Labels

[dbk]

Society tells us how to define ourselves. There are so many lables that people use today.

I identify with the concept of Asexuality and yet while I use that lable to identify myself, I often wonder if I am using it as being the easy way out. Rather than explaining my sexual views and preferences to people I state I am asexual. I have come across a large number of people who think this basically means I am only interested in masterbation and sex with basically...myself. How do you explain to someone that it is like "eh" sex meh...

Just ranting

[Elluna Hellen]

Ummm... Asexuality is a good way to START explaining your view on sexuality and your lack of sexual attraction.

You can say "I'm an asexual which means that I don't feel sexual attraction to people, and i don't think sex is all that great"

The label is not undermining any explanations you would maybe like to give. The label is helping people find other asexuals. To many people, it feels like validation. "Oh, what I feel and am has a name, and I am not the only one."

[Meudwen]

Labels are a matter of convenience at times. You don't need to explain to strangers exactly under what conditions you are or are not comfortable with sex. You don't even need to tell them you're asexual, but if you do then that's fine and that's more than what was ever required of you. Personally, I didn't care about labels at all... until I started dating again and realized I'd better figure my preferences out, because to the person I'm dating, that stuff matters. To anyone else? No, it's not your business. Unless they are genuinely interested in what it means, why explain?

But, I did find that being open about my own identity publicly meant realizing that I wasn't alone. I actually had lots of friends who felt exactly the same way I did! We were all so used to pretending otherwise that we had no idea until the dam broke - one person came out, then suddenly we were all like "HEY, ME TOO!" So when I'm open about it now, it's because I don't want other people feeling like they are alone, or weird. It sucks to feel that way. Of course, this means that I've been targeted by rude people who dug through my personal posts just to laugh at me trying to figure myself out quietly and accuse me of attention-seeking and making up stuff just to look 'special'. Yes, because being confused feels fantastic. But I won't regret coming out and speaking about my personal experience if it even helped one other young, confused person realize that they belonged somewhere and they weren't just freaks or whatever.

Privately, I think it's best to just explain to your partner what your likes and dislikes are. Your label isn't going to explain it for you.

Publicly, I think labels are useful because you can find like-minded people and realize you aren't alone in the way you feel. But of course, they can cause harm from hateful people.

[somethingrandom]

I personally don't think we should have labels. We should all just be able to be ourselves and not be questioned for it. Why do you have to be called homosexual if you like people of the same gender as you? Why do you have to be called asexual if you don't feel sexual attraction, but you like people as the same gender as you?

Why can't we just be ourselves and not be questioned for it, or things be presumed about ourselves?

However in this day and age, people will presume you are straight until told otherwise. It's unfortunate and unfair, but labels at least stop the presumptions from people.

[Member54880]

You could explain that you're asexual, and then elaborate on what your views on sex are, so others don't make assumptions like you mentioned. Labels only give so much information; for example, asexuality doesn't say anything about your attitude towards sex, or what you would want to do or not.

[Tarfeather]

I personally don't think we should have labels. We should all just be able to be ourselves and not be questioned for it. Why do you have to be called homosexual if you like people of the same gender as you? Why do you have to be called asexual if you don't feel sexual attraction, but you like people as the same gender as you?

Why can't we just be ourselves and not be questioned for it, or things be presumed about ourselves?

However in this day and age, people will presume you are straight until told otherwise. It's unfortunate and unfair, but labels at least stop the presumptions from people.

Agreed. It is good to have a way to find communities such as this one. However, I don't think labels like asexuality should be necessary to explain yourself. People should just accept you and your choices, and not try to hammer you into some pointless idea of what is normal and/or acceptable.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I personally don't think we should have labels. We should all just be able to be ourselves and not be questioned for it. Why do you have to be called homosexual if you like people of the same gender as you? Why do you have to be called asexual if you don't feel sexual attraction, but you like people as the same gender as you?

Why can't we just be ourselves and not be questioned for it, or things be presumed about ourselves?

However in this day and age, people will presume you are straight until told otherwise. It's unfortunate and unfair, but labels at least stop the presumptions from people.

Agreed. It is good to have a way to find communities such as this one. However, I don't think labels like asexuality should be necessary to explain yourself. People should just accept you and your choices, and not try to hammer you into some pointless idea of what is normal and/or acceptable.

That's fair enough, but remember some people need labels for themselves. For people like me labels bring a sense of order, and when things are in order and tidy, for me that makes me relax. Everyone's different :)

[BlueSaint]

Labels in and of themselves aren't bad, just like generalizations. We use these as shortcuts when faced with a new element in our lives. They us help form a basic framework on how we are going approach the situation. The problem is when anyone just stops at that point.

As far as I see it there are two kind of labels. Ones we adopt for ourselves and those that others ascribe to us. Ultimately though we have choose if any of those labels reflect who we feel we are as a person. But like I have seen said on this forum, a label doesn't change who you are or what you feel. If a label doesn't work for you or makes you uncomfortable don't use it. But at the end of the day a label is just a starting point, it is up each person if they want to look beyond it.

[scarletlatitude]

I like labels because it gives me a sense of what I am. I'm not alone. I'm not weird. There are lots of other people just like me. See we even have a name for it! :) But I also understand that some people don't like labels, and I'm fine with that. The only one who should control the label maker is you. Put on (or don't put on) as many or as few labels as you like. It's all good. :)