New, confused, stressed, and kind of lost...

[Eyris]

Okay... hi. I'm new here. This is my first time doing something like this, but I'm confused and stressed with school and need to vent my thoughts somewhere. This is the second time this year I'm seriously thinking I could be asexual and I'm just looking for some thoughts and opinions from you guys.

Here goes.

I'm a girl in college, doing fine with grades, happy with my majors, all that good stuff. I'm living with great friends - two guys and a girl. They're more experienced in relationships than I am, and have much dirtier minds than I do. I'm considered 'good girl' or the innocent one of the group. And I'll gladly agree with that, I know I'm inexperienced. That's okay with me. They make sexual jokes all the time with each other, and I'm used to hearing it, I just don't know what to say so I sit there awkwardly.

But the real kicker is when they started talking about gag gifts for Christmas. They joke that I masterbate in the shower, or I'm actually super kinky in bed. But I don't and I'm not. And it pisses me off sometimes. But they've got this brilliant idea of getting me some sex toy as a gag gift. When they were talking about it, I kinda giggled and laughed it off, told them not to. But I was really embarrassed, uncomfortable, and sort of mad. I don't think this 'gag gift' is funny at all. But they didn't see that. I tried to zone out of the conversation and get my work done. I thought back on what they said later that night and got upset, they don't know I've been thinking about this and they went a little too far this time.

That's when I started thinking that maybe I am asexual. I like guys, I've had a few relationships. But I never did anything sexually. I typically thought I just 'wasn't ready,' but then I realized I was never really sexually attracted to anyone. I only found them attractive for who they were. I enjoy cuddling, kissing, holding hands, and hugs - hugs are the best.

When I'm with friends and the conversation starts heading to some sexual topic, I usually zone out. It would usually be because I was inexperienced and didn't really follow along or have anything to contribute. Now I realized I was never really interested in the first place. I have no issues with people having sex or judge people for whatever they're into. I just don't follow a lot of the time. I've got nothing against having sex, I just don't know what that urge feels like.

I'm happy with who I am, who my friends are, who I like. I enjoy the being in a relationship. I just really have to interest in sex. I realized I never really found anyone sexually attractive. I know an attractive guy when I see one - might even flash a smile or try to flirt without being awkward. Just don't assume it's because I want to have sex, I don't. I just find them attractive and want to know more about them, their personality, what they like to do. It's more of an intellectual attraction I guess.

I've just felt awkward and lost with myself lately. So, thinking I'm possibly ace, I found this site, read some other and felt more comfortable.

Sooo... that's my story. Still trying to figure out who I am. Please share your thoughts. Thanks for reading my rant :)

[Meudwen]

You could try to explain to them that you're asexual, or even that you're simply not comfortable with the idea of this gag gift and ask them not to do it. But don't be too surprised if they get defensive and tell you 'it's just a joke' or if you try to tell them you're ace if they try to help set you up with the 'right' one or whatever. Hopefully they would understand and respect you, though. Maybe your female roommate would be more understanding and if you spoke to her first you could get an ally?

Anyway, welcome to the site, I'm glad you found your way here. I'm still new, too, but it seems pretty nice. :)

[nerdperson777]

It is perfectly normal to be a heteromantic asexual. You can say that those jokes are uncalled for and that you really don't like it. It might be a mood killer, but if it's not nice, then show how uncomfortable you are. It's not our faults that we're stuck in a society that values sex so much.

[Eyris]

I'm plan on to telling them soon-ish. And actually it's the girl that's pushing it more than the guys. But they should understand. We all know someone who's ace. I just wanted to come to terms of it with myself before talking to them.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

My friends all knew I was ace for years and they still gave me some condoms for my 18th That really was a joke though; in the end I threw them in the air like a wedding bouquet :P

If you feel comfortable tell them about your aceness, but do have all your bingo card ready, and be aware they still might buy you something rude for your birthday ;) Friends will be friends! It's not as distressing if you and they know it's a joke :)