Friendshipseeker Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 What's the difference between being asexual and being sexual but not ready for sex? Example: - you meet someone you get on with - you get closer and hug a lot and start being aroused - you desire a release from the arousal but don't want sex with that person because you don't know if you like him enough yet, or if the relationship could work out long term, or because you don't want sex without being completely in love etc What's the difference between being asexual and being sexual but with the wrong person? Example: - you're a virgin - you meet someone you find extremely aesthetically attractive - you get closer and fall in love - you're in love, you love the way they look, you see a future with them, you want sex with them - you have sex with them but find you don't enjoy it or your body doesn't respond properly or it hurts etc Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sisky Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I can only speak for myself here, but... Your first example stops at "you get closer", maybe hugging (but not a lot). Being aroused just by being close to someone and everything that comes after that just doesn't happen, period. For the second one, "you want sex with them" is the deciding factor. If I want sex with someone, it's because I like the feeling/physical release and that person just happens to be close enough to me I feel comfortable doing it with them. I don't want sex with that (or any) person specifically. And if it's uncomfortable for me, I'll just say, "well, this doesn't work for me", stop doing it and don't miss anything at all (and probably not stay in the relationship if I'm expected to do something that I just can't do). I imagine a sexual person would think more along the lines of "I really want to have sex with them, but I can't" and feel bad about it in some way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 It's the difference between hungry and wanting to eat, and actually going ahead and invest half an hour into cooking up something decent. Wishing for something isn't the same as wanting to do it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 What's the difference between being asexual and being sexual but not ready for sex? You can be asexual and not ready to have sex. You can be asexual and like sex. They aren't mutually excluding of each other. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
[Deleted] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 As others have responded, being asexual/sexual and being ready/not ready for sex are two separate things. Being asexual simply means that a person does not experience sexual attraction to others. I'm going to compare sex to sushi, so bear with me as I fumble through this analogy. Being asexual/sexual: You either like sushi or you don't (or you find it okay once in a while), but either way it's not a choice you made. Being ready/not ready for sex: If you've never tried sushi before you might want to try it when you get the chance, you might also hesitate, or you might simple refuse to eat it. Everyone is different and you'll try sushi when you feel up to it. Having sex with the right/wrong person: Salmon sushi might look delicious to you, but you won't know if you enjoy it or not until you've had it. If it turns out that you don't like it very much you don't have to order more. Try some other types of sushi until you're happy, but don't try to shove more than one piece in your mouth at once, that won't end well. I hope that I didn't add to the confusion. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Theoryal Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I can only speak for myself here, but... Your first example stops at "you get closer", maybe hugging (but not a lot). Being aroused just by being close to someone and everything that comes after that just doesn't happen, period. yeah, even when I really like someone's personality, I feel comfortable with them, and they are physically beautiful to me, I can cuddle up with them and even kiss them and not start feeling aroused 'downstairs', I don't start feeling a need for sexual stimulation and release, I don't feel a need to be naked together. I feel a sense of desire in a strong longing to hold them close to my heart and just Be together, to feel emotional security, one-ness of 'heart' and mind, but touching genitals? nope, don't need, don't even think about. I can feel physical arousal only if I focus my attention on specific physical sensations, but it's not an experience that is deeply satisfying or that I think about wanting at other times. For me, wanting to be intimately close with someone doesn't bring with it a desire for them to stimulate me in that way. I prefer to avoid that sensation actually. My experience of arousal is more like a weird annoying itch I'd rather not have to try to get rid of, and simply feel glad it's over with once it's gone. To me, seeking to feel aroused is kind of like saying you seek to get the hiccups. To each his own of course but it sure doesn't make sense to me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nidwin Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 The difference is that for me there's no right or wrong person for sex or romance, never was and my guess is, never will be. I don't experience that pull, desire, whatever allos experience when around a person for sex or romance. I can find a woman beautifull, gracious, sensual and enjoy her company in a lot of ways but there's nothing wanting me to PIV, get a BJ, Lick whatever, put my tongue where it doesn't belong for me, hold hands or whatever. I can although have sex if needed, if there's enough sensuality, but I don't need it, my body doesn't need it and I live hapily without it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Friendshipseeker Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 I can only speak for myself here, but... Your first example stops at "you get closer", maybe hugging (but not a lot). Being aroused just by being close to someone and everything that comes after that just doesn't happen, period. yeah, even when I really like someone's personality, I feel comfortable with them, and they are physically beautiful to me, I can cuddle up with them and even kiss them and not start feeling aroused 'downstairs', I don't start feeling a need for sexual stimulation and release, I don't feel a need to be naked together. I feel a sense of desire in a strong longing to hold them close to my heart and just Be together, to feel emotional security, one-ness of 'heart' and mind, but touching genitals? nope, don't need, don't even think about. I can feel physical arousal only if I focus my attention on specific physical sensations, but it's not an experience that is deeply satisfying or that I think about wanting at other times. For me, wanting to be intimately close with someone doesn't bring with it a desire for them to stimulate me in that way. I prefer to avoid that sensation actually. My experience of arousal is more like a weird annoying itch I'd rather not have to try to get rid of, and simply feel glad it's over with once it's gone. To me, seeking to feel aroused is kind of like saying you seek to get the hiccups. To each his own of course but it sure doesn't make sense to me. What if you do feel aroused by being around them but the sensation of arousal is like you describe... An annoying itch you'd rather not have and try to get rid off, and you feel glad when it's gone. Does that make me asexual or sexual but not ready for sex? Or something else? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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