyulvo1_1280.jpg

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Sounds like you're asexual to me! :)

If you're romantically attracted to women and/or want a relationship with them you could call yourself "heteroromantic" as well.

You could also identify more specifically as "grey-asexual" if you wish, since you said you have felt sexual attraction once in a while.

Try looking those up and see if they make sense to you. You don't have to use any labels at all of course, but I think those might be what you're looking for or at least get you started.

Welcome to the forum by the way! :D :cake::cake:

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Sounds a lot like me if I am honest. I masterbate all the time and watch porn but when it comes to people I just can't see myself being sexually involved with anyone and when I experienced my first sexual experience I hated every minute of it.

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