Grey A or fluid?

[ladydandyyvette]

Hello everyone!

I decided to come on to AVEN forums so I can talk more about my experiences. As I stated in my intro post, I always thought I was heterosexual since I've only been attracted to guys for the most part (I find the occasional woman aesthetically nice but nothing sexual) but never had the strong desire for sex. It wasn't until the summer before freshman year of high school that I developed celebrity crushes (Christian Bale will always be my first) and even then, nothing sexual in nature. Just a crush. I had my first (and so far only) serious relationship in high school and while I did like kissing, I wasn't into the idea of sex. He was and after a year of being together, we had sex only one time. The first time is always awkward and it was but it was also uneventful. I go to college and I developed a crush on one guy but it never went anywhere. I didn't partake in hooking up with guys up until my senior year of university and it was only one guy. We had sex but again, it didn't do much for me. Even he sensed that I wasn't too into it. I still have crushes but the sexual attraction is barely there unless if it's some really unattainable man for example a famous actor. I like masturbating and I would be fine with just me, myself, and I. I have also question if I ever truly experienced romantic attraction or is it just looking back at that previous relationship and just wanting to throw up at the past?

I've thought I might be greysexual because there will be times when I see a man and I think 'Wow, let's have sex right here. Right now.' But it's not very often. I don't see sex as a big deal as everyone else seems to make it. The reason why I think I may feel that way is partially due to Catholicism being a big part of my life and it still sort of is although I also question it most of the time. I feel like people make sex a bigger deal than it is and that' it's just whatever. There's nothing really exciting about it to me. Am I greysexual? Or just have a fluid sexuality?

[Star Bit]

Does the sexual attraction last toward that person or is it one-time-spontaneous.

Do you want to act but once you do you're indifferent or uninterested? Or are you indifferent period; before and during/after acting?

Because I've had some people confuse sexual attraction with other attractions recently, and you ask about romantic attraction, I'll leave this list of attractions.

There are 6 types of attraction. They're all typically felt with romantic attraction (and why there can be confusion between attractions) but they aren't needed to make it valid. Other than romantic attraction, obviously, they can all be felt platonically, separately and in different combinations. The desire to act in a certain way can also be separate from the attraction (i.e. sexual attraction with no desire to act on it, or no sexual attraction with a desire for sex), but the two are typically together. That being so all the thime, though, would fit under the Gray umbrella.

· Sexual attraction - the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with a specific person; to do genital involving things to their body.

· Romantic attraction - an emotion; so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). Some people have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase [though those are also symptoms of platonic nervousness], dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, etc.).

· Aesthetic attraction - the pull to look at someone because of their looks and or mannerisms. It's different from recognizing good looks/what is aesthetically pleasing.

· Emotional attraction - the fixation on someone because of their emotions (their optimism, stoicness, etc.), and by extent personality. I would compare it to having a favorite character or admirance.

· Sensual attraction - the urge to have non-genital physical contact. Platonically displaying this above the norm qualifies as a type of queerplatonic relationship (QPR). I would compare it to how many people have the urge to act toward their pets. Though this term is typically applied to other humans. There are 3 forms of sensual attraction; platonic, romantic (which only differ by chaste kissing), and sexual (in the sense that it’s done for sexual arousal, not because it includes sex/genital contact --and it’s still under asexuality as a kink).

· Platonic attraction - (aka a squish; a play on the romantic word crush) the strong urge to know or befriend someone.

· And it's possible to find someone charming without romantic attraction. (look up charming's definition/synonyms for further clarification)

· It's also possible to have queerplatonic feelings for someone; to emotionally feel platonic but have the characteristic(s) associated with a romantic relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction above the norm (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one’s feelings unromantic), friends with sexual benefits, romantically pleasing someone they platonically love (QP to one and romantic to the other, although it's their decision on what they call the relationship), or any combination of those. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, have kids, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs.

Am I greysexual? Or just have a fluid sexuality?

Both are accurate if your sexual attraction comes and goes. Sexually fluid is under the Gray-asexual/Gray-sexual umbrella; anything between being asexual and sexual. But if yours is that instantaneous then I'd say Gray fits more than fluid.

[SkyWorld]

Moved thread from Asexual Q&A to The Grey Area.

SkyWorld

Asexual Q&A Moderator

[scarletlatitude]

Gray-A includes everything between sexual and asexual, just like the color gray would be everything in between black and white. There are some grays that are more black, and some grays that are more white, but we still call them the "gray". It's the same thing with gray-A. There's lots of ways to be gray-A. If you feel you are in that middle spot between sexual and asexual, you could be gray-a. :)

Gray-asexual is often used because some gray-a people feel more asexual than sexual... but I have also seen gray-sexual used for people who feel like they are more at the sexual end of the spectrum.

Personally I use gray-asexual because I almost never have sexual attraction, unless it's to someone that I know really really really really really really well or occasionally a celebrity. (I agree with Christian Bale. He is quite nice. ;) )

[KevCo]

I relate pretty closely to this sort of fluctuation. Quite a lot of people here seem to describe similar circumstances of being asexual most of the time, or sexual very little of the time,and other things that DON'T mean 100% asexual 100% of the time. Grey asexual is kindof a good catch-all term. Fluid sexuality is becoming more widely used, its nice that the idea is better understood.